15 Signs Your Long-Distance Relationship Isn’t Working

Do you feel like your relationship is losing its luster?

Maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship can be incredibly rewarding, but that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be easy. It would be best if you were focused on communication and building up emotional intimacy all the time.

For some people, a long-distance relationship is a dream – for others? It’s an all-encompassing job.

15 Signs a Long Distance Relationship is Ending

Maybe long-distance relationships don’t work for your lifestyle or perhaps you’re thrilled in your relationship, but your spouse seems to be pulling away.

Keep reading for 15 signs a long-distance relationship isn’t working.

1. You’ve stopped communicating

Research reveals that the happiest couples share something in common. Happy couples tend to focus on communication, commitment, conflict resolution, and intimacy with their partners.

According to Christiana Njoku, a licensed professional counselor:

Constant communication is the bedrock of every relationship, and as soon as couples stop communicating, it becomes worrisome, particularly in a long-distance relationship.

Poor communication is one of the biggest signs a long-distance relationship isn’t working.

Related Reading: Communication Advice for Long Distance Relationships

2. Family and friends are elusive

Have you ever met your spouse’s friends or family, either in person or via video chat? If not, it could be a sign of long-distance relationship communication problems.

It could also be a sign that your spouse isn’t serious about including you in their real life.

3. You’re not as excited to spend time together

One of the biggest problems with long-distance relationships

When you first met your partner, you were probably counting down the minutes to receive their next text or jump online with them, but as the relationship progresses, you find that excitement has waned.

4. Affection has dwindled

Affection is strongly related to partner satisfaction. Even the simple act of kissing, cuddling, or holding hands with your partner is likely to send a boost of oxytocin through your body and make you feel happier.

Of course, it is more difficult to be affectionate when you don’t live in the same city. Still, even the simple act of sending each other cute emojis and love messages can boost your emotional intimacy.

A lack of expressed affection is one of the biggest signs a long distance relationship isn’t working.

5. You have a funny feeling

If you’re looking for one of the sure signs a long distance relationship isn’t working, look no further than your gut instinct.

Nobody knows your relationship as well as you do, so if your intuition tells you that your long distance relationship is falling apart, listen and investigate!

6. The relationship has become unreliable

One reason why long distance relationships don’t work is that couples don’t put effort into maintaining a romantic schedule.

At first, you always knew when you were spending time together, but you or your spouse have become unreliable over time.

If your spouse is never around when you need them and you feel like you can’t rely on them, take it as one of the signs a long distance relationship isn’t working the way it should.

7. Your spouse seems distracted

When you first met, you and your partner would probably drop anything to talk to each other.

If your spouse now seems distracted when you’re talking or seems like they’d rather be doing something else, it could be one of the telltale signs a long distance relationship isn’t working for you.

8. Arguments are frequent

One sure sign that your long-distance relationship is falling apart is if you and your spouse are always fighting.

As Christiana Njoku explains:

When arguments become the order of the day in a long-distance relationship, it is an obvious sign that the end of the relationship is near.

Whether it’s something big like when you’re going to meet up in person or something small like a bout of jealousy, constantly arguing is not healthy for couples – significantly when they can’t fall back on physical intimacy to bring them closer.

Related Reading: How to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship

9. You’re fantasizing about someone else

If you’re still looking for reasons why long distance relationships don’t work, you can put ‘falling for someone else’ at the top of your list.

Christiana Njoku further shares:

Long distance relationship is not a walk in the park; if not well managed, there is every tendency to start looking for someone close by to date in order to bridge the gap.

As much as you care about your spouse, you may find yourself with a crush on someone from your in-person social circle. The thrill of seeing them in the flesh brings a certain level of chemistry and intimacy to the party that a long-distance spouse can’t always beat.

10. The distance hurts you

Even if you are incredibly committed and in love with your partner, sometimes the reason why long distance relationships don’t work is that you’re not built for them.

The problems with long distance relationships are that your heart is always waiting for resolution. You’re waiting to be together, to see each other in person, to bring the distance to a close.

It is no surprise, then, that couples who have met online are more likely to break up than couples who meet in person.

11. You’ve stopped making time for one another

One sign that your long distance relationship is falling apart is when you no longer spend quality time together.

Having a date night is important for all couples, even if you’re in a long distance relationship.

Planning a special evening to do something new together has been shown to boost passion and relationship excitement. Couples also report higher communication and sexual satisfaction levels when they have at least one date night a month.

12. You’ve never met

Another reason why long distance relationships don’t work is for the simple fact that you’ve never met.

This Pew Research study reports that a whopping one-third of people dating online will never meet in person.

Does this mean that your relationship is doomed?

Not necessarily, but depending on how long you’ve been together, not meeting or making plans to meet can be a warning sign that your long distance relationship is not working because it shows a lack of commitment and motivation toward your partner.

13. Trust has dwindled

A study published by Northwestern University found that trust is essential for a healthy relationship. Couples who trust each other enjoy a more fulfilling connection.

One of the big signs a long distance relationship isn’t working is when there is no trust.

If you don’t trust your partner, you’re going to have a difficult time handling when they make plans with other people. Plus, you’re not getting the reassurance that comes from physical touch.

Related Reading: How to Build Trust in Long-Distance Relationships

14. You’re always busy

Do you find yourself purposely making plans without your spouse?

If your calendar is always filled to the brim and you’ve stopped carving out time to video chat with your sweetheart, take it as one of the signs a long distance relationship isn’t working for you.

Learn about how to improve long distance communication with this video:

15. There is no end date for the distance

A research study on long-distance dating relationships found that participants who had no plans to meet or move to the same city experienced heightened distress and less relationship satisfaction.

The takeaway? Long distance relationships are more satisfying for partners when there is an end date in mind.

What to Do Before Deciding It’s Over

Not every sign here points to the same conclusion. Struggles like unreliable communication or skipped date nights are often fixable with intention, while patterns like eroded trust or genuinely wanting someone else point to something harder to repair.

Before assuming the relationship is done, it’s worth having a direct conversation about what you’re both willing to change. Some of these signs, like being busy or distracted, might reflect a stressful season rather than a lack of investment in the relationship itself.

If you’ve had that conversation and nothing shifts, or if trust has broken down in ways that can’t be rebuilt, that’s real information. Find a Therapist if you want support figuring out which category your relationship falls into.

Conclusion

Are there signs for how to know when a relationship is not working? Yes. Signs a long distance relationship isn’t working include:

• Never making plans to meet in person
• Long distance relationship communication problems
• Your affection has dwindled
• You have a gut feeling
• Your partnership has become unreliable

If you find yourself searching ‘Why long distance relationships don’t work,’ don’t be discouraged.

This method of dating is not for everyone.

If your long distance relationship is ending, embrace the fact that long distance relationships are difficult. The process, or person, simply wasn’t for you.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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