How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated: 21+ Healthy Tips

Imagine seeing someone every day—a friend, coworker, or classmate—and feeling a deep emotional connection that they may not even notice. You picture what it could be like to be together, but reality holds a different story. 

Moving on from unreciprocated feelings can be as heart-wrenching as ending a real relationship. The challenge lies in grieving something that never truly existed. 

Understanding how to get over someone you never dated requires patience, self-compassion, and practical strategies. Whether it’s an unspoken crush or unfulfilled potential, this experience often leaves you questioning your worth. 

In this article, we’ll explore why these situations are so difficult, how long healing may take, and share some healthy tips to help you move forward.

Why would you need to get over someone you’ve never dated?

Having strong feelings for someone you never dated can leave you stuck in a confusing emotional limbo. While the connection may feel real, the lack of mutuality or circumstances can make it impossible to pursue. Letting go becomes necessary to protect your mental well-being, avoid unhealthy attachments, and open yourself to new opportunities. 

If you’re wondering how to get over someone you never dated, here are some common reasons to move on:

• Unreciprocated feelings: They don’t feel the same way, leaving the relationship one-sided.
• They’re unavailable: They may already be in a relationship, making it unethical to pursue them.
• Unrealistic expectations: The connection is built on fantasy rather than reality, which can’t sustain a relationship.
• Circumstantial barriers: Distance, timing, or life goals prevent the relationship from progressing.
• Emotional toll: Obsessing over what could be can disrupt your happiness and mental health.

5 reasons it can be difficult to get over someone you never dated

Before learning how to get over someone you have never dated, it is important to understand why such a situation is difficult for individuals to handle. 

Here are some reasons that make these one-sided feelings difficult to get over:

1. No concrete answer

Learning how to get over someone you never dated can be harder as many unanswered questions still plague your mind.

According to Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, LCSW:

When you have a romantic interest in someone but never date them, there are a lot of unknowns, which can make it difficult for your brain to move on from the person.

Since you never got to experience a relationship with the person, you’re left to wonder what it would have been like had you two had a chance together.

You might still find yourself wondering about the “what ifs” and whether you truly understood what the other person felt for you. Your heart might question things repeatedly to look for avenues for any hope.

2. Residual hope

When you break up with a partner, you usually understand the problems within your dynamic with your partner and how you may not have been compatible. But when you haven’t dated the one you like, you might find yourself still hoping for a future together. 

You may still wonder whether the chapter is truly closed, which will prolong your uncertainty and pain of longing. 

3. Possible isolation

When you have not dated someone, you might keep your feelings for them to yourself. You might not share it with others. 

Dealing with these one-sided feelings all by yourself can make things more painful and confusing.

4. Self-doubt

Unrequited love can make you doubt yourself immensely because, in the absence of answers, your instinct might be to doubt yourself and your appeal. 

You might question your looks, personality and appeal, as you might see the lack of success as a failure on your part. 

5. No closure

Unrequited love might leave you in a position where you keep mulling over possibilities for a long time, as you get no real closure. Since you are not in an official relationship with this person, closure is proper closure for the possibilities that this person might represent for you. 

How long does it take to get over someone you never dated?

The duration of recovery from any negative situation depends on the degree of exposure. The amount of attachment and feelings you hold will determine how long it takes for you to get over them. 

It’s easy for people who have never experienced this unrequited love to pretend it isn’t real or as valid as conventional heartbreak. But that doesn’t make your feelings less valid.

It isn’t as if you’re dreaming about a girl or guy you’ve never met. It’s possible to have feelings for someone you know or are close to, even if you never dated them.

Telling yourself that it isn’t a real issue for you will make it harder to move on in the long run.

Instead of being in denial, you need to know that there are solutions to deal with this situation effectively.

21+ tips for moving on from someone you never dated

There are many steps you can take to move on from this kind of situation. Figuring out how to get over someone you never dated is perhaps more difficult than recovery from traditional heartbreak. But it’s possible.

Thinking of the what-ifs, what could happen, what might have been, etc., can turn into a never-ending loop. But thankfully, there are ways you can stop the loop and escape the confusion.

So we’ve developed a helpful list of tips for getting over someone you never dated. It’s time to move on, and this advice will help get you to the other side and have you ready to bounce back.

1. First, make sure they’re not interested

Maybe this person has rejected your feelings, or their friends have done it for them. If you know, you know, and you can ignore this step.

But if they’ve never established how they feel about you, it’s time to find out.

It’s easy to convince yourself that someone isn’t interested because you think they’re giving off negative cues and body language. Especially if you suffer from low self-esteem or anxiety, you’re going to tell yourself that’s the case even if it’s not, or without confirming it for certain.

It’s hard, but you need to ask. This way, you can get real closure around your feelings and shut the door on them completely.

If you keep the possibility of their feelings open in your mind, it will always seem like a good reason to hold on and keep that door open.

As sad as it may be, one of the best ways to get over someone you never dated is by accepting the fact that they don’t feel the same.

And of course, there’s always the chance that maybe they do. But you won’t know if you don’t ask!

