If you’ve experienced a betrayal from your husband, you’re probably spending many days and sleepless nights wondering how to forgive him. It might be very hard to find a path towards forgiveness and you are left wondering how to save your marriage. Especially if some of the conditions for it are missing. For example, a good apology is usually needed for the victim of a betrayal to be able to forgive. Also, you will need the outcome to be positive, as well as the promise and assurance that the betrayal won’t happen again. If this isn’t the case, you might find it difficult to exonerate your husband from the guilt of being the traitor of your marital trust.
Betrayal and how it can be used for good
Betrayal in marriage can take many forms. It might occur in regard to the couple’s finances or shared plans, it can be related to addictions, but most commonly, it is the occurrence of extramarital affairs. Cheating is one of the most severe, but also very frequent forms of treachery in marriage, leaving little inclination to save your marriage.
Whatever the exact nature of your husband’s betrayal might be, it is almost certain that it is, in fact, the lies that come the most difficult for you to forgive. Being untruthful in relationships is among the most devastating negative habits that account for the majority of breakups. Although this doesn’t undermine the severity of an affair or an addiction, for example, it seems that the underlying issue is the lack of honesty.
Let’s look at the other side of things too
This is so because you decided to dedicate your entire life to someone. And you did that with an assumption that you know who you’ve given yourself to. Once the trust has been broken, you now have to find a way to get to know and love this new husband of yours. And, let’s face it, you probably don’t like him all that much at the moment. It is a liar, a cheater, a selfish coward, and much more. Yet, let’s look at the other side of things too.
Although you might not like hearing that when you feel that your whole world has gone to thin air, your marriage probably wasn’t as perfect as you would like to believe. Yes, your husband did something awful, but he probably feels that he had a reason for it. Which is why you should sit down and find out what had led to the betrayal.
You should enter such conversation once you’ve survived the phase of shock after finding out about the betrayal. As soon as your emotions settle down a little, take a deep breath, and embark on getting to know the reality of your marriage and your real husband. By doing so, you will gain resources for building an entirely new and much better marriage.
How to speed up the recovery from betrayal and forgiveness
When you survived a betrayal by your husband, you will need to recover from it. In some instances, unfortunately, it takes years to heal completely. But, to reach this final step in recovering from a betrayal, you will need to eventually forgive your husband. It doesn’t mean letting him off the hook or accepting new transgressions. It only meant liberating yourself from the poison of resentment.
There are several factors that can hinder forgiveness. The first is missing some of the conditions of forgiveness. As we already mentioned in the introduction, in order for you to forgive, you will probably need your husband to apologize, and to do so honestly and with a deep understanding of what it was that he did wrong. Furthermore, the outcome of the trauma will need to be positive. For example, after an affair, you will be able to forgive if your marriage prevails such hurdle. Finally, you will need an assurance from your husband that the betrayal won’t keep happening.
Do not push yourself towards forgiveness too soon
Also, if you’re trying to push yourself towards forgiveness too soon, it might be counterproductive. Forgiveness is a long and often bumpy process, one in which you will often go back and forth. This is normal. However, don’t try and force yourself to reach a complete forgiveness too early, as you might become demotivated by a new wave of anger, disappointment, or sadness.
What if you can’t move on with your marriage
In some cases, the betrayal is so severe that you just can’t find it in you to forgive your husband. Or, the foundations of your marriage were fragile and insufficient to provide you with enough reason to forgive and move on. Remember, even if you decide to split and pursue happiness outside of your marriage, forgiveness is something that will make you feel free and alive again. So, without rushing it, but with deliberate dedication, work on reaching forgiveness for your husband. With it, your own recovery will also come.
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