Why Ghosters Come Back and How to Respond: 25 Ways

Why ghosters always come back is an intriguing question. Often, when the ghoster sends the inevitable text as if nothing ever happened, there’s no apology. The message doesn’t explain where the ghoster has been or why they left.

It’s almost like continuing a conversation you were just in the middle of like nothing ever happened. There’s no admission that the individual walked away without explanation, leaving you without closure.

The coming back is as baffling as the “open-ended” breakup. With ghosting, there’s no official end, leaving the option to come and go if the person chooses and is given permission. 

“Why do guys come back after ghosting?” “Why do women come back after ghosting?” “How to respond to a ghoster who comes back” Let’s answer all these questions!

Why do ghosters come back?

Ghosters often leave a relationship when it’s in a prime state, which can be quite confusing to their partner. There don’t seem to be any reasons for the disappearing act, thus leaving the victim flabbergasted and unable to close the chapter.

Why do ghosters come back? It would appear the individual never officially ends the partnership, leaving the option to come back as they choose. The relationship seems to almost serve as a hedge in case nothing better works out. That sounds harsh, but the behavior is unkind.

How long before ghosters come back?

The duration before ghosters reconsider their actions and decide to return can vary significantly. A key factor influencing this timeframe is the reason behind their initial decision to ghost. 

While there isn’t a precise timeline, insights into what percentage of ghosters come back suggest that a notable number eventually reach out again, often driven by guilt, nostalgia, or a change in circumstances. 

Research reveals a cautious approach to ghosting among participants: 44% “rarely” ghost, and 28% do so “once every few years.” A similar fraction ghost annually or more. Interestingly, 48% ghost less as they age, 37% more frequently, and 15% see little change. This suggests a nuanced understanding and application of ghosting over time.

When a ghoster comes back, it’s usually after they’ve had time to reflect on their actions and the impact they’ve had, which can range from a few weeks to several months.

Does a ghoster regret their ghosting behavior?

Suppose you ponder, “How does the ghoster feel after ghosting someone?” it can depend on the partnership circumstances and how the ghoster left it. Some ghosters claim to feel terrible about the behavior but feel compelled to respond to the partnership’s path in this way.

Still, If you look at it broadly, you could say that ghosting is generally deemed an “open-ended” breakup, with most individuals feeling that the door is always open.

That means there isn’t an official ending, so there is nothing to regret. Check out this book, which attempts to detail why men, in particular, lose interest and how to avoid getting ghosted.

25 reasons why ghosters always come back

After being ghosted for a few days, the feeling is that you’ll never see the person again. As you deal with what you believe to be a breakup, facing questions like why people ghost you and wondering if there was something you might have done, suddenly the ghoster reappears.

Most partners are confused at the strange turn of events, wondering why the ghoster returned. It’s as illogical as their exit, especially considering the individual acts like things can start just where they left off, skipping a beat.

1. Regret has set in

Not all ghosters will feel a sense of regret. It is, in fact, rare, but it does happen with some partners. These people realize that they made a mistake by ghosting someone, hurting another person, and causing them to feel guilty.

They admit their selfishness and come with an apology. When trust is broken like it was by being ghosted in the first place, it can be challenging to forgive and offer a second chance. Still, that is an option in this scenario. 

You can also offer forgiveness but choose to move on to a more healthy relationship.

2. They are jealous 

If a boy or girl ghosted and came back, there is a chance she noticed you have moved into another relationship. Or perhaps there have been rumors of an interest in another person. 

With many ghosters, the ghosting intention is to leave the door open until they find something better. If you move on first, it can hurt them, mainly if there are still feelings there. 

The individual doesn’t necessarily want you as a mate but doesn’t want anyone else to have you. It’s wise for you to pursue your other interests.

3. They miss you

One of the suggestions as to why ghosters always come back is that the individual starts to miss their companion. Sometimes, the adage “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” rings true for partners.

When the ghoster looks for something better, they realize the person they had was best suited for them. That conjures memories, causing them to react by reaching out to you. 

