Simple answer, you don’t.
Over time the pain is at a level of a mosquito bite compared to the crushing feeling when it just happened. But it is still there.
If you’re asking how to get over someone you still love, then the answer is to jump back in time before you first met, and hopefully, don’t meet them.
If you truly loved someone deeply, they will always be a part of you and your memories. They have affected your life in ways such as habits, decision-making processes, and emotional maturity.
It may not be possible to learn how to get over someone you love so much completely, but it’s possible to move forward to a point that they are only “just a part of the past.”
1. Be realistic
Unless you live in the same universe as Jim Carrey in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind,” where it’s possible to selectively remove memories, then it’s not possible to get over it completely. It is possible to get so close, that it no longer matters.
Hence, the goal is to move forward with your life where the pain of loss no longer affects you.
But if you ask how long does it take to get over someone you love? Then, there’s no definite answer either. It depends on the impression they left, how much your life is intertwined, and individual strength.
If you were dating for a couple of months, you don’t live together, then there are fewer things that tie you together as lovers, as opposed to married couples with children. It should be easier for the first person to get over it than the second.
How to get over someone you love in either case is also different.
If you have children, it’s not possible to completely sever your connection with the person. You are still going to have to collaborate for your child, even if you don’t want to stay together as a couple, you will still need to work together for the kid.
So, how to get over someone you love deeply?
Just live your day one day at a time, if you need to cry, then cry. Just don’t forget to pick up where you left off afterward.
Getting over bad things is about pushing yourself forward.
It doesn’t matter if it’s about a lover, death in the family, or a business setback. The formula is the same. Baby steps forward.
2. Get support
Friends and family can help in times like these.
If you need a shoulder to cry on, or simply someone to take care of things for you while you put yourself together, then having trusted people around you helps a lot.
Most people are vulnerable to negative influences when they are hurt.
They can easily do something they would regret. Try to hold off making any big decisions or consult people you trust before making any moves.
You can also reach out to professionals.
If you find their services too expensive, you can go online and search for peer groups. There are support groups out there for losing someone you love. Make sure you have someone accompany you when going face to face meetings.
You might find the experience overwhelming and find it difficult to go home. Kind of like a designated driver.
3. Release your emotions in a safe place
Keeping everything bottled up is a recipe for disaster.
It only makes you a time bomb, literally and figuratively. You don’t want to blow up while driving on the freeway or in a big meeting with your boss and clients.
Stress, including traffic and work-related pressure, can act as the last straw and make you lose control. You don’t want to make your situation worse than it already is. But controlling yourself is easier said than done.
There is a need for middle ground.
It is why you need a safe place. It can be your bedroom or even the closet or washroom. You don’t have to be alone, but you need to be with someone you trust. Someone who will not take advantage of the fact that you are in a vulnerable position.
Cry, scream, break things (there are places called break rooms that allows you to destroy things) or even get drop-dead drunk if that’s what you need to release all the pain and emotions that are bottled up inside you.
I would need to repeat the importance of doing it in a safe place with trusted people.
Make sure both conditions are met before you do it. Don’t do drugs. Addictive substances are well, addictive, and the last thing you want is to have another problem.
Releasing your thoughts and feelings as hard as you can help in the healing process.
Let it out, let it all out. Once it’s out, you feel exhausted and relieved.
It is not an easy method on how to get over someone you love so much, but it will provide temporary relief to get through the day.
As long conditions are met, repeat as often as necessary.
There are other ways on how to get over breaking up with someone you love.
Suggestions such as pick a hobby to keep yourself busy is a great idea, that is, if you don’t have other responsibilities that are waiting for you such as kids or your career that won’t wait forever until you get back on the saddle.
4. Doing something to fill up your time and distract you is a good idea
Something physically demanding such as cleaning the house or going to the gym would also help, but if you do have a career and/or parental responsibilities then giving more time to them keeps your mind off the pain.
It may feel insurmountable now, but the only real way on how to get over someone you love is by letting enough time pass and have the pain slowly fade away.
It will still be there, but it won’t affect you as much as it did before.
Be patient, pray, and force yourself to move on.
It will eventually happen, hang in there, you will feel better. It always does. The most important thing is not to ruin your life even further by doing something monumentally stupid while you are hurting.