22 Powerful Tips on How to Make a Relationship Last and Stay Happy

Love is beautiful… but let’s be real—it’s not always a fairytale! Between the laughs, cuddles, and inside jokes, there are moments of silence, doubts, and days when you wonder how to keep the spark alive. 

Relationships grow, shift, and sometimes feel downright complicated; that’s why learning how to make a relationship last can feel like a secret recipe everyone’s craving. Hearts can ache, but they can also heal; trust can falter, but it can bloom again. 

So, whether you’re newly smitten or years deep, remember… staying happy together is possible, and love—when nurtured—can be truly extraordinary!

22 powerful tips on how to make a relationship last

Keeping love strong isn’t magic—it’s mindful effort, compassion, and tiny, everyday choices. If you’ve ever wondered how to make a relationship last and enjoy a truly happy long-term relationship, these powerful tips will help you nurture connection, trust, and joy that endures life’s ups and downs.

• Dr. Dean Dorman, Ph.D. 

Psychologist

Dr. Dean Dorman is a licensed psychologist who holds a doctorate from Western Michigan University. With over thirty years of experience, he currently works as a therapist in private practice, where he specializes in couples counseling. 

1. Sideline the anger triggers, embrace the zen mode

The key to having a great marriage is to be able to ignore the “anger invitations” that your partner throws out. These are such things as bringing up things from the past, swearing, rolling their eyes, or interrupting your partner when they are talking. This allows the couple to stay on the topic of the discussion.

When arguments get derailed they never get resolved. When left unresolved they build up and damage intimacy.  Only when a couple can stay on a topic long enough to resolve their problems can they keep the relationship “resentment-free.”

• Barbara Steele Martin, LMHC

Mental Health Counselor

Barbara Steele Martin has over 15 years of clinical experience. She specializes in couples’ communication, conflict, infidelity, relational discernment, divorce, conscious uncoupling, neurodiversity, coparenting & sexual issues

2. Take responsibility for your own emotions

Emotions, positive or negative, can feel contagious when we are around our partners.  

The reality is that whatever you are feeling comes from you, not your partner. Mindfulness and regulation of your own emotions will help you to respond to your partner in healthier ways.

• Dr. Mary Speed, Ph.D., LMFT

Licensed Mental Health Counselor 

Growing up in Newfoundland, Mary Speed spent winters reflecting on life while friends pursued teaching and other careers. Though she holds seven formal degrees, her greatest teachers are the clients who entrust her with their healing. She’s recognized as one of the Best Marriage Therapists in Mandeville.

3. Here’s how your spouse spells love – A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N

In over 20 years of practice, the main theme I hear from couples from all walks of life is: My wife doesn’t appreciate me. My husband doesn’t notice what I do for him. Remember how your mate spells love; A P P R E C I A T E!

• Vicki Botnick, MFT

Vicki Botnick, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles, specializes in anxiety treatment, adolescent therapy, and couples counseling. With years of private practice and group therapy leadership, she believes in nurturing relationships through mutual understanding and shared joy. She’s also listed among the Best Marriage Therapists in Tarzana.

4. Have fewer expectations from your partner

Often, the best advice I can give to couples is to expect less from their partners. Of course, we all want our spouses to give us the love, care, and support we deserve.

But we tend to enter into a relationship thinking our spouses will provide us with all the good feelings we’re missing out on, and the truth is, we always end up disappointed (because that’s asking too much of any person), and our partner ends up feeling judged.

Instead, we have to know how to give these things to ourselves. Angry that your boyfriend doesn’t give you compliments?

Build your self-esteem so your confidence comes from within. Frustrated your girlfriend doesn’t ask you enough about work?

Go out with a friend who’s a good listener. Having a full life, with lots of friends, activities, and achievements that fulfill you, is a much better path to satisfaction than asking someone else for it.

Once you feel secure that you can provide yourself with love and support, then you can ask for something realistic from someone else, and really bask in it when you get it.

