Marriage, the sacred vows and promises “till death do us part”, are the wonderful doors opening to a new life together for innumerable couples every day. But sadly, there is a very high percentage, where divorce becomes inevitable.
During this emotional transitional period, many couples act with their hearts and not their minds, plunging into remarrying after a divorce.
Can you remarry after divorce? Remarriage after divorce is often a rebound phenomenon, where initial support and attention by someone, is mistaken for true love.
However, to answer the question, how long should you wait to get married, there is no hard and fast rule or a magical number about when to remarry after a divorce.
Nevertheless, a common consensus among most marriage experts is that the average time to remarry after divorce is around two to three years, which can substantially reduce the likelihood of a divorce.
This is the most delicate time when no hasty decisions should be made about remarrying after a divorce.
Financial, emotional and circumstantial factors must be clearly evaluated and then a decision whether to remarry after divorce should be considered.
Things to consider before remarrying after a divorce
Once you have entered into a relationship, proceed slowly and carefully. If the prospect of remarriage starts emerging, open your eyes wide and reevaluate your emotions and decision.Especially if children are involved from one or both partner’s first marriages.
Remarriage for the right reasons is never wrong. But second marriage after divorce is not a simple thing.
Challenges attached to marrying a divorced woman or man force you to consider the following factors attached to remarriage after divorce.
1. Give yourself time before committing
Slow down. Do not rush into a new relationship and getting married again after a divorce.
These rebound relationships may provide transient numbing of the divorce pain. Rushing into marriage after divorce has its pitfalls.
In the long run, remarrying after a divorce impulsively spells disaster. So, before getting remarried after divorce, do the following.
Give yourself time to heal.
Give your children time to recover from their loss and pain.
Then step into a new relationship by ending the previous one.
2. Are you blaming your ex-partner for the divorce?
Is it ok to remarry after divorce?
Remarrying after a divorce is a loft decision and can be a bad idea if the past looms large over your head.
Plans for remarriage are doomed for failure if you cannot let go of your past. If the anger is still there for your ex, you will never be able to get fully involved with a new partner.
So, get your ex-spouse out of your thoughts before starting a new life and getting married after a divorce. Remember getting married right after divorce, can increase the likelihood of relationship meltdown and regret.
Remarriage for children means that the chances of a reconciliation between their parents are finished.
That loss, grief, and entering into a new stepfamily, is a big step into the unknown. Be sensitive and considerate of your children’s loss. Sometimes it’s the best idea to wait until your kids leave home and then to remarry.
4. Keeping old loyalties
When remarrying after a divorce, do not force your children to make choices.
Give them permission to feel and love their biological as well as step-parents. Doing the balancing act between the biological and step-parents is a common fear of marriage after divorce.
5. The equation between your new partner and the kids
Always remember, for your new spouse, your kids will always be yours and not ours.
It’s true that in many instances close bonds are formed between step-parents and stepchildren, but moments will come when disagreements may result over your kids’ decisions.
6. Are you marrying the new love interest?
When couples are living together, they become more and more involved in their lives and problems.
Time breeds familiarity between them and ultimately these couples decide to marry. This decision is reached because couples think it’s the obvious outcome of their relationship.
These marriages see failure in many of the cases. So, before remarrying with someone you are living with, ask yourself; are you really committed to each other or will it be just a marriage of convenience.
If you are dealing with such a situation, pre-marriage counseling can help you in exploring the important aspects and chances of remarriage after divorce.
7. Understanding your emotional needs
Reevaluate your feelings.
Figure out which of your emotional needs were not fulfilled which led to divorce in the first place. Take a deep look, if your new relationship is not like your first. Feel your emotions to ensure that the new relationship will take care of all your emotional needs.
8. Is there financial compatibility?
Economics plays a vital pivotal role in any relationship. It is in your best interest to evaluate your financial standing before entering into marriage.
It is essential to evaluate if you or your new partner are in any debt, what are your individual earnings, your individual assets and can one support the other in case one loses his / her job.
Find the time to seek the right answers to these important questions.
Sit down with them and discuss the following issues:
Ensure them you will love them always.
They will now have 2 homes and 2 families.
If they feel resentment, grief and are not ready to accept the new family – it’s alright.
The adjustment may not be easy and it will come with time.
10. Are you ready to work as a team?
Remarriages demand commitments.
Both partners must work as a team to overcome these challenges. The question arises, are the step-parents ready to take their roles, know their limits and authority and contribute to parental leadership.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.