Top 10 Things That Couples Argue About the Most

When people see lovey-dovey pictures of couples on the internet, they may wish to have a relationship that looks as beautiful as theirs.

However, many people are unaware that beneath good-looking pictures, couples may experience tough conflicts. This does not exclude that these conflicts can be handled appropriately when the right steps are taken.

In this article, you will learn the common reasons why couple arguments happen and the ideal way to handle them.

10 reasons why couples argue

Every relationship or marriage is likely to experience conflict because of the peculiarities of both partners. Some reasons why spouses might argue are sometimes general issues that many couples experience.

Here are some of the reasons for couple arguments

1. Communication

When communication is not up to par, it can cause conflict in the relationship. Some partners may complain that their better half does not invest enough time in communicating with them. The lack of constant communication can be one of the reasons why you would find a couple arguing.

Related Reading: 10 Effective Communication Skills in Relationships for Healthy Marriages

2. Intimacy

Another reason why relationship arguments may occur is when intimacy is not a regular feature in a relationship. One of the partners might not be dedicating enough time to be intimate with their partner, which could affect the one on the receiving end. Spending more intimate time with your partner can be one of the solutions to reducing arguments in the relationship.

3. Time

Quality time is an essential ingredient in every relationship, and when it is missing, couples are likely to argue about it. Therefore, partners need to figure out how to fight off every factor that might prevent them from spending time with each other.

4. Jealousy

If jealousy exists in a relationship, it can cause arguments between couples. For example, some partners may be jealous of each other’s progress in different aspects of their lives. This jealousy can even cause rivalry at some point, which may lead to constant arguing with each other.

5. The Past

One of the reasons that might cause couple arguments is when they keep bringing up issues in the past. Sometimes, it might be a sign that one party has not healed from the incident that occurred then. However, it is best to let things stay in the past and focus on the present and future.

Related Reading: Should You Tell Your Partner Everything About Your Past or Not?

6. Responsibilities

Responsibilities or chores in a relationship are one of the reasons why couples argue. If there are no clear-cut rules on how couples in the relationship handle these responsibilities, it can cause frequent arguments.

7. Control

Some partners might want to exert control or dominance over the other person because they probably want them to do their bidding. However, in a healthy relationship, control doesn’t exist. Rather, both parties work together as a team to move the union in the right direction.

8. Future plans

When it comes to laying out plans for the future, it might be exhausting and can cause friction in the relationship when both parties have different opinions or perspectives. Therefore, avoiding arguments when making plans can be done when discussions are done respectfully and healthily.

9. Cleanliness

If one of the partners in a relationship is not clean, the other party might not be comfortable with their habit. Hence, they might only be able to stop arguing about it when the defaulting party decides to improve their behavior.

Related Reading: 7 Reasons Why You Should Be Helping Your Wife Clean the House

10. Poor listening skills

When one partner lacks good listening skills, it can cause couple arguments. This might be because one party does not pick out the details when conversing with their partner. When people hear instead of listening, they might need help to pick up the nuances of each discussion.

To learn more about couples arguments and common marital problems, check out this insightful study by Amy J Rauer and other authors. This study is titled: What are the Marital Problems of Happy Couples. You will learn more about these problems in this Multimethod, Two-sample investigation. 

10 things that couples argue about

It is quite usual for couples to argue about different things in their relationships. Often, it is because they hold opposing views, and each party wants to be listened to. Here are the common things arguing couples may quarrel about.

1. Sex

In relationships or marriages, sex is one of the common features that both parties may argue about. This might be because one partner is not getting enough satisfaction as they should while the other partner may not have the capacity to meet their partner’s expectations. To avoid arguing about sex regularly, couples may need to discuss and find a balance.

2. Money

Money is one of the causes of couples’ arguments in relationships. Usually, this happens when there is no structure in the relationship on how finances should be handled. 

For example, one of the partners in the relationship might feel overwhelmed because of the expenses, and they might revolt, which could lead to an argument.

According to Christiana Njoku, LPC:

To avoid arguments in the area of finance, couples should be financially independent and committed to the relationship. Resentment can set in if the financial responsibility is handled by a partner.

3. Family

Some partners might not have a smooth relationship with their in-laws, which might cause couple arguments. To avoid such, it is essential to create healthy boundaries that promote a good rapport between couples and their in-laws.

4. Parenting styles

For people who have children, they might experience couple arguments when it comes to different parenting styles. The couple needs to create a balanced plan that should be consistently practiced to make parenting more rewarding.

5. Talking to ex-partners

For questions like why do couples argue, one of the reasons might be when one of them is still communicating actively with their ex-partner. This act can breed mistrust and jealousy in the relationship, and it might make the other partner start doubting their place in the union.

6. Sharing private information with third parties

The act of giving private or sensitive information to people outside the relationship can also be the cause of couple arguments. It is important to mention that not all information should be privy to third parties. Such information should be kept within the confines of the relationship.

Related Reading: How Much Privacy in a Relationship Is Acceptable?

7. Religion

Sometimes, couple arguments might occur due to differences in the choice of religion. However, it may be difficult for them to achieve a balance when it comes to this, so it is best to create a system that promotes respect for each other’s religion.

8. Being possessive

Another reason why couple arguments may happen is when one partner is being too possessive. One of the partners might always want to be around their spouse without giving them space for personal time. 

In such cases, it is advisable to strike a balance by realizing that everyone craves their space even though they are in a romantic relationship.

Watch this video to learn the signs that you’re in a possessive relationship: 

9. Choice of friends

Sometimes when couples argue, it might be because of their choice of friends. For example, one party might not be comfortable with their partner’s circle of friends due to reasons best known to them.

Related Reading: 12 Reasons Why You Need to Build Friendship Before Relationship

10. Support system

Having a support system is one of the things that many people crave. However, if partners cannot rely on each other to support the relationship, it can turn loveable partners into an arguing couple.

How to handle relationship arguments

When couple arguments are not handled the right way, it can cause resentment in the long run. All relationships experience conflicts, but knowing how to handle them appropriately might determine if the relationship is heading in the right direction. 

One of the effective ways to handle two people arguing in a relationship is to establish boundaries. Both parties should be treated respectfully, and arguments should be devoid of name-calling. It is also important to learn to compromise when neither party is willing to shift their ground. Sometimes, compromising allows both parties to find a middle ground where each person will feel content with the result.

Christiana Njoku highlights that:

There’s no relationship without conflict, and to resolve this conflict, couples should be willing to accept responsibility for their actions and not argue to win.

To learn more about handling relationship arguments, this book titled The Couples’ Manual by Don Ferguson is for you. This book contains a Do-It-Yourself Guide to building, repairing, and maintaining Exceptional Relationships.

You can also refer to this article for detailed advice on how to handle relationship arguments.

FAQ

Let’s look at some of the most asked questions about the reasons why couples argue commonly. 

Is it better to ignore or argue?

If possible, avoiding arguments or not ignoring your partner might be best. One of the most suitable things to do is to have conversations that are not heated. When having such discussions, each party should be allowed to air their minds respectably.

Takeaway

With the points mentioned in this piece, you may have realized that many relationships experience couple arguments. However, these arguments can be nipped in the bud when both parties are intentional about making the relationship work. 

To learn more about how to handle married people arguing, you can go for couples counseling or take a course on conflict resolution.

Stopping arguments in a relationship might be challenging, but Sharon Rivkin has a solution for couples in this situation in her book titled Breaking the Argument Cycle. This book contains quintessential tips to stop arguments and resolve conflicts. 

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Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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