Over time the pain is at a level of a mosquito bite compared to the crushing feeling when it just happened. But it is still there.
If you’re asking how to get over someone you still love, then the answer is to jump back in time before you first met, and hopefully, don’t meet them.
If you truly loved someone deeply, they will always be a part of you and your memories. They have affected your life in ways such as habits, decision-making processes, and emotional maturity.
It may not be possible to learn how to get over someone you love so much completely, but it’s possible to move forward to the point that they are only “just a part of the past.”
How painful is it to lose someone you love?
According to research, losing someone causes the release of chemicals that are the same when we have a physical injury. This is often referred to as broken heart syndrome. Some of the difficulties faced while moving on and getting over someone are:
Shortness of breath
Low blood pressure
Sudden chest pain
A breakup episode often results in some physical difficulties and these symptoms are a few of the very common physical issues faced by many patients. This can be felt immediately or within a few minutes after the breakup. However, such symptoms are temporary.
Well, it takes time to get over someone. With time, feelings get subdued, and memories eventually fade but practically, it is unlikely that you will forget the person completely.
However, with time as the memories turn blur, you definitely grow over the person, and talking about them or coming across them doesn’t affect you negatively.
Why is getting over someone so damn hard?
Each of us has been in a situation where a difficult relationship seemed damn healthy to us. As a result, we invested way too much into the relationship and got dependent over time. This makes us settle for less than we deserve. Ultimately, you find it difficult to move on with your life when the breakup takes place.
We often visualize the happy ending, which means a fairytale wedding and everything else falling perfectly in place with the person. We feel the rush and every positive feeling, and consequently, this makes it difficult trying to get over someone and moving on from the past.
It often feels like a failure, as if you are letting go of a part of yourself. Getting over the love of your life is a grief in disguise because it is hard to come to terms with the fact immediately that a failed love is meant to teach you some important lessons, and this often leads to immense discomfort.
How long does it take to get over someone you still love?
To get over someone you love deeply might take a considerable amount of time and effort from your end. According to studies, it takes around 3 months to get over someone.
The love did not last long, and nor will the pain. Every relationship is different and so, is every breakup. Therefore, the span taken to forget someone and get over things might also be shorter for some people.
Are you looking for help getting over someone? While the answer to how to get over someone is not always to-the-point and will vary from relationship to relationship, here are some of the best ways to get over someone with ease.
Check out these 15 ways of how to get over someone:
1. Be realistic
Unless you live in the same universe as Jim Carrey in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind,” where it’s possible to selectively remove memories, then it’s not possible to get over it completely. It is possible to get so close that it no longer matters.
Hence, the goal is to move forward with your life where the pain of loss no longer affects you.
But if you ask how long does it take to get over someone you love? Then, there’s no definite answer either. It depends on the impression they left, how much your life is intertwined, and individual strength.
If you were dating for a couple of months, you don’t live together; then there are fewer things that tie you together as lovers, as opposed to married couples with children. It should be easier for the first person to get over it than the second.
How to get over someone you love in either case is also different.
If you have children, it’s not possible to completely sever your connection with the person. You are still going to have to collaborate for your child; even if you don’t want to stay together as a couple, you will still need to work together for the kid.
2. Connect to friends and family
Friends and family can help in times like these.
If you need a shoulder to cry on or simply someone to take care of things for you while you put yourself together, then having trusted people around you helps a lot.
Most people are vulnerable to negative influences when they are hurt.
They can easily do something they would regret. Try to hold off making any big decisions or consult people you trust before making any moves
You might find the experience overwhelming and find it difficult to go home. Kind of like a designated driver.
3. Release your emotions in a safe place
Keeping everything bottled up is a recipe for disaster.
It only makes you a time bomb, literally and figuratively. You don’t want to blow up while driving on the freeway or in a big meeting with your boss and clients.
Stress, including traffic and work-related pressure, can act as the last straw and make you lose control. You don’t want to make your situation worse than it already is. But controlling yourself is easier said than done.
There is a need for a middle ground.