The issue for you is whether this will be a permanent return or they’ll get cold feet again. Did they admit what they did and sincerely apologize? That will speak volumes.

4. There are presumptions and insecurities

In your confused state after being ghosted, you’re likely pondering, “Do ghosters ever come back?” This ghoster, on the other hand, has seemingly developed a lack of self-esteem and diminished confidence. 

The individual believes you hold little regard for them and wouldn’t be bothered if they were to disappear. They perceived a lack of interest from you or felt rejected and found it necessary to move on by ghosting you.

As time passes, the ghoster senses you miss them, so they consider resuming the relationship. If you did reject them at one point, it’s better to let the partnership pass to avoid any future hurt.

If the ghoster is having a lot of unfortunate misperceptions about your mindset, it’s again better to let go since the two of you are not likely to ever be on the same page.

5. They don’t see what’s transpired as wrong

One of the ideas concerning why ghosters always come back is people come from varied “settings,” if you will, or “environments.” Some people could be naive to the fact that ghosting is a hurtful behavior, doing so without the intention of causing pain.

They might believe that when they have a lot of things happening in their life, it’s quite normal to ignore texts and calls regardless of the timespan. 

They might believe that when they have a lot of things happening in their life, it’s quite normal to ignore texts and calls regardless of the timespan.  

Such a situation requires an open dialog with a detailed explanation of how communication should work and why the behavior was inappropriate.

6. They know you will be readily available

Do ghosters come back? They often do if you have a reputation of being someone people can count on to be there when needed. 

Perhaps the same ghoster has done this to you a couple of times because you’re so readily available, kind, and forgiving. It’s time to let this person know you’re moving on, or maybe doing some slight ghosting of your own might be somewhat apropos.

7. They are bored

A sound reason why ghosters always come back is boredom. The sad fact is the person most often walked away from your partnership because they felt in a rut but wouldn’t communicate that with you.

Needless to say, while away, it was decidedly more boring alone. Unfortunately, a cycle can develop with this partner coming to feed their ego and leaving as they grow weary as long as you allow it. Don’t allow it.

8. Rejection is a two-way street

It is sincerely possible the ghoster stepped away from you, leaving the relationship uncertain while testing the waters with another person of interest.

When the new partner rejected the ghoster, they decided to return to the partnership they had left open for just that reason. You’re safe and a companion until another person of interest comes along. It’s also better for you to reject this two-timer.

9. They realize they want a commitment

When you finally achieve healing from what you consider a tough breakup, it can be destructive when the ghoster returns while trying to progress into a healthy pattern. 

It’s more confusing when they desire to explore a commitment and acknowledge the mistake of allowing their emotions to waver. Still, you must realize no one is perfect, especially regarding relationships. 

Coach Dionne Eleanor points out,

Sometimes, ghosters are simply scared and take time away to reflect. They don’t see it as ghosting in this context; they see it as being sure of what they want before making their subsequent response.

When things grow serious, sometimes people get scared and make wrong moves. A second chance may be warranted when they recognize the mistakes and show genuine regret and readiness for commitment. 

It would be essential to create some ground rules for the relationship and explore any fears together before actually committing, though.

10. They are interested in a hookup

The ghoster makes no excuses or bears no apologies; instead, it is straightforward that they merely hope for a sexual encounter with someone familiar.

It would be a sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement, and see where it might go from there. Hopefully, you will indeed have an excellent negative response to this.

11. They are looking for a support system

A primary reason ghosters always come back is the support a loving relationship can provide. If the two of you had a perfect thing going, which often is the case when ghosting happens, you were likely a unique support system for your partner. 

Once the ghoster stepped away from the partnership, the struggles they were dealing with at the time were still plaguing them, but they had no one to turn to now. 

When they come back, the sole purpose is to have someone to talk to. You can offer to listen if you want to be kind, but let the person know you have moved on in every other sense. 

