5 Mind Hacks for How to Find a Boyfriend

Trying to figure out how to find a boyfriend or partner, or where to meet guys can be exhausting work!

It seems everyone has all this advice and so many tips on how to get a boyfriend. From how to meet men, to what to wear, how to act and what to say, all of these things can be overwhelming.

But, I have a little secret for you… how to find a boyfriend or partner has little to do with any of those things and everything to do with your mindset.

That might sound a little crazy, right? Because no one can see your mind, so how could it possibly help you?

I know… you’re thinking “I really want a boyfriend” and this person is telling me to focus on my mind?!?

The things that you think actually stand out more than any fancy outfit or shade of lipstick. Your thoughts are linked to your emotions and your behaviors, so starting with your mind is the most important part if you want to figure out how to find a partner.

If you’re currently  thinking “I want a boyfriend” or wondering “why can’t I get a boyfriend.” read on!

Here are 5 ways for how to find a boyfriend and set yourself up for success:

1. Build your confidence

There’s a reason they say confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear. When you’re confident in your dating life or in a relationship, it’s electric.

There’s this intoxicating energy that says, “I love me, and so should you.”

People find confidence magnetic, so it’s worth spending some time on if you’re seeking answers to how to find a boyfriend.

*Tip: Affirm yourself! Self-affirmations are one of the simplest and most effective ways to build your confidence.

When practiced regularly, self-affirmations shift the way you think about yourself, which ultimately changes how you feel about yourself.

The way you feel about yourself is the energy you show up in the world with, so this is pretty important when wondering how to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Here are some examples of self-affirmations

“I am worthy of love, and the love I want also wants me.”

“I am resilient, strong, and courageous. I will go after what I want.”

2. Embrace your fear

Getting out there is scary.

Opening yourself up to potential rejection and heartbreak can make it even harder to feel confident about finding a partner.

This fear of the unknown can make you anxious, and sometimes that fear and anxiety can sabotage a relationship before it can really get started!

*Tip: Challenge your limiting beliefs and “fortune telling” stories. When you find yourself in one of these thinking traps, remind yourself that you really don’t know the future and these are just stories you’re telling yourself. Then try introducing an alternative thought!

Here’s an example thinking trap:

“He won’t be into someone like me.”

Challenge the thought: “How do I know he won’t be into someone like me? Where is my evidence for this? What does ‘someone like me’ even mean?!?

Introduce an alternative thought: I’m willing to explore the possibility that I’m exactly his type.

3. Be authentic upfront

While dating and trying hard for how to find a boyfriend, we try to show our best selves in the hopes of convincing the other person we’re worth it. We want them to want us, and we’re afraid they won’t if we’re honest.

But, we aren’t made up of just our best self! There are lots of other parts of us that are important, too. And… those parts are going to bubble up to the surface eventually.

If you want to set yourself for how to find a boyfriend, showing up as authentically as possible from the start is so important.

Otherwise you’re risking that you and your partner will grow apart once you really learn who the other person actually is.

Consider why you would want to be with someone who doesn’t like all that you are.

*Tip: Notice the things you’re trying to hide, and question why you’re trying to hide them. If you’re telling yourself “He wont like me if he knows X,Y,Z about me” you’re back in a thinking trap!

4. Learn to communicate effectively and assertively

You won’t get what you want in this life by sitting around and waiting for it!

 If you want to find a partner, learning how to communicate effectively is a great step to take.

Asking for what you want, setting boundaries and expressing how you feel are all integral parts to building a meaningful connection with someone. 

When you’re communicating assertively, you can express yourself without becoming overly emotional, feel confident in negotiating for what you want, and you honor your values and goals while speaking.

Think about it, how many times have you avoided telling someone you like them, that you want more, or that you’d like to be exclusive? Some of it might be that confidence mentioned earlier, but a lot of it is a gap in your communication!

*Tip: You can build your communication confidence by practicing!

1) Identify the situation. (We’ve been seeing one another for awhile, and I’d like to talk about what is next)

2) Describe why it’s important to you or why you want it. (I am really enjoying our time together and would like to explore the next step)

3) Indicate how you’re feeling about the current state of things. (I am content with how we are right now)

4) Clearly ask for what you want. (I would like us to be exclusive)

5) Describe the benefits for the other person (Being exclusive will make us more connected, strengthen the trust in our relationship and explore if being in a serious relationship is right for us)

6) Maintain confidence! (Sit upright, keep smiling, maintain eye contact.)

7) Be willing to discuss and negotiate. ( How can we both get what we want here?)

Watch this video from social psychologist Adam Galinsky for more tips on speaking up for yourself.

5. Drop your expectations

If I have one universal piece of advice, it would be this: Let go of any and all expectations that you have about other people or dating.

Other people are not a constant variable! They change, behave in unexpected ways, do things we don’t like, believe different things and make their own choices.

So, setting expectations for how to find a boyfriend or partner is setting yourself up for failure!

Having an expectation for something does not mean it will happen.

If we expect it to happen and it doesn’t, we experience deep disappointment even though there was no promise it was going to happen in the first place!

*Tip: Let go of your expectations and focus on the present. Identify things you can be grateful for in the now, even if things didn’t go the way you planned.

For example instead of “I expected we’d be in a serious relationship by now” how about “I’m grateful I am with someone I want to get serious with.”

If you’re still thinking “I want to meet someone and fall in love, ”don’t forget to be patient! If you want to get a boyfriend or partner, remember to relax.  These things do take time and being patient and in the present moment will keep you having fun!

If you’re interested in learning more about why people are attracted to one another, check out this article on the laws of attraction!