The objective of relationship counseling is to help your marriage. While some couples will choose counseling before any big problem arises in the relationship, for the most part counseling is often times pursued in a marriage at the point where either or both parties are thinking about separation or divorce. Counseling can be effective in repairing the relationship, but there are instances or sometimes actions of one or both parties that will sabotage the counseling process and hurt the marriage even further.
Someone is not interested in counseling
Relationship counseling works best when both husband and wife agree to pursue counseling to deal with the issues in the marriage. If one person is not interested in the process, then counseling can become more difficult than it needs to be. During counseling, couples are required to share their issues, listen to each other and do the necessary homework that is needed to repair the marriage. If one person is not invested in the process, the necessary results will not be apparent.
Someone does not want the marriage to work
Sometimes one or even both persons in a marriage have resolved in their minds that the marriage is at an end. Whether to appease the other spouse, family members or for religious reasons, counseling is pursued. Where someone is of the opinion that the marriage is at an end, he or she will not see the relevance of counseling and will just be going through the motion. This can easily frustrate the other partner, the counselor as well the counseling process.
Someone has ulterior motives
The reason for relationship counseling is for both persons to seek the help of a third party and work together to repair the relationship. Counseling is therefore team work with a mutually beneficial objective. However, where someone has an ulterior motive, such as proving that he or she is right, hoping to tell the spouse what they want, then counseling will be less effective. In some instances, a spouse may use counseling as a way of telling the other, that he or she wants a divorce or that he or she is having an affair; the hope is that the other party would be restricted by their response while in the company of a third party. Whatever the ulterior motive, this can create further harm.
A bias marriage counselor
The ideal marriage counselor is one who is unbiased and who works in a neutral position to help the couple resolve their issues. However, where a marriage counselor presents, whether apparent or otherwise, actions or words that will allow one of the spouses to believe that the counselor is on one side, the counseling process is in jeopardy. This can happen in situations where the counseling is managed by an individual who have known the couple or a marriage counselor who was selected by one spouse without the input of the other spouse. A marriage counselor who is bias or deemed to be bias by one party will never be in a position to effectively help the couple. In a situation like this, relationship counseling can do more hurt than good.
Your marriage will go through ups and downs and there will be times when counseling will be necessary. It is never a guarantee that counseling will always repair the marriage, but if both the couple and the counselor are committed to one objective, marriage counseling can be very effective in repairing the marriage.