2. Stop checking their social media

If you’ve observed, “I can’t get over them, “ you need to stop constantly checking in on them through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. 

Keeping tabs on their whereabouts and activity through social media may help you feel closer to them, but in the long run, it only keeps you tied to the person and your feelings, ultimately making it harder to move on.

If you are close with this person, and they know your feelings for them and don’t reciprocate, consider limiting their ability to contact you.

You can do this by temporarily deactivating your profiles, archiving their messages so you don’t see them and feel tempted to respond, or blocking them temporarily as a last resort (you can always unblock them later).

3. Keep your distance

Checking out of social media isn’t enough. When you’re in love with someone you aren’t dating, it’s tempting to find an excuse to see them or be around them.

Often that means showing up to parties or social events you know they’ll be attending or even going out of your way to initiate social encounters.

It isn’t the easiest way to get over someone you never dated, but keeping yourself around the person will only prolong your feelings and stop you from letting go of them.

Distance is essential when breaking up with someone you never dated. 

If they’re a friend of yours, you don’t have to cut them off completely but try not to be in their company regularly for a few weeks, or even better, months. Avoid taking those actions you know will put you in proximity to them. It’s all part of moving on.

Dr. Jenni Schulz highlights that:

Physical proximity tends to make feelings grow stronger, so some distance is likely necessary.

4. Stop reading into things

Wondering how to get over a guy or girl you never dated?

Stop taking every possible signal, or a bunch of mixed messages, as a sign they want you back. Things like shared eye contact for more than a second or brief and accidental physical contact!

When you love someone and don’t make it clear how they feel about you, it’s easy to find any excuse to believe that they might.

You need to stop finding every tiny excuse to believe that they share your feelings. 

It’s important if you want to get over a girl or guy you never dated.

5. Embrace your feelings

When you’re getting over someone you’ve never dated, it’s easy to feel guilty and embarrassed or to trivialize your feelings.

Hell, the people around you will probably do the same. It can be difficult to understand and empathize if they’ve never experienced it themselves.

But none of that matters. If you’re feeling down in the dumps, dismissing your feelings or belittling yourself for them is only going to make you feel worse.

And it’s very likely to stop you from moving on. Not only that, but it’s actively bad for your health to bottle up emotions.

It’s imperative for your physical and mental health that you embrace how you’re feeling.

Processing your emotions is key to moving on from the experience that caused them in the healthiest way possible. As the old saying goes, ‘the only way out is through.’

6. Acknowledge that it isn’t worth it

This is a particularly difficult step because it also means acknowledging that you’ve spent so much time and emotional energy on something that was a waste.

Yes, you can learn a lot from this kind of heartbreak. It isn’t all wasted. But after a while, continuing to dwell over someone you are unlikely to ever end up with is just self-torture.

At some point, you need to realize that it isn’t worth focusing on something that isn’t going to happen.

7. Be honest with yourself 

Face up to the truth of this situation in whatever way you need to to get over someone you love but never dated.

Identify the things you are in denial about and are using to keep this person in your life or convince yourself that you still have a chance with them.

Getting over love is impossible if you’re constantly telling yourself lies and half-truths about your situation.

8. Accept that it isn’t bad timing 

If it were bad timing, there would be a clear cause, and you would find your way around it, whether because they can’t commit, are emotionally unavailable, or just aren’t interested. 

It doesn’t matter why. Stop blaming time.

9. They don’t feel the same

If you wish to get over someone you never dated, this is the big one.

If you tried step one and you’re still reading this article, it’s because you know they don’t want you in the same way.

10. Many people feel like this

Whether it’s falling in love with someone unattainable or still pining for your ex, many people are going through the same thing you are.

Research Highlight= Studies amongst high school and college students have shown that unrequited love is four times as common as reciprocated love!

Many have felt this way, and many will experience it in the future. How many of those people feel this way forever? Exactly. 

11. Look at the past objectively

We often romanticize our memories, particularly about that special person. Amid heartbreak, go over these memories with a harsh and honest eye.

Review your interactions with that person and ask yourself – was there ever a spark? Or any signs that they liked you back?

Are they even as wonderful as you remember? Or wonderful enough to feel this much pain over? The answer is likely ‘No,’ on all counts.

12. Figure out why it wouldn’t work

If being with that person was going to work, it probably would have already. This isn’t always true, but think about it – people know when someone is right for them, especially someone they’ve spent a lot of time around.

If this person doesn’t want to be with you, it’s probably because they know something that you don’t – i.e., that you’re just not that compatible.

And if you look closely into why that might be, you’ll no doubt find reasons why a relationship with them wouldn’t work.

Maybe you’re too clingy, and they’re too emotionally distant. Maybe they love going out, and you just want to stay home. That last one was a joke, but you get the idea. 

Once you pinpoint these kinds of things, you’ll slowly start to feel more positive about the position you’re in.

13. Keep yourself distracted

Distractions are a helpful tip for virtually every kind of heartbreak one can experience. There are many ways you can distract yourself from your feelings until they eventually (or hopefully) fade into the background.

