Relationships go through periodic rough patches; that’s natural. Most are worth the peaks and valleys making partners strive to put forth immense effort to get through those tough times and come out stronger, closer, and with a more established band.
There’s comfort, certainty, and familiarity in those bonds, so when doubt sneaks in, many tend to push it away the first few times, unsure when to let go of a relationship or if they should.
No one wants to go back into the unknown or face being alone if they don’t have to; instead, choosing to hold on to a connection they’re beginning to recognize is lost.
When assessing whether this is one of those times your effort can put it back together or whether you genuinely want to, you know in your heart staying together isn’t for the greatest good of either of you. Still, when is it time to let go of someone you love?
Why knowing when to let go is so hard
That is okay when you have a partnership; it can be confusing if uncertainty comes in to shake things up. You begin to question whether there would be more benefits of letting go than continuing in the current pattern.
While it’s not abusive, since that would make the decision straightforward, it’s not the union you see yourself in for a lifetime.
It undoubtedly will need to come to an end; it’s merely a matter of knowing when to let go of a relationship and how.
Your mate might be more invested, making the break hurtful and difficult for them, plus you’ve grown comfortable and familiar.
While you have friends and family, being alone will be new, and the potential for starting over is intimidating.
You need to figure out the best way to cope with these fears rather than push away the doubt and stay in a partnership that’s not working.
That would be unfair to you and your mate. It’s time to learn to let go and move on. Read this literature on how to deal with the after-effects of a breakup.
Still, sometimes letting go is easier than holding on or at least the best thing for everyone when that connection is lost. How do you know when that time has come? Here are some signs it’s time to move on instead of living unhappily.
1. Putting on airs is the new norm
When there comes the point where you are no longer comfortable being authentic around your mate due to too many misunderstandings occurring or enduring too much judgment, you are put in a difficult spot.
Either you see yourself letting go of a relationship or staying simply because letting go means having to start from scratch with someone else, and that’s intimidating.
A relationship shouldn’t merely be about going through the motions. All partnerships will endure rough spots, but most mates can work through those patches into more blissful periods where closer bonds are established.
If the union remains lifeless and sad, it speaks to neither partner wanting to do the work anymore to jumpstart the heart of the couplehood. That is how to know when to let go of a relationship.
3. Life circumstances are different
You have each grown in different directions finding your needs and desires different. While you want the same things at one time, that’s no longer the case. It can be challenging when you’re on a different wavelength to compromise vastly.
With varied objectives, lives will go in separate directions, eventually resulting in the pair drifting apart. As the distance becomes more remarkable, it becomes apparent when to let go of a relationship.
Still, at one time, you couldn’t wait to tell your mate the most insignificant triviality from your day, building it up as if it were something so fantastic, and they would exude excitement as if they had never heard something so extraordinary.
These tales are spun with friends and family while there is silence between you, begging the question of when to let go of a relationship.
At this point, you start to consider when to let go of a relationship since your mate is not participating in maintaining it.
8. Neglect is excused or justified
You’ll decide when to let go of a relationship when you find yourself continually making excuses as to why your mate is lacking in some way, whether missing affection, non-communicative, or overall just neglectful.
When a partnership is unhealthy or makes you feel like you have to excuse it to friends or family, it’s not worth holding onto. It’s not benefiting you in any way, or you wouldn’t find a need to be defensive of it.
It’s time to move on to something that makes you genuinely feel good. Here’s aguide on surviving after the emotional rollercoaster stops.
9. Fighting is a constant form of communication
A good indication of when to let go of someone is when you regularly fight, not just heated discussions but genuinely yelling and arguing with each other, non-constructive communication.
These kinds of interactions leave issues unresolved and each person feeling bad.
Underlying frustration rears its head given the lack of understanding between the two of you to have a conversation effectively. Incompatibility is a reason to let go of the partnership and move on.
When your mate no longer supports you, whether it be your interests, goals with your job, dreams, or even personal desires, it can deflate you as a person.
A partner is the one individual you look to as a sort of mascot on the sidelines cheering you on. Losing that makes you want to let go of the relationship, but the familiarity of what once was lingers, and you and many people try to hold onto the hope that they can be again.
11. The relationship is suffocating and burdensome
You no longer feel joy when interacting with your partner. You feel suffocated and burdened by the constant inquiries as to where you go and what you do, who you’re with, a sense of always having to explain something.
You dread spending time with them instead of feeling joy at the notion. It’s a sign it’s time to move forward.
Each day you believe that your mate will change into the person you were within the beginning instead of this person you no longer recognize or with whom you find happiness.
You’re holding out for that to happen, but you’re not making improvements or looking at your behavior to see where changes can be made.
The two of you are basically at an impasse. And realistically, no one, not even you, should have to change to make a partnership work. Each should complement the other and accept the other as is.
13. Lying has become a method of coping
When you find yourself making up stories so that you can avoid certain lines of dialog or keep from going home until later in the evening to keep interacting to the bare minimum, it’s most certainly reaching the time when to let go of a relationship.
Lies turn into mistrust, and that’s not something that can be rebuilt easily. When you resort to lies, the partnership is on the way down.
No one should remain in a home where they are hurt emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, or any combination of these.
Find a safe place to go and contact the authorities as appropriate.
This behavior does not warrant any excuse or justification. It is inappropriate, wrong on every level, and no one needs to tolerate it.
15. Is there room for therapy
In cases when you feel the relationship might benefit from couple’s or individual counseling, you should most certainly go for individual counseling because a professional will help you move on to a more healthy partnership where you might otherwise feel a bit of trepidation.
Whether the partnership is, in fact, salvageable (except in cases of abuse or violence) will be determined with your counseling sessions.
It would be best if you had the impartiality, understanding that you want to hold onto what’s familiar and comfortable instead of heading out into the unknown or starting over from scratch, both a bit intimidating.
In most of the situations presented, the problem is that it’s in your best interest to let go and move forward. Check this study that looks at the psychology of letting go.
Letting go of a partner can be exceptionally confusing. One moment it feels like the exact thing you need to do, but in the next, self-doubt creeps in, making you question everything you thought you knew.
It’s intense, to say the least. It generally involves a few tries before you cut the ties.
Still, some are unable to take that step because the anticipation of the loss is unbearable despite the circumstances, even if there is abuse.
That is not in any way implying anyone should stay in an abusive situation. Each person has to make a personal choice. Check these steps for guidance on how to make that move forward.
We all have choices that sometimes challenge us to the core. In some cases, rather than have to face these, we take what we feel is the safest route by staying in what is familiar and comfortable instead of venturing out into the strange and unknown where it could be worse, scary.
We hold ourselves back from probable growth, strength, bliss. The ideal way to maneuver through trepidation is to seek individual counseling from a third party before deciding to move forward.
A professional can guide you through the process and make the actual transformation into your independence so much smoother.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.