How long does it take a man to know he wants to marry you?
One question women have when they are worrying, “Why won’t he marry me?”is how long it takes a guy to decide that he wants to marry his girlfriend. While the answer is a little different for everyone, there has been some research done in this area.
According to a recent study, people who have never been married report that they think it would take around 210 days, or about seven months, before deciding they were ready to marry someone.
Whereas people who are already married said that it took them about 173 days, or closer to six months, to realize they wanted to marry their significant others.
Your situation may be different from the norm, but based on the research, it seems that it doesn’t take years and years for a person to decide they want to marry their partner.
Right around the six-month mark, people tend to know that they want to spend the rest of their lives with their partner. This doesn’t mean that he will propose this soon, but it does suggest that pretty early in a relationship, a guy should know if he wants to marry his girlfriend.
There is no need to panic if you have been dating for over six months and haven’t had a proposal yet, but if it has been years and years without a ring, you might be justified in wondering,“Will he ever marry me?”
If you’re starting to question the relationship and worry that he won’t marry you, look out for the following signs:
1. He doesn’t move the relationship forward
When guys are interested in marriage, they will take advantage of the opportunity to move the relationship to the next stage. For example, after you have been together for a year or so, it is normal to move in together.
If his lease ends and he moves in with a roommate, or he gets a new place of his own instead of taking the opportunity to get a place with you, this can be a sign that he isn’t interested in taking the relationship to the next stage.
Or, maybe you have been together for several years, and you have never been on vacation together. If he isn’t taking these steps with you, it’s a pretty clear sign that he won’t marryyou anytime soon.
2. He’s told you he doesn’t ever plan to get married
This probably goes without being said, but if a guy tells you he has no intention of ever getting married, he’s probably being honest.
Some people simply don’t desire to get married. Maybe they saw their own parents’ marriage turn sour, or for whatever reason, they don’t think marriage is necessary.
If this is the case,he doesn’t want to get married and probably never will.
3. He downplays the seriousness of your relationship
If you two have been together for months, but he tells people you aren’t that serious, or he refuses to acknowledge that you are dating in public, this is one of the clear signs he doesn’t want to marry you.
It suggests that he’s not proud of the relationship, and if he feels this way, he isn’t going to publicly profess his love by marrying you.
8. You’ve been together for a long time, and no signs of proposing
If you’ve been together so long that you start to wonder, “Will he ever propose?” and he doesn’t seem to respond to any of your hints that you’d like to get married, this is a good sign that he may not be interested in marriage.
Maybe you’ve been together for years and have even lived together for part of that time, and you’ve watched several mutual friends get married, but he continues to not pop the question.
9. He seems unconcerned about the future
When you discuss your future plans, such as your intention to go back to school or move for a job, he seems entirely uninterested, or he makes plans for his future without including you in them at all.
This shows that he doesn’t see you as being part of his life long term, and it is likely that he won’t marry you.
10. He detaches from you emotionally
When a man is truly connected to a woman and wants her to be a permanent part of his life, he will allow her to be close to him.
A man who is willing to be vulnerable with you sees a future with you, so if he is building up walls and distancing from you emotionally, he doesn’t see you as wife material.
When you drop hints about marriage, but he continues to not propose, this suggests that he just isn’t interested.
One of the ways of how to know if he wants to marry you is that you won’t have to force him. He will want to ask you to be his wife, and you won’t have to beg him with seemingly endless hints.
16. There is no sign of you on social media
It may seem unimportant, but in today’s technological world, most couples are connected on social media. In addition, research suggests that jealousy issues surrounding social media use can lead to conflict in relationships.
If he makes no mention of you on his account, he may want to appear single, and it’s a pretty good sign that he isn’t ready to commit to you.
17. You constantly feel insecure in the relationship
When you’ve met your life partner, the relationship should make you feel secure and safe.
If he seems to use you for sex and doesn’t care whether you get any pleasure out of it, this is not a man who plans to marry you.
19. It’s clear you’re not a priority in his life
If you seem to be just an option in his life, meaning he only wants to hang out when other friends aren’t available, or he doesn’t have better plans, this is one of the top signs he doesn’t want to marry you.
When a man is invested in a future with a woman, he will make her a priority because he won’t want to lose her.
If you get the feeling you just aren’t a priority, this man does not plan for a future with you and is probably just riding out his time with you until he finds someone he feels is his long-term partner.
20. He has countless stories about “crazy” ex-girlfriends
If he has had numerous failed relationships and blames all of his ex-girlfriends for being crazy, it could be that he is actually the one with the problem.
Perhaps he failed to commit to them, and instead of accepting that his hesitation to get married was the problem, he has to turn the blame on the women.
Before you decide how to proceed if your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you, keep in mind that what makes a guy want to marry you has to do with more than what you offer. If he won’t marry you, it doesn’t mean you are not worthy of love or marriage.
Many of the reasons men choose not to get married have to do with their own preferences and values. They may fear commitment, or because of witnessing failed marriages growing up, they may have a negative view toward marriage.
Some men simply don’t believe in marriage or would rather keep their options open and enjoy the single life for as long as possible. None of this has anything to do with you.
Once you have recognized that his hesitation to get married has to do with his own issues and not with you, it is time to decide what you will do next.
If marriage is important to you, you shouldn’t have to give up on the marriage and life you want simply to stick with someone who is never going to marry you.
If there are minor issues to be worked out, such as a conflict between the two of you or fears that he has surrounding marriage, you may be able to work through them with counseling or relationship coaching to help him become ready for marriage.
Ultimately, if you have waited for several years with no proposal and you want to get married, you may have to have a frank discussion with your partner.
Sit down and explain that marriage is important to you, and if this is not something he sees for the two of you in the near future, you may have some differences that cannot be resolved.
It may be helpful to consult with friends or family for advice before having this conversation.
If you and your partner are both okay with having a long-term relationship that never ends in marriage, perhaps you will be perfectly happy if he won’t marry you.
On the other hand, if you want to get married, you do not deserve to be stuck in a relationship that isn’t headed where you want it to go.
If marriage is on your list of life goals and your boyfriend won’t commit even after having a conversation, or he tells you that he is never going to get married, despite your strong desire for marriage, you may have to cut your losses.
Perhaps you need to make yourself available for another relationship that gets you what you want out of life.
It can be upsetting when you notice some of the signs he doesn’t want to marry you.
If you recognize these signs and have been in a relationship for several years, it may be safe to conclude that your boyfriend isn’t interested in marriage.
You will have to decide whether you are okay staying in this relationship or whether marriage is important enough to you that you are willing to go through the temporary pain of a breakup so that you can eventually find the person you were meant to spend your life with.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.