Here are a few good ways of keeping yourself distracted:

• Focus on your hobbies and interests, or find new ones
• Spend more time with your friends and family
• Do things that make you smile and laugh.
• Work on yourself: exercising more, organizing your room, or focusing more on work.

Relationship counseling shows that consistent distractions aren’t going to heal your heart completely, but it can help by making the process easier.

14. Be open to other people

Jumping into bed with other people without a second thought may not be the best idea (though some people do this), but you shouldn’t rule out pursuing others entirely.

The truth is that when you are pining for someone who doesn’t return your affection, you will use most of your emotional energy thinking about and feeling for that person.

Not moving on means you block yourself from others because you’re so consumed with this other person. But exploring other people can distract you from your feelings and, over time, help you heal and forget.

So, how to get over a girl or guy you never dated?

Consider going on dates, using dating apps, or just putting yourself in situations where you are more likely to meet interesting people. But make sure that you use dating apps safely.

The worst-case scenario is that you don’t meet anyone you’re interested in, and you’re back to square one, which is OK.

But the best-case scenario is you meet someone you like and enjoy spending time with. As new feelings blossom, old ones should fade.

15. Remember that you’ve got options

It’s hard to think about when you’re deep in it, but rejection and heartbreak are natural.

Not everyone will want you, but someone out there definitely will.

It’s all cliche to hear when you’re love-stricken, but it’s SO true – there are billions of people on this earth and endless opportunities to meet someone who wants to be with you.

Don’t spend too much time mourning something that never was when there are much better opportunities out there.

16. Focus on self-compassion

Rejection, even in non-relationships, can feel personal and painful. Treat yourself with kindness during this time. Avoid negative self-talk or blaming yourself for things you can’t control. Instead, practice affirmations or journaling to remind yourself of your value and worth. 

Self-compassion can help you heal faster. 

Learning how to move on from someone you never dated often starts with being gentle with yourself and acknowledging your feelings.

17. Challenge unrealistic fantasies

When you’re infatuated with someone you never dated, it’s easy to build a fantasy version of them in your mind. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their reality. Were they truly perfect, or was it your perception? 

Replacing idealized thoughts with realistic views can reduce the emotional weight they hold in your mind. If you’ve wondered, “Why can’t I get over someone I never dated?” this exercise can provide clarity and lessen your emotional struggle.

18. Avoid mutual friends for a while

If you share a social circle, interacting with mutual friends can be triggering, as their name or stories about them might come up frequently. 

Politely step back from these groups temporarily or change the topic when the person is mentioned. This temporary break can help you regain emotional balance. It’s a step forward in figuring out how to get over a relationship that never happened and protecting your mental health.

19. Reevaluate what you truly want in a partner

Take this time to reflect on what qualities you genuinely want in a partner. Consider what didn’t work in this one-sided connection and what you’d like to prioritize in a healthy, mutual relationship. This exercise can help you shift your focus from the past to future possibilities. 

Ask yourself if it is possible to be in love with someone you never dated or whether your feelings were tied more to unfulfilled desires than mutual compatibility.

20. Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques

When your mind is caught in endless loops of “what-ifs,” grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment. Try deep breathing, meditation, or even sensory-based activities like holding something cold or listening to calming music. 

Staying present reduces emotional overwhelm and builds mental resilience. Techniques like this are vital when grappling with emotions surrounding whether your first love can be someone you never dated.

21. Seek closure on your own terms

Sometimes, closure doesn’t come from the other person. Write a letter to them (which you won’t send) expressing your thoughts, emotions, and goodbyes. This symbolic act can provide emotional release and a sense of finality, helping you move forward. 

It’s one of the most empowering steps in learning how to move on from someone you never dated, as it shifts control back into your hands.

22. Prioritize self-improvement

Use this period as an opportunity to focus on personal growth. Learn a new skill, pick up a hobby, or set a fitness goal. Channeling your energy into self-improvement can help you regain confidence, keep you distracted, and prepare you for healthier relationships in the future. 

Addressing the lingering question, “How to get over a relationship that never happened,” becomes easier when you make personal growth a priority.

To learn more about some important self-improvement principles, watch this video:

23. Know that healing isn’t linear

Understand that moving on takes time and doesn’t follow a straight path. Some days will feel easier than others. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge progress, even if it’s slow. Over time, the intensity of your emotions will lessen, and you’ll feel ready to embrace new opportunities. 

It’s crucial to remember that your journey to healing is valid, regardless of whether it is possible to be in love with someone you never dated or not.

Some final thoughts

Struggling to move on? Understanding how to get over someone you never dated starts with taking proactive steps to heal and rediscover yourself. While unreciprocated feelings can be painful, they also offer an opportunity to grow stronger and gain clarity about your emotional needs. 

Whether you’re journaling, seeking support, or focusing on self-improvement, remember that letting go is a process, not a race. Learn how to get over someone you were never with by embracing closure, challenging idealized fantasies, and creating space for new experiences. 

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means accepting reality and choosing to prioritize your well-being. Take each day as it comes, and celebrate small victories along the way. 

The journey to moving on is about finding peace, confidence, and eventually, a love that’s mutual and fulfilling. Start today—you deserve it.