12. They have an urgent requirement

Anytime a favor needs to be taken care of, you would go. That would be whether the ghoster needed errands handled, apartment sitting, or help with chores.

The individual comes suddenly calling because they can’t find someone to attend an event they feel is essential, but they know they can count on you in a pinch. 

13. Happy couples surround them

Perhaps the ghoster has returned because they continue to remember all the two of you shared, along with examples of happy relationships around them. Maybe friends are getting engaged, couples are having babies, or family is asking about you.

That doesn’t mean they still have feelings for you or won’t do the same thing again; it’s just them reminiscing. Unless you see sincerity and genuine effort in moving forward, it’s better to stay in your healthy place.

14. They need attention 

Sometimes there are feelings of neglect, and a need for attention is part of why ghosters always come back. When standing on their own without a continuous stream of affection or attention, a ghoster longs for what they had in the partnership.

That doesn’t necessarily mean the person, but a relationship. It’s essential to make that distinction and be cautious.

15. Ghosting can mirror narcissistic behavior

A narcissist thrives on power. A ghoster who is narcissistic uses their power to put their mate in a position of inferiority.

When the individual attempts to return to the partnership, they show their superiority, implying that they can come and go at will. This sort of behavior can be toxic and should be avoided.

16. Curiosity is not the same as love

You shouldn’t confuse a ghoster’s curious nature with their desire to be in your life. The individual’s wonder if they can get back with you is not the same as the desire to do. Nor is it acknowledging what they did was hurtful and wrong. 

For a second chance to be worth considering, there must be a sincere intention and commitment to building a future together. It’s essential to steer clear of further communication without sensing this genuine desire.

17. There’s an ex in the mix

The ghoster has had another relationship and breakup since they walked away from you. Now, the hope is that you can help make things better for them. 

It would be a rebound situation because the ghoster was on the receiving end of the breakup this time. To this, you would, of course, say, “no.”

18. They have matured

In some instances, ghosters always come back quite simply because people have the affinity to grow and change as time passes.

With that period of growth comes maturity and an acknowledgment of fault for things many people wish they could take back over the course of their lives and make amends for. 

And ghosters are no different. Does that mean they want to rekindle the relationship? Quite possibly. Or maybe not. But it’s worth a conversation.

19. You might be missing them

In the same vein, as them missing you, a ghoster can conclude that you may come to a point where you miss them if enough time passes. For some ghosters, they ensure that plenty of time goes by before they attempt to come back, so that might be the case. 

In such a way, there will be no need for discussion over the ghosting “incident,” and things can just pick up where they left off. Of course, you won’t let the ghoster off that easily.

Communication is essential, with much discussion needed before any second chance can be considered. There needs to be a re-establishment of trust, which can’t be accomplished without acknowledging wrong.

20. They are lonely

When the ghoster walked away, it could have been a spur-of-the-moment decision that sort of caught them off guard as well. Sometimes, people get scared when things become a bit too real.

If the individual wasn’t looking for another relationship or pursuing someone of interest, they might be spending a lot of time alone and perhaps becoming lonely. 

That causes the ghoster to reach back out to you. While you feel confused, your partner is too. Maybe the relationship was moving just a bit too fast. Perhaps if you slow things down, no one will get scared and feel the need to run away.

21. Reflecting on life changes

Life’s unpredictable nature often brings about significant changes, such as a career shift, relocation, or personal loss, which can profoundly impact one’s perspective on past relationships. These pivotal moments serve as a mirror, reflecting on actions and decisions made hastily or without much thought. 

For ghosters, such introspection might reveal a newfound appreciation for the stability and comfort they once had with you. The isolation or challenges faced during these times can intensify their regret over the ghosting, compelling them to seek a second chance. 

Such outreach is not merely about finding familiar ground but a deeper acknowledgment of the value and significance you brought to their life, which they now seek to reclaim amidst the turbulence of their current circumstances.

