10 Ways on How to Enjoy Sex in Your Marriage
Many married couples are surprised when they learn that hot sex is not something that comes naturally when a couple is married.
After all, films and television series show us a constant stream of sexual images, where the husband and wife fall into bed, instantly begin top-notch lovemaking, satisfying each other at the exact same moment (in five minutes, tops), and then cuddle and whisper soft words of love long into the night.
The reality is different
Good sexual intimacy is not innate, and we need to let go of the idea that “everyone else is doing it better than we are.” Instant compatibility and closeness are unrealistic; these take time to build between two people.
Here is an interesting video about sex life after marriage:
How to enjoy sex as a married couple?
Physical intimacy is absolutely essential for some couples, while for others, it might not take precedence over other things in the relationship. Even as some couples have a very satisfying sex life pre-marriage, things can take a different turn post-marriage.
Many couples experience trouble in their sex life after marriage. Family life, needs and wants of members of the family, work, and other things take the front seat, and couples can also forget to enjoy sex.
Some of the ways to enjoy sex in your marriage life include:
- Keep it separate from the mundane
- Mix it up
- Allow sexual tension to build
- Do not think of sex as a chore
- Be vulnerable and intimate emotionally during sex
5 characteristics of a healthy sexual relationship
A healthy sexual relationship is defined as protected from sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancies. It also means that the sex is consensual, free of coercion, sexual assault, rape, discrimination, violence, and pain.
Other characteristics of a healthy sexual relationship also include being able to communicate your sexual needs to your partner, working through problems, being more vulnerable with each other, trusting each other, and, most importantly, enjoying the sex that you have with your partner.
To know more, read this article on the characteristics of a healthy sexual relationship.
How to enjoy sex in your marriage: 10 ways
What are some ways that we can make married sex more enjoyable?
1. Start with working on your emotional intimacy
Here’s a life truth: great sex is composed of two elements: emotional AND sexual closeness. If there is only one of those present, the sex is not going to take you to paradise, nor even be that memorable.
What do we mean by emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the feeling of truly knowing your spouse: all his fears, vulnerabilities, passions, fierceness, past hurts, and present joys.
It is the feeling that your spouse is your safe shelter when life throws you a curve ball or two. It is the feeling that when you are with your partner, you are “home.”
How can we deepen our emotional connection to our spouse so that the sex is better?
There are many ways to increase the emotional bond you have with your partner. Start with talking to each other in a meaningful way at least once a day.
This means a good, heartfelt conversation with no distractions: no phone, no pc, no television or tablet in one hand while you half-heartedly listen to your husband while glancing at the screen. That is not an ideal way to connect with him and does nothing to promote emotional intimacy.
In addition to truly dialoguing with your husband, emotional intimacy can be reinforced by spending time together doing something that both of you are excited to learn. This can be a new sport, an adult education class, or something restorative like a couple’s massage or yoga.
Challenging your mind and body in an activity that involves both of you will naturally build up your stock of emotional intimacy.
Related Reading: 15 Effective Tips for Repairing Emotional Intimacy
2. Work on your sexual intimacy
So your emotional closeness is growing each day. Let’s take that and start focusing on getting more joy out of your sex life. When you are more intimate emotionally, it is likely to reflect in your sexual intimacy as well.
Talk to each other about your feelings and emotions. Also, talk about things you enjoy during sex, and it is likely to make you enjoy it more.
To understand more about the role of sex in intimate relationships, read this research.
3. Feel confident and at ease in your body
Embrace your body, where it is right now, and recognize how it carries you faithfully each day. Remind yourself that your husband loves your body and finds it exciting.
So should you! If you are still working on self-love, and have a small bit of shame when you look in the mirror and see that you are carrying some extra weight, or don’t like your thighs or stomach, don’t worry!
Many women know the secret to both exciting their husbands, and covering up what is preventing them from feeling free in bed: lingerie. If you are concerned about your tummy, put on a nice camisole.
You will feel pretty; your husband will think you are hotter than ever. All of this will allow you to express yourself and your desires freely in the bedroom, increasing your sexual satisfaction.
4. Don’t know how to begin? Visit a sex therapist
If you have questions about the what’s and why’s of sexual bliss, start with a sex therapist. Don’t wait until you and your husband build up a level of frustration due to ignorance about orgasms or erogenous zones.
A few sessions with a sex therapist can be extremely informative and open you up to exploring all your sensuality with no shame or hesitation.
If you can’t find a sex therapist, there are plenty of books and websites that can be helpful. Take your time reading through all the offerings and note what sounds attractive to you. Share this with your husband and ask him what sounds good to him, too.
Be open to formerly taboo ideas, such as sex toys and masturbation. Self-pleasuring is a great way to learn what you like, and at what rhythm and intensity. You can even involve your husband in this act. (He will love it, trust us!).
Sex toys can also be of great aid in helping you enjoy sex as they can provide a level of stimulation that you may not have experienced previously, helping you reach orgasm more easily.
Remember: there is no shame in this, and all practices that are consensual and pleasure-giving are good practices!