• Nicole Tholmer, LPC, LLC

Nicole Tholmer, a licensed professional counselor in Georgia, runs a private practice in Atlanta. She specializes in healthy relationships, anger management, depression, anxiety, interpersonal challenges, and trauma. Her compassionate expertise has earned her recognition as one of the Best Marriage Therapists in Smyrna.

5. Respect intermittent separateness (in decent  measures)

Invite and embrace separateness in your relationship. This will help to draw you closer together. Pursue a hobby, spend time with your friends, and encourage your partner to do the same. It will give you more things to talk about and will keep your marriage from becoming boring.

• Mark OConnell, LCSW-R

Mark O’Connell, is a NYC-based psychotherapist in private practice, working with individuals and couples on identity, career, and relationship conflicts. With a background in the performing arts, he integrates creative insights into therapy. He’s also listed among the Best Marriage Therapists in Brooklyn.

6. Meditate and explore the depths of your relationship

An activity I do with every couple I work with begins with a meditation during which I ask each partner to imagine a bedroom from childhood.  I then ask them who is in the doorway, and to take in the emotional experience of what they see as they breathe.

Some people see one parent smiling, who makes them feel secure and comforted.  Others might see two parents in the doorway, or their whole family. The people in the doorway may have disapproving expressions on their faces, or maybe watching the client’s every move hawkishly. 

Some clients see no one at all, and may even hear arguing in the next room.Then, as we come out of the meditation, we discuss what they saw, what they felt, and how that applies to their relationship with each other.  

This exercise gives us evocative images to work with the next time the couple is in conflict.

I may ask each of them to play the other’s defense attorney–and to have fun with the role, perhaps by impersonating their favorite TV lawyer- and to validate the other person’s feelings and point of view, with as much curiosity, compassion, and conviction as possible- invoking the images as exhibits as appropriate.

My advice to all couples is to try all of this at home.

• Arne Pedersen, RCCH, CHt.

Hypnotherapist

Arne Pedersen is a therapist specializing in conscious relationships, dedicated to helping individuals build meaningful, fulfilling bonds. With a compassionate, holistic approach, he guides clients through obstacles to deepen connections with themselves and their partners. Blending Hypnotherapy, mindfulness, and spiritual practices, he empowers people to nurture harmony, intimacy, and authenticity.

7. Express your needs truthfully to avoid future resentment

This can turn into a habit of not communicating a need or a healthy boundary of something that is important to us.

It can happen innocently without noticing, but over time of doing this, we lose pieces of ourselves and resentment can slowly build because we are not fully getting our needs met as a result.

We can get so conditioned to being a certain way, avoiding circumstances where we feel uncomfortable or trying not to disappoint our partner because we don’t like the result, that we don’t fully express what we really feel.

When we regularly practice speaking our truth in compassionate ways, like starting off by saying “I need to speak my truth”, we are practicing expressing and being heard for who we are, which is someone who we can maintain better than practicing being someone who we are not.

• Dr. Marion Rollings, Ph.D., DCC

Licensed Psychologist

Dr. Marion Rollings, a licensed psychologist based in Hillsborough and Bound Brook, New Jersey, specializes in working with multicultural couples and families. Using an integrative, collaborative approach, she helps clients navigate conflict resolution, trust and communication challenges, infidelity, emotional affairs, parenting, and a wide range of relationship issues.

8. Really listen to your partner, read between the lines

It’s important to learn how to argue and not fight. Communication is not just about how to talk with one another-it’s also about how we express our emotions with each other. Disagreements and misunderstandings can escalate to fights.

Learn how to really listen to what your partner needs,-Get below the surface of their anger to their pain.

• Lesley A Cross, MA, LPC

Counselor

Lesley is a licensed professional counselor and Certified Coach, proudly owning Bridges Counseling of Worthington. With degrees in Business Management, Economics, and Clinical Counseling, she blends empathy with a results-oriented approach. Lesley helps clients live intentionally, addressing challenges from trauma and mental blocks to career hurdles and relationship struggles.