22. The influence of mutual friends

The social dynamics within mutual friend groups can significantly influence the behavior of a ghoster. Friends and acquaintances shared between the two of you can unknowingly act as mediators, sharing insights or expressing concerns that highlight the loss of the relationship. 

These interactions can serve as a catalyst for the ghoster, prompting them to reassess their actions and the impact of their departure. Whether through a nostalgic recounting of shared memories or pointing out the noticeable absence felt within the group, these social cues can spark a desire for reconciliation. 

The realization that their actions have affected not only the relationship but also the broader social fabric can motivate a ghoster to reach out, hoping to mend the rift and restore harmony.

23. Discovering the value of what was lost

The allure of new experiences and relationships can lead individuals to make the hasty decision to ghost, driven by the belief that something better awaits. 

However, the reality of new interactions seldom lives up to the idealized expectations set by novelty. This realization can dawn slowly as the ghoster manages new relationships, only to find that the depth, understanding, and connection they shared with you are rare. 

The comfort of shared history, mutual understanding, and the effortless connection that characterized your relationship becomes increasingly appealing as they encounter the superficiality and transience of new connections. 

Such a stark contrast can lead to a profound appreciation of the unique bond you shared, compelling them to seek a way back, hoping to recapture the essence of what was lost in pursuit of the unknown.

Psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., discusses what to do when you’ve been ghosted in her insightful podcast:

24. Growth and the desire to make amends

Personal growth and the journey toward self-improvement often involve reflecting on past behaviors and acknowledging one’s faults and mistakes. For someone who has ghosted, this process of self-reflection can be a pivotal moment, leading to the realization of the hurt and confusion their actions have caused. 

With maturity comes the understanding that communication and openness are fundamental to healthy relationships, and the act of ghosting contradicts these principles. A desire to make amends and demonstrate personal growth can motivate a ghoster to re-establish contact. 

Such an approach is not about excusing past behavior but showing a genuine willingness to change and engage in more respectful and considerate interactions, laying the groundwork for a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.

25. Realizing genuine connections are rare

So, why do guys ghost and come back? 

Realizing that genuine, deep connections are a rarity can strike a poignant chord with a ghoster in a world inundated with fleeting interactions and superficial connections. The initial decision to ghost might have been influenced by the illusion of endless options and opportunities for connection. 

However, as they manage through these transient interactions, the depth and authenticity of the connection shared with you become increasingly evident. This realization can ignite a deep sense of loss and a yearning to reconnect with something real and substantial. 

The desire to return is not merely about revisiting the past but acknowledging the rarity and value of a genuine connection, prompting a willingness to invest the effort and vulnerability required to rebuild and nurture a truly meaningful relationship.

FAQs

Modern relationships can lead to encounters with ghosting. Below are answers to some frequently asked questions about this phenomenon:

• Why do ghosters keep coming back?

Ghosters often return due to regret, a realization of the value lost, boredom, or loneliness. They may miss the connection and intimacy once shared, prompting them to reconsider their initial decision to ghost.

• Do people regret ghosting?

Many individuals do experience regret after ghosting. This regret can stem from self-reflection, understanding the hurt caused, or recognizing the loss of a meaningful connection, leading them to reconsider their actions.

• Why do I get ghosted repeatedly?

Repeated ghosting might occur due to patterns in the types of relationships pursued or how connections are formed. It can also reflect broader dating culture dynamics where communication and commitment levels vary widely among individuals.

• What to do when a ghoster reappears?

When a ghoster reappears, assess their intentions and your feelings. Open communication about the impact of their actions and your expectations moving forward is crucial. Decide if you’re willing to give them another chance or if it’s healthier to move on.

Final thoughts

None of the reasons why ghosters always come back will instantly repair the broken trust created by the behavior. Some excuses help to understand the individual and situation, but healing and relationship repair must occur if a new partnership is to be established. 

Some of that will require developing good communication between each other. Since communication was likely an issue in the old relationship, it’s wise to seek a couple’s counselor or relationship coach/therapist for additional guidance to establish tools for a constructive and loving communication style.