20 Sex Mistakes Men Make in Bed and How to Avoid Them

A happy relationship is the one who has it all: support, love, understanding and also great sex.

Although this is still a taboo, sex mistakes men make in bed can cost us the relationship or even marriage. This is why it’s important to understand your partner’s needs as much as possible. 

Mistakes men make can make their partner frustrated and miserable, and it’s imperative to learn how to perform well in bed if they want to keep their lady happy.

20 sex mistakes men make and how to avoid them

It’s okay if you are making a few mistakes in bed but if you are willing to correct them to make your partner feel fulfilled, there’s nothing better than that. Here are 20 mistakes men make in bed and how to avoid them.

1. They rush things

Rushing things is one of the mistakes men make in relationships, not only rushing things in bed, but also in emotional aspects as well. 

When it comes to intimacy, men usually don’t need a lot of time to warm up, while women need much more time to “get in the mood”. Sex doesn’t start in the bed, it starts long time before you even get into the bedroom (or any other room). 

LCSW & sex therapist Danica Mitchell says,

This is in part due to the fact that women more commonly have responsive desire, meaning women often just aren’t aroused spontaneously. But with some effort their desire kicks in, it just make take a little more time.

How to solve it:

It can start with a hug in the morning, or kiss in the afternoon, but give her time to feel secure and comfortable.

2. Let’s get physical

Yes, but not too soon. One of the common sex mistakes men make in bed is they think foreplay is only physical act, while forgetting about mental stimulation. 

How to solve it:

Many women like to fantasize during the intercourse so keep her imagination running wild, whisper gently into her ear and get her excited before the excitement.

Danica Mitchell comments,

Good sex requires the two F’s – Friction and Fantasy. You need to have an exciting and pleasurable touch and be in a sexy headspace.

3. What worked once, may not work the next time

Some of the mistakes men make with women is that they expect that tactics that worked the last time work every time. 

Women have a menstrual cycle and their hormone levels are different depending on where they are in the cycle, so maybe her erogenous zone last time was her breast, but next time it might be her neck.

How to solve it:

Don’t play by the book and try something new every once in a while. Avoid sticking to what worked the last time and take time to explore. 

4. Intercourse is not the only way to her orgasm

Sex mistakes men make in bed are almost always related to them not thinking about her enough. When men think about how to perform well in bed, they always think about their intercourse performance, but this is not the only way you get her to experience bliss.

How to solve it:

Women, unlike men, take longer time to orgasm because they need longer time to arouse and get their physical and mental state of excitement on the same level. So be patient and work on improving it holistically.

5. You let the fire die

Seduction should be part of our everyday life, not only a pre-relationship thing. 

How to be better in bed for guys usually means focusing on the “performance”, while it’s quite the opposite. 

How to solve it:

Focus on everything BUT the performance – play the seduction game throughout the day. This will get her on the edge and she’ll be impatient to get to bed then. 

Visual, mental or oral seduction is an imperative to a steaming sex life.

6. You “know” her well

Sex mistakes men make in bed can cost them a lot, and thinking you know well what you lady wants or needs is a very common one (and applies outside the bedroom too). 

How to solve it:

Guys, don’t be shy or ashamed, or too proud to ask your lady what she wants in bed. This is not a sign you’re not good enough, or that you’re weak. 

It’s a sign you’re confident and you want her to enjoy it as much as possible, she will appreciate it VERY much.

7. Focus on the “end”

Yes, we all love the climax, but being intimate is not all about orgasming. 

It’s about intimacy, it’s about enjoying the journey to the end, and if the end doesn’t happen sometimes, well, it’s not the end of the world! 

How to solve it:

Take it slow. Understand what’s working for both of you. If you’re both enjoying the process, don’t put her under pressure (or yourself) to climax. 

8. You’re too quiet

Many women LOVE to hear your enjoyment during the intercourse. Sometimes sex mistakes men make in bed are due to men not feeling comfortable and confident enough to be wild when they feel like it. 

How to solve it:

There is something animalistic in all of us that spikes the testosterone, estrogen and adrenalin in our blood when we have loud sex. So, be expressive without any fear.

9. Too touchy

Too many fingers can ruin the show for her. Save the enthusiasm for the star of “D” show and use foreplay to get her aroused, but be gentle and don’t rush it. 

How to solve it:

Not all ladies enjoy this kind of a foreplay. So, play around to figure out what her preferences are. There is time for roughness and for intensity, but not during the foreplay.

