Hang around any coffee house or bar long enough and you’ll hear the murmurs of disappointment coming from women:
“All he wants is a friend with benefits.”
“He has zero interest in a committed relationship.”
“With dating apps like Tinder, he can have a different girl every night of the week.”
The general consensus we are hearing from females nowadays is this: there are no great guys out there who are interested in putting a ring on it.
Even if it may feel like that, it is not the truth.
Sure, marriage rates have declined steadily since 1990, dropping from almost 10 out of 1,000 people marrying in 1990 to almost 7 out of 1,000 getting married in 2016, but still: There are men who do fall in love and want to seal the deal with a wedding.
But what about all the others?
Why are we seeing this decrease in the desire to commit?
What are men afraid of?
Why has men not marrying become a common modern age problem?
This article discusses the real reasons that will help you understand how deep the problem goes.
1. The perception of loss of freedom
One of the men’s biggest fears about marriage? That they will suffer a loss of freedom.
Freedom to work as much as they need to as they climb the corporate ladder. Single men don’t want to forsake the freedom to indulge in their favorite hobbies and sports as they like. Freedom to hang around and watch Netflix all weekend long without having someone nag them to get up off the couch.
Marriage is seen as a ball and chain, weighing them down
These men are not seeing the emotional and physical advantages of being in a union with someone they truly love; they only see the loss of their personal liberty. So, single men fearing the loss of freedom tops the reasons why men don’t marry and why they propagate the idea that it is good for a man not to marry.
2. Men are fearful of a potential divorce
There are a whole lot of men out there who have seen the emotional and economic damage divorce brings to the family unit. Men are not marrying, often presuming that a divorce is imminent. This fear makes them overlook the benefits of getting married.
Single men who avoid marriage have either witnessed it as a child, growing up in a broken home, or they have “been there, done that” and don’t want to ever find themselves in such a vulnerable position again.
They think that history will repeat itself so it is better not to create a new history with a new woman.
The problem with this mindset is of course that all love stories are different. Just because you’ve lived one divorce does not predict that you’ll have another one.
If the man you are interested in has been scarred by divorce, ask him about his fears and talk about how things might play out differently in your relationship.
There are plenty of divorced men out there who have gone on to have successful second marriages. There is no need to shut down to great love just because a previous union did not work out.
3. An unwillingness to make sacrifices
Some men don’t marry because they love their me-centered lifestyle.
Marriage does require sacrifice. It requires faithfulness, an accounting of your time when not with your spouse, an emotional investment. There are men who do not see the positive in all of this. Men staying single can often be attributed to their lack of willingness to make adjustments to accommodate a person in their life.
4. Dating apps work out great!
And indeed, depending on the app used, men can swipe, chat, and hookup in a matter of hours. For a man who has no interest in commitment, this is the perfect tool for him to find an endless supply of sexual satisfaction. For such men who are non-committal, marriage can mean imprisonment.
But should he ever need support through a health crisis or emotionally-taxing life moment, Tinder will be of little aid.
5. Commitment-shy men need to be educated about the benefits of marriage
For men not marrying, a little knowledge about the emotional, sexual, and financial benefits of getting married will help break the illusion.
Studies prove it: men fare better when married than when single. Married men make higher salaries than their single counterparts, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
Also, studies say that married men stay healthier than their single counterparts and single men die earlier than married men, dying ten years earlier!
Married men even have better sex lives: contrary to what you’d think if you listen to single guys boast about their sex lives.
According to the National Health and Social Life Survey, 51 percent of married men were extremely satisfied with their sex lives, while only 39 percent of men living with women without being married to them, and 36 percent of single men, could say the same.
Listen up, men not marrying or single guys: the quality of married sex trumps unmarried sex, due to the strong emotional bond married partners share.
This allows for some really fantastic fireworks in the bedroom.
Studies confirm that marriage offers continual benefits for men’s finances, their sex lives, and their physical and mental health.
Why men are avoiding marriage then if there are so many benefits to being married?
Because too many men still believe in the ball-and-chain myth. Men not marrying view marriage as an expensive obstacle to their freedom and their sex lives.
These views are perpetrated by the media in today’s culture, and that has undoubtedly had negative consequences on men’s views towards marriage. Let’s work to change all that!