9. Talk for 15 minutes every day about things that are not related to your household

Marriage is hard. Often much harder than we think it will be.  We go into the marriage after having a wonderful courtship “interview” and are often surprised to find that the job we got (i.e. we were hired as a spouse) wasn’t the one we thought we were interviewing for.

 The romance shifts a bit, and the focus turns away from courtship to the routine of life. Conversations can quickly start to focus on household, finances, children, schedule, and work.

To combat that, my best advice is to talk with your spouse daily for at least 15 minutes about things that are NOT the house, finances, work, children, or the schedule.  None of those items were involved in the interview process of falling in love.

In order to keep the flames alive and the commitment, attraction, and connection strong- couples need to be connecting on emotionally deeper levels and communication is a key part of that.

• Kavitha Goldowitz, MA, LMFT

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Kavitha Goldowitz, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California and Oregon, uses a strength-based approach, integrating modalities like Narrative Therapy, CBT, EMDR, and the Gottman Method. Specializing in ethnic and immigrant populations, she addresses inter-racial marriage challenges and cultural dynamics. 

10. Developing emotional intelligence is important for a successful marriage

Regarding marriage advice, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that you are in full control of changing yourself! The bad news is that you can’t change your partner!

Developing emotional intelligence is of primary importance to a successful marriage. Emotional intelligence means being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and needs in any given situation.

You then have the choice to respond and communicate with your partner with greater clarity. It is an empowering relationship skill that couples can develop to build a deeper connection with themselves and with each other.

• Michelle Scharlop, MS, LMFT

Licensed Mental Health Counselor 

Michelle Scharlop, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Plantation, Florida, brings over a decade of experience to her work with all types of relationships. Known for her compassionate, positive approach, she fosters meaningful conversations that heal connections and reshape patterns.

11. Don’t let parenthood hijack your marriage

Keep in mind that even though you may become parents, never forget to make time to be husband and wife.

Keep your marriage alive with a commitment to each other that includes having mutual respect, a strong friendship, willingness to compromise, daily acts of appreciation, and being able to communicate, to really communicate about any topic.

• Katherine Mazza, LMHC

  Licensed Mental Health Counselor

With over a decade in private practice, Katherine is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York and Florida, with offices in NYC and Boca Raton. A Certified Gottman Level 2 Couples Therapist, she integrates modern psychodynamic theory into her work and is also credentialed in substance abuse counseling.

12. Being right is unimportant; focus on understanding your partner’s feelings

Take the notion of Being Right and put it on the side for now. What’s more important is that your partner is feeling a certain way.

Bring Curiosity to this notion. Invest in learning why and how your partner feels this way. If you can relinquish your need to be right, you can learn something interesting, and connect in the process.

• Lesley Goth, PsyD

Counselor

Lesley is a certified EMDR therapist specializing in helping adolescents and adults navigate emotional challenges and build genuine intimacy in relationships. She also treats eating disorders, trauma, and PTSD. Lesley holds a Bachelor’s in Psychology from Skidmore College and a Master’s and PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Alliant University.

13. Never assume things; keep communicating

Look for the positive in each other on a daily basis. Always listen and make sure your partner feels heard. Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. Ask questions and never stop exploring who they are. 

Men, keep pursuing your partner, even after you say, “I do”. Women, let your partner know you are proud of him (often and genuinely).

• Myron Duberry, MA, BSc

Provisional Registered Psychologist

Myron is a provisional registered psychotherapist who supports individuals facing anxiety, depression, anger, relationship challenges, and self-esteem issues. Specializing in youth counseling and sport psychology, he creates a relaxed, collaborative environment. He holds a graduate degree in Science with a focus on Psychology from the University of Alberta.

14. Listen to your partner

Like any team, communication is key. Sometimes your partner isn’t looking for a solution to a problem, just for you to listen.

