When you are in a relationship and start to feel that he doesn’t appreciate you, you may begin to ask yourself, “Am I too good for him?”
If you get the feeling that your boyfriend isn’t valuing you or putting in the effort, you may even feel likehe doesn’t deserve me.
If this is the case, read on to learn about twenty signs he doesn’t deserve you.
Understanding chemistry vs. compatibility
Before diving into signshe doesn’t deserve you, it is helpful to understand the difference between chemistry and compatibility.
Chemistry is that initial spark that connects you spiritually and sexually to your partner, whereas compatibility means you have similarities in values, preferences, lifestyles, and overall interests.
Ideally, you and your partner should have both chemistry and compatibility.
Sometimes, you may have strong chemistry with a boyfriend, which attracts you to him and keeps you in the relationship, but if compatibility is missing, you may not be the best fit.
When you have strong chemistry with a person, you may stay in a relationship, even when you start to notice he doesn’t deserve me, because you feel that head-over-heels rush of passion.
When you move on from a relationship where you aren’t getting what you deserve, you open the door to new relationships, where you can find chemistry and compatibility and still be valued. Trust that it is possible.
20 signs he doesn’t deserve you
When you are trying to decide the answer to, “does he deserve me?” you may find yourself settling for a relationship that is less than fulfilling because you would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone.
While it is human nature to want to establish intimate relationships, you shouldn’t have to settle for less than you deserve.
Below are twenty signs he doesn’t deserve you, and if you notice one or more of the following, this may not be the right relationship for you:
You put forth all the effort while he does little to nothing.
A healthy relationship should be reciprocal, meaning that you both put forth an effort to make things work and make the other person happy.
If you are the one who is always apologizing after disagreements, reaching out to make plans, or taking time to do something special to make his day, but he gives you nothing in return, he doesn’t appreciate you.
However, if your boyfriend rejects who you are as a person and forces change on you, such as by demanding that you change jobs, give up your passions, or alter your entire appearance, you are completely justified in feeling, “You don’t deserve me!”
If he deserves you and your effort, he will make you a priority in his life, and not simply someone he calls when he is bored and has nothing better to do or no one else to spend time with at the moment.
There is a lack of support from him.
Your partner should have your back and be someone you can count on for support.
If he’s not there for you when life gets tough or when you need advice, this isn’t someone who deserves to be in your life. He should also be there to support you in your goals, so if this is missing, you have a problem.
He never takes you on dates.
This isn’t to say that a man needs to take you out every weekend, but it is nice to go on dates once in a while.
At the start of a relationship, a man should be making an effort for you, which includes occasional dating at special places.
If you always hang out at his house or yours, he probably doesn’t value the relationship very much, and you deserve more effort than that.
He doesn’t engage you in deep conversation.
If you and your guy only discuss surface-level issues or make small talk, this isn’t the relationship you deserve.
You should be getting to know each other, and your partner should be interested in the details of your life, as well as your deepest hopes and dreams if he has long-term potential.
Avoiding conversation can also lead you to ignore important problems that need to be discussed in the course of a relationship. If he won’t try to discuss issues with you or resolve conflicts, this is a red flag that he doesn’t deserve you.
He takes you for granted and shows little appreciation.
When he doesn’t deserve you, you may notice that you start to doubt your abilities. Maybe he is highly critical of you, or perhaps he tells you that your goals are foolish or too lofty.
He’s not committed to you.
If you are on the same page about being in a casual relationship, that is one thing, but if you have made it clear that you are seeking a monogamous, serious relationship, but he continues to talk to other women or says he isn’t ready to settle down and see you exclusively, it’s time to move on.
If you are seeking a committed relationship, this is what you deserve. You shouldn’t continue to give him the benefits of being with you if he’s going to string you along and just keep you around as an option.
It’s clear that he isn’t over his ex.
Whether he still brings her up in conversation, talks to her on the phone, or maintains a friendship with her, if he is hung up on his ex, you don’t deserve to be caught in the middle of this.
He can’t truly be in a relationship if he hasn’t moved on from her.
You shouldn’t have to fight with him or beg to spend time together. If he rarely wants to hang out, you deserve more.
No relationship is perfect, and everyone experiences rough patches from time to time. If you notice one or two signs that he doesn’t deserve you, but the behavior improves after a conversation, the relationship may be salvageable.
On the other hand, if you notice most of the signs above, or your boyfriend continues to show that he doesn’t deserve you, it is probably time to move on and make way for a relationship where your needs are met.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.