Infidelity- It’s one of the most devastating things that can happen to your marriage, and one of the hardest to get over. The person you promised to love, honor, and cherish ’til death do you apart has informed you that they have been intimate with another person.
This leaves you with no other option than getting over infidelity.
But surviving infidelity in marriage has one of the two possible tangible outcomes. Either you will choose to stay with your partner, or decide to let go.
Every situation is unique. So, when you contemplate- how to get over infidelity in a marriage, every case cannot have the same solution.
As yourself, do you work to try and mend your marriage? Or is this breach of vows enough to make you decide to leave?
Surviving an affair and recovering from infidelity is not going to be easy. So, read along for seven effective ways of overcoming infidelity and boosting your emotional infidelity recovery process.
1. Take some time to take stock
After you learn that your partner has been emotionally and physically intimate with someone else, it’s a good idea to take some time to be by yourself. You need your own space to think about what your next steps will be.
You can ask your partner to leave home temporarily, or you may decide to move to another place to seek solace.
You may wish to talk to your trusted circle of family and friends. You may also want to reach out to a therapist. Or you may want to hold this information close to the chest, mulling privately about what it means and what you wish to do. Sharing such life-impacting news is up to you.
The critical thing to remember while getting over infidelity is not to make any decisions rashly.
One of the crucial aspects of the infidelity recovery stage is that your spouse must cease all communication, be it by text, email, or phone, with the person he was cheating on you with.
There can be no slow goodbye or long explanation for cutting things off. If your spouse is not willing to stop the affair, do not proceed with trying to mend the marriage.
3. Your partner should answer all your questions about the affair
It is normal for you to want to know all the details about the when, the where and the why of your spouse’s infidelity. While you and your partner are getting over infidelity, your spouse should agree to provide you with the details.
The need to know may come in waves; there will be days where you just can’t face knowing anything, followed by days where you want to grill your spouse on the most intimate of details surrounding his trysts.
Your partner should understand that this is part of the healing process, even if it is uncomfortable for them (and it will be).
4. Your partner should accept the responsibility for the indiscretions
If your partner blames you, saying things like, “She was so hot, and you, you’ve let yourself go,” or “He loved having sex with me, and you are always too tired,” you have a choice.
You can leave the marriage, or you can work with the marriage counselor to help your husband understand the importance of talking about these types of problems rather than thinking an affair is an excellent solution to them.
Ideally, your spouse should apologize and try to work things out between the two of you.
5. Bring in expert support
Despite making all the efforts, if you are always bugged by questions like – ‘how to deal with infidelity’, or ‘how to get over betrayal’, do not shy away from seeking professional help.
A qualified marriage counselor will help you unpack the reasons behind the affair. This is important, and dealing with infidelity in the safety of a therapist’s office is better than trying to talk about it yourselves.
A neutral third party will guide the conversation and work with you to find healthy resolution; your counselor will also keep your emotions in check and calm tempers should they start to escalate (which is normal).
Remember: a marriage counselor has seen it all and knows what it takes to help a committed couple overcome the distress associated with marriage affairs.
Watch this video to help you in getting over infidelity.
6. Know it that you are on the path towards healing
Be aware there is no set timeline for healing. Getting over infidelity is a two-step forward, one-step backward process. But you should see a linear progression upwards.
You will have fewer and fewer days of waking up, and feeling like all you want to do is – cry. Your mind will go less and less to imagined images of your spouse and “that person” together.
As you work with your husband to address the issues that led to the infidelity, you will find that you have a new closeness developing.
Infidelity can eventually be viewed as a blessing in disguise. It can serve to wake up a marriage that has grown stale or routine.
By recommitting to your relationship through open communication and forgiveness, you can find that version 2.0 of your marriage is even better than the original one!
Knowing these aspects, remember that you’ve been through the fire and have come out stronger.
So, trust your instincts. Seek help for getting over infidelity, but make a decision yourself. And, stand by it!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.