There are some things your partner should never say to you; not because they are impossible to forgive but because they are hurtful and leave deep scars in your mind if you hear them from your partner.
Saying hurtful things to someone you love erodes the relationship by affecting their mental health and reducing the trust they had in you.
Many people throw words around without knowing the things not to say to their partner in the relationship.
As a result, they hurt their relationship unknowingly. In this article, we’ll show you the 4 things your partner should never say to you, 14 things you should never say to your partner, and how to fix a relationship after saying hurtful things to your partner.
What 4 words can ruin a relationship
Regardless of how hard you try, relationships aren’t a walk in the park. Tempers flare, and at some point, you may find yourself in an altercation/fight with your partner.
Regardless of how annoyed you get, here are 4 things you should never say to your partner. These 4 words can ruin a relationship. Even at your lowest point, avoid these 4 like the plague.
1. Shut up
The thing about ‘shut up’ is that it sounds trivial and can easily slip out of your mouth when you are highly angry or irritated. However, telling your partner to shut up is something you should never do because the expression is harsh and can easily be misconstrued to connote something deeper.
While you may mean this as a call for your partner to keep silent (and maybe listen to what you have to say firing a fight), shut up can be considered rude, impolite, and a form of profanity by some people.
In extreme conditions, your partner may interpret it to be a derogatory comment from you, as it can mean that you do not value their contributions at the moment. This is why “shut up” is one of the things you should never say to your spouse.
This is another word you may be tempted to throw at your partner in the middle of a fight or argument.
While it may mean nothing to you, this expression can be easily interpreted by your partner as derogatory and dismissive of their emotions and feelings. To some people, it may make them feel as though you are trying to invalidate their emotions.
When your partner is trying to get you to open up to them about something, giving them the cold shoulder can be intensely gratifying on your part.
However, this is hurtful to them and can cause them to refrain from reaching out to you in the future when you show signs of physical, mental, and emotional distress.
The terrible thing about the silent treatment isn’t the effect it has on your relationship immediately.
It is the fact that it can create frustration and pent-up anger, which will, in turn, eat away at your relationship. If you need some time to think and be alone, you should come clean and let your partner know immediately.
This is one of the things your partner should never say to you. This is because since you may not mean it, using this word on your partner is deeply hurtful. Insinuating that you want a divorce suggests that your marriage has become painful to you and that you want out.
Even if you didn’t quite mean it, it can negatively affect trust in the relationship and cause your spouse to begin second-guessing the entire marriage.
14 things you should never say to your partner
Saying hurtful things in a relationship can kill it over time. Here are 14 expressions you must never throw at your partner, even when you are infatuated or in the middle of a fight.
1. I wish I never met you
This cuts deep and can even force your partner to begin pulling out of the relationship immediately.
One of the things that happen when you shove this expression at your partner is that they may begin to withdraw from you and the relationship; emotionally, physically, and mentally. This can cause friction in the relationship and cracks that may only widen with time.
2. You have become fat
Although you may take it as a joke, this is a subtle form of body shaming and can have a terrible effect on your partner’s mental health. Making a mockery of a person’s body type can lead to deterioration of their mental well being self-esteem, and can lead to a lack of self-confidence.
In addition to being hurtful, telling your partner that they have become fat tends to pack a stronger punch on their mental health, especially because they have come to trust your opinions.
3. You are crazy
This is outright nasty and is one of the things you should never say to someone, especially your partner. When you tell someone that they are crazy, it could imply that you question their sense of reasoning/judgment, and this statement can pack a terrible punch.
Instead of telling them, they’re crazy, you may want to take some time to understand exactly where they’re coming from and what makes them feel the way they do.
Besides being one of the things your partner should never say to you, saying this to your partner implies that you are trivializing their emotions and implies that you seek to absolve them of every right to express what they feel.
If you think your partner is being unreasonable with their emotions, the best course of action may be to wait it out.
The challenge with this comment is that once you throw it at your partner, they may spend the rest of the relationship feeling inadequate or trying to overcompensate for any sexual inconveniences they may cause you.
This is one of the things your partner should never say to you because hearing “I don’t care” from someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart can stimulate the fear of abandonment and carefully erode a relationship over time.
Even if you don’t mean it, try your best to refrain from saying this to your partner, especially when they’re talking about something that means much to them.
7. Your parents are the reason for…
If you’re in a relationship with someone whose parents don’t approve of (or like) you, it is easy to shift the blame of every fight over to them.
Sometimes, you may have a good reason for throwing this at your partner, but if they grew up with difficult parents, they might be dealing with some after-effects of those as well.
