Fellas, of the two sexes, we tend to get the worse reputation when it comes to relationship and marriage issues. Of course, women make mistakes, too, but we tend to make more of them. At the very least, we make more dumb mistakes.
This is not an article about shaming ourselves and our brethren that are trying to create long-lasting love with their partners. This is an article about how we can turn the tide.
Men have come before us and men will come after us, but in the interim, let’s do our best to restore the good name of married men. We have a lot to offer, and with a little conscious action, we can make it so our wives will feel lucky to have us.
Let’s take a look at some sound pieces of advice that will keep you out of the doghouse and safely in your lady’s arms.
Listen. Then, listen some more
As men, we have a natural tendency to try and solve problems, fix issues, and resolve mishaps. As soon as we see a problem, whether it be an injustice done to ourselves or to someone we love, we leap into action. We don’t take the time to sit with our thoughts or think about who might be affected, we just go.
This characteristic may serve you well in your everyday activities, but within your marriage, I urge you to pump the brakes.
An aspect of any quality relationship or marriage is high levels of communication. Communication is a two way street of both listening and speaking. Since we want to solve everything once a problem arises, we may have a tendency to skip past the listening—at least, listening intently—and jump right to talking through the issue.
If your wife comes home from work and needs to vent about a co-worker or her boss, let her do so without offering any counsel. Let her get it off of her chest, then ask the simple question, “How can I help?”
If she needs you to offer advice, she’ll let you know.
If she needs you to just be a sounding board, she’ll let you know.
If you with her disagree about something, hear her point of view before trying to offer yours. You may try to offer a solution before either of you know what the real problem is. Take a step back and allow her to tell you how she feels. Once you have a true idea of her stance, then offer yours. Don’t try to solve the problem for both parties. By doing that, you’re taking away from the partnership.
Listen more and react less. The bumps in the road will become smoother and smoother.
As you grow old with your wife, you will both undoubtedly get used to each other’s patterns of behavior. She’ll know your morning routine like the back of her hand and you’ll be able to walk through hers with your eyes closed. Your patterns of behavior aren’t restricted to your morning and night routines, though.
Your patterns also include how you show your love and affection to one another. The more you get used to them, the more you expect them to happen. The more you or wife expect that behavior, the less exciting it becomes.
Bringing her coffee each morning becomes old hat.
Saying “I love you” before you go to sleep is the norm.
To get her to notice you and the love you’re trying to show, you need to do something outside your normal pattern of behavior.
Get her flowers on a Tuesday.
Write her a love note and stick it on her windshield.
Have your first dance song playing when she gets home from work after you know she’s had a long day.
Doing things like this will help your attempts at affection stand out. Sticking to your normal routine will only blend into what she already knows will happen.
Stand out, my friend!
Help out around the house…Before she asks
This piece of advice is so simple because, by contrast to the typical male population, you will look like a saint.
Many men out there, whether it be by preconceived beliefs or something that’s been explicitly passed down to them from their father figures, don’t feel that it’s their responsibility to keep the home in tip-top shape. They leave it to their wives to cook, clean, wash and fold the laundry, all while they kick their feet up and watch the game.
Just by offering to help out, you have a leg up in the game.
Do some laundry.
Wash the dishes.
Vacuum. Oh, how I hate vacuuming, but do it anyway.
It’s 2017, not 1950. The roles of husband and wife have blurred together, and it’s important that you work as a team to keep your home looking and feeling amazing. Step your game up!
These three pieces of advice aren’t hard to follow, you just have to be conscious enough with your actions that you think to execute on them. Don’t read his article, brush it off, then never try any of it. Print it out, put it next to your work computer or station, and have the daily reminder in your field of vision. This will keep you wanting to do and be more for your wife, which will ultimately lead to a happier and healthier marriage.
Good luck, gents!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.