Address issues early, don’t let them build up until you can’t take it and you just explode. Talk about who’s responsible for what at home. Otherwise, someone may feel they’re doing more than their share.

• Henry M. Pittman, MA, LMFT, LPHA

Licensed Mental Health Counselor 

Henry M. Pittman is a highly credentialed therapist based in Texas, holding licenses as a Marriage & Family Therapist, Professional Counselor, and Chemical Dependency Counselor, as well as certification as an Acupuncture Detoxification Specialist.

 Nationally recognized as an NCC, MAC, and SAP, he’s also trained in EMDR, anger resolution, parent coordination, and somatic experiencing.

15. Never ignore small problems. Together they can snowball into bigger problems

Do not ignore the little problems. Many times “small” problems are not shared or voiced and these problems build up into “bigger” problems.

The couple doesn’t have the skill set to handle this “big” problem because they never learned how to address the “little problems.

• Suzanne Womack Strisik, Ph.D.

Psychologist

Dr. Strisik, a licensed psychologist in Anchorage, Alaska, works with families, couples, and individuals using a family systems and psychodynamic orientation. Her culturally sensitive, mindfulness-based approach is enriched by her background in linguistics, with a degree in Alaska Native Languages.

16. Remember to be kind to your partner all the time

Kindness to yourself and to your beloved is healthy and life-giving; it protects you from disconnect, despair, and fear.

Kindness is conscious, intentional, and powerful: it promotes self-esteem, sound thinking, and clarity in decision-making. Drop unpleasantness and harshness as often and as fast as you can.

• Sean R Sears, MS

Counselor

Sean, part of the team at New Leaf Counseling Center in Kansas City, MO, has over 20 years of experience working with couples and families. With degrees in Administration of Justice and Guidance and Counseling, he’s also an ordained minister and certified Prepare/Enrich facilitator. 

17. Five foundational “R’S” for marriage

RESPONSIBILITY-  For any marriage to be healthy each spouse must learn to take responsibility for their own feelings, thoughts, attitudes, actions, and words.  

RESPECT-  This may seem like a “no-brainer.”  However, I am not just talking about treating our spouse with respect in our actions and words which is important.  I am referring to the respect that accepts, values and affirms our differences.

REPAIR- John Gottman has often said that most of the marriage is repair work.  By repair, I mean specifically forgiveness. We have to be diligent to keep our hearts from becoming bitter, mistrustful or closed.  

The main way to do that is to develop the habit of forgiveness. Couples that are really struggling are usually at a point where neither partner feels safe or connected.  The main path back to safety and connection starts with the willingness to forgive.

REPEAT-  One of the first lessons you learn as a counselor is the art of active listening.  Active listening is repeating back to the other person what you heard them saying in your own words.  Spouses need to make sure the intent of their message is the same as the impact.

The only way to do that is to do a “check-in” which is to repeat what is heard and ask if you understood correctly.  There is a difference between effective communication and constructive communication.

REMEMBER-  We need to remember the “golden rule.”  We need to treat our spouse the way we would like to be treated.  We need to know that marriage is always a work in progress. 

We need to remember that marriage is not necessarily about finding the right person but becoming the right person.  

• Carlos Ortiz Rea, LMHC, MS Ed, JD

 Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Carlos Ortiz Rea, a licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York, brings over 15 years of experience working with adults, children, and couples. He specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, and supporting individuals with developmental disabilities, offering compassionate care across diverse needs.

18. Be tolerant of each other’s vices

Everyone has heard the following:  There is no such a thing as something for nothing, always there is something for something.   While this is an ancient and popular apothegm, it can be applicable to couple’s dynamics as well.

Whether we want to accept it or not, the exchange, trade, or reciprocity between the dyad is always latent.From this premise, we can infer, that in order to keep an amicable and comfortable, and healthy relationship, we must apply this principle.

