How to Have a Serious Conversation About Your Relationship

When deep conversation topics with partners go unanswered, the mystery can start gnawing away at your happiness. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to have a serious conversation about your relationship.

It’s hard to know when to have those tough conversations in relationships. The ones about defining the relationship and taking those next steps toward a future together.

You should know who your partner is and what your deal breakers are before bringing up anything too touchy.

You don’t want to come on too strong at the beginning of a partnership, but you don’t want to let these serious relationship questions slide for so long that your heart is locked in.

Complicated, right?

Managing serious conversation in relationships is no joke. That’s why we’re looking at 15 tips on having mature conversations about relationships.

When should you ask serious relationship questions?

The answer is complicated: soon, but not too soon.

You’ll want to start these serious conversation topics before you’re too invested to walk away, but not so soon that you come off as the human equivalent of cling wrap.

Do you want to find serious things to talk about with your boyfriend or girlfriend because you want to get to know them better or try to plan your future?

If you are trying to decide whether you and your crush could have something special, we suggest asking these serious relationship questions:

• Are they looking for a monogamous relationship?
• Do they want children?
• What do they think of marriage?
• Who are their friends?
• How big of an impact does their parent’s opinion have on who they end up with?
• What are their priorities in life?
• How important are sex and other forms of physical intimacy?
• What are their religious views?
• Where do they lean politically?
• Do they have relationship deal breakers?

Knowing the answer to these tough relationship questions will help you plan for the future.

Dos and don’ts of serious talks in a relationship

If you are itching to talk about some serious relationship questions with your spouse, it can be hard to know when and how to bring them up.

Before you initiate a serious conversation with your partner, start doing some prep work with these dos and don’ts.

DO: Have the conversation before you feel hopeless about the relationship.

DON’T: Assume you are on the same page and continue to let things go.

DO: Be specific and frank about your expectations from a partner.

DON’T: Manipulate your partner into getting what you want out of a serious conversation.

DO: Approach the conversation as though you are solving a problem together.

DON’T: Be afraid of starting the conversation.

DO: Know you have the right to know about the future of your relationship.

DON’T: Initiate serious conversation topics if you aren’t prepared to handle them maturely.

15 tips for how to have a serious conversation about your relationship

Running away from having serious conversations leads to further problems for the couple in the relationship. It is healthier to address the issue and try to find a solution for it.

Here are some ways that you can make the serious conversation easy for both you and your partner:

1. Know what you want before initiating the conversation

One suggestion for how to have a serious conversation about your relationship is to do a little prep work beforehand.

What do you want out of the conversation?

Do you really want answers to tough relationship questions or are you just looking for serious things to talk about with your boyfriend/girlfriend to get to know them better?

If it’s the latter, take a lighthearted approach.

If it’s the former, make a mental list of all the questions you want answered before you can move forward with your relationship.

2. Understand these conversations are necessary

If you’re starting to fall for your partner, then you need to get these tough relationship questions out of the way.

Don’t feel awkward for wanting to know more about your spouse. You are looking out for your future and trying to make plans around someone you care about, and that is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Related Reading: 4 Relationship Conversations You Can Have With Your Partner

3. Learn how to communicate

Research shows that couples who communicate are happier than those who don’t. Having mature conversations about relationships and other important topics improves positive speech between partners.

To benefit from communication, you need to learn how to do it properly.

• Show genuine interest in what your partner is saying
• Remove distractions (such as your cell phone) from the conversation
• Do not yell or storm out

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship

4. Choose a good time to talk

One of the biggest tips on how to have a serious conversation about your relationship is to choose the right time to bring up serious conversation topics.

Avoid moments when your spouse is busy, overwhelmed, or anxious. Instead, choose a moment when you and your partner are both relaxed and feeling emotionally intimate. This will yield the best results.

5. Start the conversation positively

When entering tough conversations in relationships, the last thing you want to do is start on the wrong foot.

Choose your words carefully and enter the conversation with a positive, polite, and pleasant demeanor. You don’t want your spouse to feel like they are under attack.