10. Slow down to speed up

Many women enjoy hard sex, but not all the time. It also takes time to build the excitement to the moment where they are almost climaxing, for them to enjoy the hard core sex. 

When they are very close to orgasm, they are more resistant to pain and this is the reason they want harder and faster sex. 

How to solve it:

Sow sex can be almost if not even more intense than the fast paced and hard core sex. So, switch the pace after understanding what’s working best for her.

Related Reading: How to Have Sex

11. Understand her complexity

Most of sex mistakes men make in bed are related to lack of knowing women’s physiology and women body. Clitoris is an extremely sensitive part of her body. It has nerves that go through her vagina and vulva too and

How to solve it:

Clitoris mostly requires just gentle rubbing to get her to the most intense climax.

12. Focus on the whole tree, not the apple

We know men can’t stop thinking about eating the apple, but think about the whole tree. This is such a great way to get her to relax and to ease into the intercourse that she will enjoy much more than if you only went “straight for it”.

How to solve it:

Instead of focusing only on her vagina or clitoris, kiss her neck, massage her buttocks or inner thighs. 

13. Stop going by the book

Too many guys are thinking about magazines when they are having sexual intercourse. “G spot”, where to find it, is she enjoying now, am I squeezing her too tight, what if she thinks I’m too small or not good enough. Stop it. 

Sex mistakes men make in bed can make both man and the woman lose themselves in their thoughts. 

How to solve it:

You have to be present in the moment to fully enjoy the sex. So, focus on her body language and her sighs.

14. Manscape

Manscaping (term used for men shaving their bits) is as important to women as it is shaving legs to men. 

How to solve it:

If it turns your woman on, there’s no shame in shaving it without any hesitation.

15. You turn her off by turning her down

Women have fantasies and they want you to be as open to experimenting with them, as you want them to be open to experimenting with you and your fantasies. 

No matter what sex mistakes men make in bed, you not being ready to do something with her for her is one of the worst ones.

How to solve it:

Be open to new ideas. Don’t be rigid in your approach when it comes to what you both want.

16. Same old, same old

“Let’s do missionary for the rest of our lives, I love it so much!” said no one ever. Playing it safe is not going to take you a long way.

How to solve it:

Spice it up, change positions even during the intercourse! You might discover new sex positions that give you even more pleasure than the ones you always go for.

17. You can’t tell the difference between fake and real orgasm

Well, this is a red flag. Before you google how to perform better in bed for guys, try googling how to understand your partner better because if you can’t recognise if your lady is really enjoying or if she is faking the experience it means that 

1. Either she is a very good actress or 
2. you need to work on your communication. 

Either way, it is a recipe for disaster.

How to solve it:

Talk openly with her without so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable if she is faking it one time or the other. You must also understand the differences between a real and fake orgasm.

A real orgasm usually involves faster pulses and breathing. Also, you will notice her body tensing up with little movement, similar to that of guys when they release. 

In the video below, Caitlin V discusses signs that tell if a woman is faking an orgasm. Check them out:

18. You cross the finish line before she even starts the race

Sex mistakes men make in bed can really frustrate women A LOT, and one of the most annoying ones is that you finish before we are even ready to start. 

How to solve it:

Start the foreplay early and focus on her and get her aroused before you start the intercourse.

19. Monkey see, monkey do

Watching pornography can negatively influence our sex life  because men try to do what they see in porn movies. In porn, women orgasm during penetration, while the reality is that 80% of women need clitoris stimulation to climax. Some men can go all domino and forget that their lady should enjoy the sex too.

Danica Mitchell adds,

it’s important to remember that porn is acting. There are breaks, and positions are planned out and framed for all the lights and cameras. it’s not what real sex looks like, and you don’t have to replicate it.

How to solve it:

Pay attention to the clitoris stimulation. Intercourse is not the be-all and end-all of a satisfying intimate session.

20. Stay and enjoy the after-sex cuddle

There is this stereotype that most men fall asleep after sleep. Whether this is or is not true, you most certainly don’t want to jump out of bed straight after sex. 

How to solve it:

Relax and soak in the pleasure, cuddle and enjoy each other even after the intercourse.

Recipe for succsex

Now that you know most common sex mistakes men make in bed and how to avoid them, think about your next time with your significant other and make it the best one ever.

Best sex advice for guys is to listen to their partner’s needs and pay attention to their wants and body language. This is a proven recipe for succsex.