Given how popular culture portrays men, one might wonder why on Earth, some men may not want sex. However, this is not uncommon, not at all.
There are many reasons for this decline in sexual desire in married men and they are complex and mutually intertwined.
5 reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex
Are you wondering, “Why does my husband doesn’t want to have sex?”
Some are relationship-related, and some aren’t. And they all have slightly different solutions, which is essential to understand them. So, what could be why men don’t want sex? Let’s go over 5 main reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex, be the case in your marriage.
1. Loss of attraction
Let’s get the big one out of the way first. Most women, when their husbands don’t really want to have sex with them anymore, jump to the conclusion that they’re not attractive anymore.
Although, as we will discuss in a bit, this can and often does have other causes, this is also a valid concern. However, don’t fall into despair right away, as there are also solutions to this problem.
Although some men, same as some women, are asexual and,8qq as such, experience significant or absolute disinterest in sex, chances are your husband isn’t. If he used to be sexual with you, it probably isn’t the case now. So, what changed?
Unfortunately, men are hardwired to change partners, so they increase the chances of passing their genes on. Which might be the reason why he lost desire toward you.
However, in the same way that his desire declined,it can also be reignited again. In marriage, sexual desire is a complex matter. It is a mix of how well the couple functions on every level, of pure physical attraction, and of how much effort it’s being put into maintaining the eroticism in the relationship.
Explore which one of these factors might be jeopardizing his desire for you and then find ways to work on it.
You need to work on forgiving, rebuilding trust, on tackling the reasons that led to him seeking the company of another woman (or women). And, importantly, you’ll need to find your way back to each other sexually.
Research has shown that women, given evolutionary differences, find it easier to forgive sexual infidelity. They also decide more often not to break the relationship up.
So, if you decide to continue with your marriage, it’s a good idea to see a therapist who knows how to help you overcome all the dilemmas, insecurities, obsessive thoughts, and everything else that comes to your mind and prevents you both fromrestoring your sex life.
Wondering, “Why has he stopped having sex with me?”
Many women whose husbands gradually stop expressing interest in having sex or stop having sex with them report that there were signs along the way. They maybe weren’t that sexual from the get-go. Or they seemed overly insecure at the slightest sign of disapproval from their then-girlfriend.
Unfortunately, this sort of performance anxiety tends to increase with time if not approached appropriately.
Men suffer from a conviction (often supported by women’s behavior) that their identity and worth are mirrored in their sexual performance.
This, understandably, can often cause a lot of problems in the bedroom.
As a form of coping with it, some men simply chose to avoid the anxiety-evoking situation altogether. An inadequate understanding of the situation and reactions by the wife only complicate things further, so seeking professional help is the right way to deal with this cause ofsexless marriage.
Check out this video by Mary Jo Rapini on how to deal with an insecure man:
4. He’s tired or preoccupied
Sometimes, he doesn’t want sex because he just doesn’t feel like having sex. Sometimes he’s tired or preoccupied with other things and doesn’t want to get involved. When this happens, it might be best to give your husband some time to himself.
When he’s ready, he’ll be ready to resume the sex routine!
In the meantime, you can try something fun and creative to get him in the mood again.
For example, you could give him a foot massage while giving him a hand job until he’s ready for more! You can also enjoy some alone time by asking him to take the kids out for an hour or two while you watch a movie together, for example.
Or you could get in some quality alone time by going out with your friends! When your husband is ready, he will be ready again!
On the opposite side of things is the situation when men do experience sexual desire, but they aren’t in sync with their partner.
At the beginning of their relationship, they probably both were in the lust phase. In specific, many men sometimes just want to jump right into bone-breaking wild sex out of pure lust. When women don’t reciprocate the need to have sex, this could be one of the reasons why they may not want sex.
And many women just aren’t tuned into that, especially after years of marriage and too many daily chores and stresses.
To mend this problem, and to avoid many others stemming from his sexual frustration (such as avoiding sex, to begin with), try talking about your needs openly. Discuss what you can do together as a couple and as individuals in the relationship to make things more enjoyable for both of you.
What to do when your husband doesn’t want you sexually
If your hubby doesn’t want to talk to anyone or try anything sexually when you guys are alone, it’s okay. A lot of men are this way, and not all of them are necessarily undesirable spouses. They are just completely fine with staying out of the bedroom altogether.
That’s totally fine if you two aren’t compatible in the bedroom because the problem isn’t always in you, but he is. It’s just a matter of working out all the kinks so he can step up his game a bit and get his groove back.
Check out some more information on when a husband doesn’t want sex in marriage:
Can a marriage last without sex?
Sure a marriage can last without sex and even thrive, but its not the same as it’s supposed to be, and after a while, you’ll find yourself yearning for that intimacy more than you ever thought possible!
A lot of people don’t understand what’s going on with their spouse and are frustrated because they’re not getting any satisfaction in bed at all.
But this is not always the case; sometimes, a simple change of scenery is all that’s needed to catch his interest and bring the spark back to your marriage.
Some guys just need a little encouragement to get back in the game, while others may need a bit of a push from their wives to get them back into it.
Marriage courses online can teach you all you need to know about the art of communicating in the bedroom and getting things back on track between the two of you.
How often do men need sex?
This is a tricky question because there isn’t really a “standard” answer to this question. Generally speaking, most couples should get some alone time together at least once or twice a week in order to keep their romance alive.
However, this is purely subjective and can vary from person to person depending on their sexual needs and preferences. While some people need more frequent sessions than others, ultimately, it really depends on the two of you and what you guys feel comfortable with.
When your husband doesn’t want sex, you shouldn’t pressure him or give up hope – you just have to be patient and give him the space he needs until he’s ready to return to the bedroom. So, don’t get discouraged. Things will get better eventually!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.