Trying to figure out how to find a boyfriend or partner, or where to meet guys can be exhausting work!
It seems everyone has all this advice and so many tips on how to get a boyfriend. From how to meet men, to what to wear, how to act and what to say, all of these things can be overwhelming.
But, I have a little secret for you… how to find a boyfriendor partner has little to do with any of those things and everything to do with your mindset.
That might sound a little crazy, right? Because no one can see your mind, so how could it possibly help you?
I know… you’re thinking “I really want a boyfriend” and this person is telling me to focus on my mind?!?
The things that you think actually stand out more than any fancy outfit or shade of lipstick. Your thoughts are linked to your emotions and your behaviors, so starting with your mind is the most important part if you want to figure out how to find a partner.
If you’re currently thinking “I want a boyfriend” or wondering “why can’t I get a boyfriend.” read on!
Here are 5 ways for how to find a boyfriend and set yourself up for success:
1. Build your confidence
There’s a reason they say confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear. When you’re confident in your dating life or in a relationship, it’s electric.
There’s this intoxicating energy that says, “I love me, and so should you.”
People find confidence magnetic, so it’s worth spending some time on if you’re seeking answers to how to find a boyfriend.
*Tip: Affirm yourself! Self-affirmations are one of the simplest and most effective ways to build your confidence.
The way you feel about yourself is the energy you show up in the world with, so this is pretty important when wondering how to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Here are some examples of self-affirmations
“I am worthy of love, and the love I want also wants me.”
“I am resilient, strong, and courageous. I will go after what I want.”
2. Embrace your fear
Getting out there is scary.
Opening yourself up to potential rejection and heartbreak can make it even harder to feel confident about finding a partner.
This fear of the unknown can make you anxious, and sometimes that fear and anxiety can sabotage a relationship before it can really get started!
*Tip: Challenge your limiting beliefs and “fortune telling” stories. When you find yourself in one of these thinking traps, remind yourself that you really don’t know the future and these are just stories you’re telling yourself. Then try introducing an alternative thought!
Here’s an example thinking trap:
“He won’t be into someone like me.”
Challenge the thought: “How do I know he won’t be into someone like me? Where is my evidence for this? What does ‘someone like me’ even mean?!?
Introduce an alternative thought: I’m willing to explore the possibility that I’m exactly his type.
3. Be authentic upfront
While dating and trying hard for how to find a boyfriend, we try to show our best selves in the hopes of convincing the other person we’re worth it. We want them to want us, and we’re afraid they won’t if we’re honest.
But, we aren’t made up of just our best self! There are lots of other parts of us that are important, too. And… those parts are going to bubble up to the surface eventually.
If you want to set yourself for how to find a boyfriend, showing up as authentically as possible from the start is so important.
Otherwise you’re risking that you and your partner will grow apart once you really learn who the other person actually is.
Consider why you would want to be with someone who doesn’t like all that you are.
*Tip: Notice the things you’re trying to hide, and question why you’re trying to hide them. If you’re telling yourself “He wont like me if he knows X,Y,Z about me” you’re back in a thinking trap!
4. Learn to communicate effectively and assertively
You won’t get what you want in this life by sitting around and waiting for it!
Asking for what you want, setting boundaries and expressing how you feel are all integral parts to building a meaningful connection with someone.
When you’re communicating assertively, you can express yourself without becoming overly emotional, feel confident in negotiating for what you want, and you honor your values and goals while speaking.
Think about it, how many times have you avoided telling someone you like them, that you want more, or that you’d like to be exclusive? Some of it might be that confidence mentioned earlier, but a lot of it is a gap in your communication!
If we expect it to happen and it doesn’t, we experience deep disappointment even though there was no promise it was going to happen in the first place!
*Tip: Let go of your expectations and focus on the present. Identify things you can be grateful for in the now, even if things didn’t go the way you planned.
For example instead of “I expected we’d be in a serious relationship by now” how about “I’m grateful I am with someone I want to get serious with.”
If you’re still thinking “I want to meet someone and fall in love, ”don’t forget to be patient! If you want to get a boyfriend or partner, remember to relax. These things do take time and being patient and in the present moment will keep you having fun!
If you’re interested in learning more about why people are attracted to one another, check out this article on the laws of attraction!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.