The reason why this is one of the hurtful things to say to someone (your partner especially) is that it may remind them of how challenging growing up with parents like theirs was and bring back bad memories.
If said in the heat of anger (when tempers are flying during an argument), ‘I hate you’ can communicate an undertone of animosity and bitterness toward your partner.
Depending on the personality type of your partner and on how critical they are, this statement can also be misconstrued to imply that you regret being with them and the time you have spent together has been an epic waste.
Even after tempers calm, your partner may have doubts about the relationship in their mind, and this may be the start of trust issues in the relationship.
9. You never…
The tendency to say this comes up when there’s an attribute you would want your partner to exhibit that they aren’t yet exhibiting (as you would want).
The reason why this is one of the things your partner should never say to you is that it is a generalized statement that may discredit the times you did that thing for them.
Saying this to your partner, more often than not, can easily become an invitation to a fight as they would want to remind you of all the times they did what you’re accusing them of not doing.
10. What have you ever done for me?
This is another hurtful blanket statement you shouldn’t use on your partner. This is because when you say this to your partner, you are insinuating that they are evil people who have no good intentions for you.
This is one of the hurtful things to say to your partner because it trivializes all the sacrifices and efforts they may have made toward keeping you comfortable and making the relationship work.
A better way to get their attention when you need to is by clearly and politely outlining what you would expect them to do in a given situation. You should do this when you aren’t annoyed or irritated at them.
11. I wish you (or we) could be like…
What makes this one of the things your partner should never say to you is that it is a blatant expression of unhealthy competition and can drive your partner to a point where they feel threatened and as though they aren’t enough for you.
This, over time, breaks their trust in you and can cause them to begin withdrawing from the relationship, emotionally and physically.
12. You are my biggest mistake
The tendency to say this to your partner creeps in when doubts about the relationship begin to grow in your mind. This could be the result of fights or other circumstances that come up as time passes.
However, telling your partner that they’re your biggest mistake is one of the things you should never say to your partner. This is because the statement is hurtful and can make your partner begin wondering if you ever truly lived them in the first place.
Even when you get annoyed at your partner, some words are best left in your head. If this thought ever crosses your mind, treat it as such; the things you should never say to your partner and the things your partner should never say to you.
13. It’s your fault that…
This is one statement you shouldn’t fling at your partner in the heat of an argument. When you tell your partner that something is their fault, you shift the blame for an outcome to them and seek to absolve yourself of it.
Even if they played a major role in causing the negative outcome you are reacting to. You should seek a diplomatic way to convey your thoughts to them.
14. You are selfish!
Let’s face it. Sooner or later, something in the relationship is bound to go haywire. However, the fact that things aren’t going according to your plan doesn’t mean that your partner is a selfish person who doesn’t care about your wellbeing.
“You are selfish” is one of those things your partner should never say to you (and which you must never say to them as well).
Saying this in the relationship is a betrayal of trust and somehow connotes that you do not appreciate all the sacrifices they may have made for the relationship.
How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things
When tempers flare, and things tend to go south, you may end up saying things you never really meant to your partner. After calming down, you must take pertinent steps to correct your mistakes and fix the relationship.
Follow these steps to fix your relationship after saying hurtful things.
Suggested video: If you compare your relationship to someone else’s, watch this.
1. Acknowledge the fact that you have made a mistake.
When your temper has died down, you must admit that you have made a mistake. If you don’t admit that you made a mistake by saying something hurtful to your partner, you’ll never see the need to correct your mistakes.
2. Admit your faults… to them
More than just telling yourself that you messed up, it is vital that you admit your fault to your partner as well.
While doing this, don’t try to explain away your actions or make excuses for yourself. Admit, straight up, that those were some hurtful things to say to them.
“I am sorry.” These 3 words can work a miracle in your partner’s heart in ways you never imagined. Apologize to them and be honest while you are at it.
4. Accept that your relationship may have permanently changed.
If you said any of these things to your partner, the mental scars from your words might remain with them forever.
One thing you should do now is admit to yourself that the relationship may have permanently changed. You may notice them pulling away from you or trying to put up walls. Don’t pressurize them or try to go back to the way things were.
Words are powerful. They play a major part in communication and social interaction. As powerful as they are, there are some hurtful things your partner should never say to you because of the impact they have on your mental health and the relationship.
This article has thrown light on 14 of these hurtful things you should never say to your partner (and that they should never say to you).
Pay attention to all 14 and if you find yourself slipping on some of them, retrace your steps immediately and do all you can to fix the relationship as soon as possible.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.