It is why you need a safe place. It can be your bedroom or even the closet or washroom. You don’t have to be alone, but you need to be with someone you trust. Someone who will not take advantage of the fact that you are in a vulnerable position.
There are other ways on how to get over breaking up with someone you love.
4. Carry on with your usual chores
Pay attention to something physically demanding, such as cleaning the house or going to the gym, but if you do have a career and/or parental responsibilities, then giving more time to them keeps your mind off the pain.
It may feel insurmountable now, but the only real way on how to get over someone you love is by letting enough time pass and have the pain slowly fade away.
It will still be there, but it won’t affect you as much as it did before.
Let it out, let it all out. Once it’s out, you feel exhausted and relieved.
It is not an easy method on how to get over someone you love so much, but it will provide temporary relief to get through the day.
As long conditions are met, repeat as often as necessary.
6. Pick up a hobby
Be patient, pray, and force yourself to move on.
It will eventually happen. Hang in there; you will feel better. It always does. The most important thing is not to ruin your life even further by doing something monumentally stupid while you are hurting.
Suggestions such as picking a hobby to keep yourself busy is a great idea; that is, if you don’t have other responsibilities that are waiting for you, such as kids or your career, that won’t wait forever until you get back on the saddle.
7. Figure out your needs before moving forward
As an important part of how to get over someone and move forward to a happier, stronger relationship, know about your needs in the relationship. Are the people you are meeting able to provide for your emotional needs?
Make a list of what you seek in a person while dating, and opt out confidently if you feel the person has a different perspective.
8. Don’t rush the process
So, how to get over someone you love deeply?
Just live your day one day at a time. If you need to cry, then cry. Just don’t forget to pick up where you left off afterward.
Getting over bad things is about pushing yourself forward.
It doesn’t matter if it’s about a lover, death in the family, or a business setback. The formula is the same. Baby steps forward.
9. Understand your worth
One of the important things to keep in mind while contemplating how to get over someone is to realize your worth and stop settling for less.
Not every relationship is going to be great, and you can stop bumping into the wrong ones by feeling positive about yourself and realizing you are meant for better, brighter things.
Do what makes you happy. Even if that means you need to be selfish for a while, be that. Take some time to heal yourself. Forget about the world and focus just on yourself.
In the video below, Sarah Gray talks about self-care tips after the breakup. Check it out:
11. Remain positive for the future
Don’t allow negative thoughts to creep in. it is very important to push yourself and remain positive.
One bad relationship is not the end of the world. So, as an answer to how to get over someone, you should take the breakup in a good stride and focus on the positive aspects of life.
12. Avoid connecting to your ex
There will be days when you will be hit with the urge to get back to your ex. You might spend time stalking them or typing and un-typing text messages. As a solution for how to get over your ex, you must first start with disconnecting with them on social media.
Next, don’t go back to them or try to remain friends, even if you get that choice.
Journaling is a great way to put your thoughts out of your head without the fear of judgment. It helps reduce loneliness and distress.
Getting over a breakup takes work, and journaling gives you a safe space to express your emotions without sharing them with anybody. However, make sure you write positive things about yourself.
The more positive you will feel, the better you will get.
Understand what it takes to make a relationship great
Try to reflect on the fact about what makes a relationship successful. Read and know about successful relationships so that in the future, you can make efforts in the right direction.
Besides, it is important to reflect on what was lacking in your past relationship in a healthy way to figure out how things could have been handled in a more positive light.
This step is essential if you wish to understand how to get over someone you love and move on to the next relationship with hope.
15. Talk to professionals
You can also reach out to professionals.
If you find their services too expensive, you can go online and search for peer groups. There are support groups out there for losing someone you love. Make sure you have someone accompany you when going face to face meetings.
You might find the experience overwhelming and find it difficult to go home—kind of like a designated driver.
Moving on is definitely hard, and we will not deny it.
If we ask people how much it hurts to break up, there will definitely be an answer “A lot” in unison. But there are things you can do to get over someone. These tips will definitely help you heal in a better way and make you feel positive about yourself.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.