In other words, to keep a good relationship, we have to accept and tolerate our partner spouse’s weaknesses and pitfalls in a reciprocal way. Maintaining this middle ground, so to speak, seems to be the key to a balanced, fulfilled, and ultimately healthy relationship.

• Marissa Nelson, LMFT

Licensed Mental Health Counselor 

Marissa Nelson, Founder & CEO of IntimacyMoons Couples Retreats, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Sex Therapist, and Divorce Mediator. Specializing in couples and intimacy issues, she has worked extensively in private practice in the Greater Washington DC area and now leads workshops and speaks on intimacy and connection. 

19. Don’t share the details of your marriage with others

The person you are marrying is no longer your bf or gf- you will be sharing a life together. To that end, it’s important to preserve and protect the integrity of the relationship. When you get mad, no Facebook rants or cryptic quotes about a fight you may be having.

No more calling all of your friends for consensus about whether you are right or wrong in an argument. Your marriage is sacred and what happens in your relationship needs to stay in your relationship.

When that doesn’t happen you invite others into your connection which is never a good thing. Lean in a trusted best friend to blow off steam or find a therapist that you can confide in AND learn skills to be a better mate and get through conflict.

• Delverlon Hall, LCSW

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Delverlon Hall provides couples therapy and individual psychotherapy. She holds a doctoral degree in Health Education and Behavior Studies from Columbia University and has three years of experience as an adjunct professor at Bronx Community College.

20. Focusing on developing awareness around negative patterns is important

Most couples are never interested in knowing who their partners are nor are they ever really willing to be known.

Becoming aware of unconscious fantasies in your relationship is important, understanding unmet needs from childhood are activated in relationships; these needs almost always are projected into the relationship and interfere with couples feeling close to one another.  

Relationships require emotional engagement, attunement, and a real willingness to understand one another. Focusing on developing awareness around negative patterns and the willingness to develop skills around communicating needs and vulnerability is vital for a healthy relationship and marriage.

• Martha S. Bache-Wiig, EPA, CA

Holistic Coach and Counselor

Martha is an experienced holistic coach and counselor specializing in Existential Personalistic Anthropology. She guides individuals toward becoming their best selves, viewing clients not as broken but as capable of self-healing. Her holistic approach identifies painful patterns and empowers people to pursue greater joy, freedom, and purpose in their lives.

21. Conflicts are healthy. They help sort out latent marital issues

Don’t be afraid of conflict; it helps you get clear about what is truly important to you, and how to make sure both your needs are met.

But once you are clear, choose Love, overdominance, or spite. Nurture the purpose and joy that brought you together in the beginning, and your Love and Connectedness will grow!

Watch this TED Talk by Stan Tatkin, a relationship therapist, who shares why relationships are challenging and how understanding attachment styles can foster deeper, more secure connections. 

• Jessica Hutchison, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor 

Jessica specializes in grief and loss therapy for individuals, couples, and families. Inspired by her own loss after her father’s suicide in 2011, she co-founded www.oursideofsuicide.com to support survivors. Jessica also educates clinicians nationwide through public speaking and continuing education programs focused on traumatic and complicated grief.

22. Expecting your partner to complete you sets you up for disappointment

Don’t expect your partner to complete you, expect them to contribute to you. Expecting another human to make us whole, leads to unrealistic expectations, and disappointment.

If you feel disappointed in your current marriage, ask yourself, “Am I expecting my partner to do more than they are capable of?”

Final thoughts

Love isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about creating and nurturing a bond that weathers life’s storms and celebrates its joys. If you want to learn how can you make a relationship last, it takes patience, commitment, and a willingness to grow together.

Whether you’re in a new romance or a long-term relationship, the journey toward lasting love is filled with both challenges and beautiful discoveries. 

Remember, small efforts, open communication, and genuine care can transform your connection, helping you and your partner build a relationship that’s joyful, resilient, and deeply fulfilling.