Related Reading: How to Find the Best Sex Therapist
5. For great sex, don’t carry anger into the bedroom
It is difficult, if not impossible, to really enjoy sex with your husband if you are harboring anger or resentment towards him. Those two emotions can be a death knell to your sex life. So if there are issues you are holding in, have a frank discussion with your husband.
Work on resolving those issues so that you and he can fully participate in lovemaking without any hidden resentment.
Enjoyable lovemaking involves a certain amount of letting go, and you want to be able to do so completely and willingly. If you go to bed secretly mad because he forgot to take the recycling to the curb again, address that in a gentle way so that you can then concentrate on more enjoyable things like sex!
6. Change the way you initiate sex
Often, boredom and cliche enter the bedroom as well when you have been married to each other for too long. This can mean that the way you initiate sex has been the same since the beginning. For instance, it could be when both of you are comfortable in bed, after a long day at work.
However, bringing some excitement into this can change things and help you enjoy sex as a married couple. Role-play, initiating it when the both of you are at a party, or planning a date night to be more intimate are some of the ways you can enjoy sex as a married couple.
7. Indulge in other forms of physical intimacy
Sex advice for married couples includes adding more layers to physical intimacy.
Intimacy is emotional and physical. While being honest, vulnerable, and true to each other consists of emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is more than just sexual. It is holding hands, hugging, kissing each other, and just touching each other in affectionate ways.
Studies show that people are likely to enjoy sex more when there are other forms of physical intimacy involved in the relationship.
8. Quality time is key
Another important factor when it comes to sexual intimacy and enjoying sex in marriage is quality time.
How to make sex better in your marriage?
Married couples are unable to find time for each other between work, family, kids, and other commitments. When you spend quality time with your partner, sexual intimacy is likely to be better.
Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Quality Time Is So Important in a Relationship
9. Indulge in other types of sex
When you think of sex, you think of penetrative sex. However, if you wish to enjoy sex as a married couple, indulging in other forms such as oral sex can help.
How to keep sex interesting?
If you are in a long-distance marriage or one of you travels too often for work, then you can also try cyber sex to keep things fresh and creative in the sexual department of your marriage.
Related Reading: 15 Tips For Couples to Make Sex More Romantic and Intimate
10. Make sex a priority
How to enjoy intimacy in marriage? Make it a priority.
This may be one of the most important things to remember when it comes to enjoying sex in your marriage. You have to make sex a priority. Make time for your relationship and marriage, and sexual intimacy will follow. This will help you enjoy sex in your marriage as a married couple.
How to keep intimacy alive in your marriage
Intimacy makes up a very important component in any marriage or relationship.
Here are some tips on how to keep intimacy alive in your marriage.
1. Prioritize alone/quality time
One of the biggest drawbacks of being married is that responsibilities and other commitments often end up taking the front seat, and your relationship is put on the back burner.
One of the most important tips when it comes to keeping intimacy alive in your marriage is to prioritize time with your partner. Whether it is through weekly date nights, or following certain rituals, make sure the both of you get enough time to spend together, talk, and enjoy yourselves.
2. Keep the noise away
Whether it is noise from people – what they say, their opinion of your partner, or your relationship, or it is literal noise from gadgets such as the television, tablets, laptops, or phones – keep both away.
In the busy lives we lead, you are less likely to find time with your partner. Letting the noise take over in that case is one of the worst things you can do to your relationship and emotional intimacy.
3. Be there for them
It is extremely important, even more than you realize, to show up for your partner when they really need you, have relied on you for something, or are counting on you.
Being unavailable when they could use your help can really make them feel let down. When you are there for them in a crisis or when they need you, you take a giant leap in emotional intimacy.
4. Be mundane together
Another tip for growing emotional intimacy is doing everyday things together. Whether it is cooking food, doing the dishes, watching a movie, eating pizza, or reading a book.
There is a sort of intimacy in doing very regular things with your partner and is likely to boost your emotional intimacy.
5. Have adventures together
Adventures together can really help you bond. They also help in getting to know one another, even after years of being together. Taking an impromptu vacation with your partner, or doing anything new can help build emotional intimacy in your marriage.
More questions on how to enjoy sex in marriage
Here are some frequently asked questions about enjoying sex in your marriage.
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How often should married people have sex?
No expert can really give you a number when it comes to how often married people should have sex. However, it is important that you ensure that as a married couple, your sex life is good. Most married people give priority to quality over quantity. Having sex a few times a month is considered a healthy amount.
At the same time, you should not feel the pressure to have sex as a married couple. Irrespective of the frequency, the sex should be consensual, healthy in all ways, and enjoyable by both.
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How often is sex good in marriage?
Reports suggest that a weekly frequency of sex is good enough to keep a marriage healthy and happy.
However, there is no magic formula for the frequency of good sex in a marriage. Good sex in marriage is often more about quality, than quantity.
The takeaway
Sexual intimacy is an important part of a marriage or romantic relationship. However, as life gets busy, responsibilities mount, and commitments increase, it can be difficult to keep up with so many things.
This is when the sexual component of a relationship is unable to keep up with the hustle and ends up being ignored.
However, a sexless marriage can also turn into an unhappy marriage due to various reasons. It is important to understand the importance of sex in a marriage and also indulge in it not as a responsibility, but as something you both enjoy. If you find yourself struggling with it, you can consider marriage counseling.
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