Millions of men right now, all over the world are searching for love.
They are looking for that “perfect partner, “some even would call that their “soulmate. “
But 90% of us are making the wrong move when it comes to finding the right girl.
So what do we do, how do we choose a life partner who is right for us?
For the past 30 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, and minister David Essel have been helping men understand love, the power of love, and how to search for the right partner.
Below, David talks about the need to slow down and follow his pathway and teachings so that men can finally create the type of love they desire.
“Because men are so visual in nature, we often continue to focus on the physical aspects of a potential partner versus anything else.
We make the same mistakes over and over again in our quest for choosing the right one.
As a matter of fact, as a counselor, I have my male clients that are looking for love to create an exercise that we call a pattern of past relationships.
It’s pretty simple; all they do is write about every person they’ve been in a relationship with, what the challenges were in the relationship, and what their responsibilities were in the dysfunction of that attempt at law.
I’m 99% of the time; what my clients find is that they’ve been chasing the wrong thing all along.
They haven’t gone deep enough, or maybe they haven’t taken enough time off between relationships, or perhaps they still live in a fantasy world that the perfect person is going to pop into their existence and make everything OK.
And so many men get sucked into the same vortex, different faces, and different names but the same insane dysfunctional relationship filled with chaos and drama that they’ve had their whole life.
So how to choose a partner wisely?
The following are some tips to help you avoid the mistakes men make in relationships and choose a life partner who is right for you.
Take some time off between relationships
At the end of a relationship, plan on taking a minimum of six months off.
That means no dating; if you’re serious about deep love, it means working with a professional counselor, minister, or relationship coach, to figure out what I’m sharing in this article.
What is our role in the ongoing dysfunction of love relationships?
Let go of the past
After figuring out what your role is that you continue to carry forward.
Are you passive-aggressive, are you dominating in nature, are you wishy-washy and you go with whatever direction your partner wants to go in.
After figuring all that out, we have to forgive every partner we’ve been with in the past if it ended poorly.
This is crucial! If you don’t go through the forgiveness process (nothing to do with you getting together with former partners ) and release any resentments you have, you’re going to carry a jaded mindset into your next relationship, which never works very well.
Watch this powerful speech on How to move on, let go & leave your past in the past.
With this exercise, I have men write down what they consider their “deal killers“ in love.
And the list can be quite long, but we try to narrow it down to between six and 10 characteristics that you know have never worked in the past when attempted to choose a life partner.
That’s why we do all the writing about past relationships, and if it didn’t work, then odds are it won’t work in the future either.
Combining logic and emotions
Some of my male clients, when they go through this exercise, find some really surprising information, many of them do not want to date women with children, but if they look at their past pattern in love they’ve always dated women with children.
Other men will realize that they need to choose a life partner that enjoys some of the same hobbies that they enjoy, not all of them, of course, but they want some type of similarity that gas something to do outside of the bedroom.
As I tell all my clients, within the first 90 days of a relationship, if you use logic, like the 3% rule of dating, and emotional awareness to choose a life partner:
“this person is nice they show up on time, they always do what they say they’re going to do… It makes me feel special to them”.
You have a really good chance of finding a great partner.
But you have to pay attention within the first 90 days!
Most of us are so caught up in wanting sex, needing sex, having sex to validate us as men that we don’t put any time into looking at the characteristics the people we’re dating have, that may not be a good fit for us.
So if you look at your past relationships and see that you’ve dated women that need financial assistance, we have to stop that.
If you dated women in the past who have children, and you know you don’t want to deal with children, we’ve got to end that dating cycle before it even begins the minute we find out they have children.
Or maybe you’re a man that wants a family, and during the first 90 days, you get the feeling and the verification that the woman you’re dating does not want to have children. You’ve got to end it.
You see, this is the combination of logic and emotion that will give you the best chance ever to choose a life partner and create a deep, open, ongoing relationship.
If you’re really into sports, and it does take up a lot of your time, it would be a great piece of advice to give yourself time before you commit to a relationship until you choose a life partner who is also at least partially interested in sports.
I’m not saying you have to choose a life partner who is a mirror image of yourself, but you have to write down those things that have never worked in the past, and make sure not to repeat them.
Maybe you cannot date someone who smokes, yet you look at the past, and two or three women that you dated were smokers, and the relationship ended badly.
Your relationship will never end badly if you’re open, honest, communicative, and you know what works for you and what doesn’t.
Many men, frustrated in love, could reduce their frustration by 90% by following the above information.
Create a list of those things that will never work for you that is crucial; that’s the 3% rule of dating.
Then create a list of the commonalities you would like to have with someone; similar interests may be in sports, religion, or career. You’ve got to have more than just a sexual connection.
And then, make sure the sexual connection is appropriate, accurate, and it’s a match for both of you.
Love is here; if you want it, you’re going to have to slow down to get it.
David Essel‘s work is endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny Mccarthy says, “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
His work as a counselor and minister has been verified by Psychology Today, and Marriage.com has verified David as one of the top relationship counselors and experts in the world.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy, Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere.
(David Essel is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Fort Myers)