6. Approach the subject as a team

A great tip for how to have a serious conversation about your relationship is to think as a team.

If you pit yourself against your spouse, you’ll start behaving like enemies. On the other hand, approaching tough relationship questions as a team will help you work together toward a common goal.

Related Reading: Top 5 Communication Exercises For Couples To Grow Closer

7. Be calm and collected

“You always…!”

“I think you…!”

“You never…!”

These are all terrible ways to initiate serious talks in a relationship because they make your partner feel like you’re attacking their character.

It may sound cheesy, but the best tip for managing serious conversations in relationships is to use “I feel” statements.

“I’ve felt a little bit lonely this week. I miss spending time with my awesome boyfriend,” expresses the problem and follows it up with something sweet and complimentary.

This avoids the kind of argument that may happen if you had said something like: “You never spend any time with me! You’ve been busy with your stupid friends all week!”

8. Make your needs clear

A great tip for how to have a serious conversation about your relationship and communicate effectively is to have a clear message.

If you want a commitment, let them know.

If you don’t think your lives are moving in the same direction, say so.

If you’re finding serious things to talk about with your boyfriend or girlfriend, make sure there is no confusion about what you’re after. Be clear about what you want.

9. Don’t get sidetracked

Another tip for how to have a serious conversation about your relationship is to stay on topic.

It can be tempting and maybe a respite to veer off course when dealing with serious conversation topics, especially if you feel like your partner misunderstands something – but stay the course.

Don’t let sidetracking topics turn your snowball fight into an avalanche.

Related Reading: How to Improve Understanding in a Relationship

10. Look for ways to compromise

Sometimes asking tough relationship questions can leave us feeling confused.

Adaptability is essential to a successful relationship. If you’ve found serious conversations to have with your boyfriend isn’t going well or you don’t see eye to eye, look for ways to compromise and make peace.

Related Reading: 6 Compromises in a Relationship Needed for a Healthy Marriage

11. Think about your partner’s words

One tip for how to have a serious conversation about your relationship is to take time to meditate on what your partner is telling you.

Even if you disagree with what your partner is saying, it can be beneficial to think about where they are coming from. You can even try and find something you DO agree with so you can have some common ground.

12. Stick to one topic

When a couple argues there is a tendency to bring up past issues, even the ones that are not related to the issue at hand. But you can’t solve everything in one day so stick to just one problem at a time.

Bringing up too many things at the same time will open you to the possibility of nothing getting resolved. The argument will become about too many things, and you won’t be able to focus all your attention on just one thing.

13. Listen to your partner

If you want to find serious things to talk about with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s important to know how to listen.

In a survey of couples, 55% cited a lack of communication as a primary reason for separating from their partner. Listening is an essential part of communication.

Show your partner you hear them by nodding attentively as they speak, maintaining eye contact, and allowing them to finish their thought without interruption.

To learn more about the power of listening, check out this video:

14. Don’t be afraid of taking a time-out

A study has concluded that the happiest couples are the ones who value communication, conflict resolution, and commitment.

Part of healthy conflict resolution is knowing when to talk a time out from tough relationship questions.

If you feel like things are getting heated, tell your partner you need a minute and go out, get some fresh air or take a shower. Give yourself some time to clear your head and cool off.

15. Respect your partner’s decision

Our final tip on how to have a serious conversation about your relationship is to respect whatever your partner decides to do.

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship and still have trouble managing serious conversations in relationships, consider taking a marriage course.

Online marriage course is also great for couples who aren’t married because it helps them learn to improve their communication skills, boost intimacy, and create shared goals with their partner.

Conclusion

It is important to learn how to have a serious conversation about your relationship if you want to have a real future with your spouse.

Before starting the conversation, know when and where to initiate tough relationship questions and have a good idea of what you want to say.

Approach serious talks in a relationship maturely. Listen to your spouse and know how to communicate effectively.

Bringing up serious topics to talk about in a relationship can be tough and may not always result in your expected outcome.

Still, it is always better to know whether you are on the same page before you get too deep into your relationship.