For some people, sexual fantasies may seem like a taboo topic, whereas others may be more open to discussing them. Some of us may be ashamed of our sexual fantasies, but the reality is that they are quite common.
There is no harm in thinking about something that arouses you, and in some instances, your fantasies may be mere thoughts that you keep to yourself. On the other hand, sometimes you may discuss fantasy with your partner or even talk about acting one out together.
So long as your partner is willing to participate in your wild sexual ideas, there is no harm in acting out a naughty fantasy or two. Maybe you’re curious about common sexual fantasies so that you can get an idea of what’s normal, or get a sexual fantasies example to try in your own life.
At the very least, learning about the most common sexual fantasies can provide you with some confidence that your erotic fantasies are not so strange after all.
Sexual fantasies can come in a variety of forms. According to researchers writing for The Psychology of Love and Hate in Intimate Relationships, a sexual fantasy can be described as an image that a person holds in their mind and finds arousing.
There is evidence that both men and women experience these fantasies. While they were historically viewed negatively, the current belief is that sexual fantasies are positive and indicate a high degree of sexual desire.
There is also evidence that both men and women and single folks and those who are partnered experience at least some degree of sexual fantasy.
Sexual fantasies are simply thoughts or images of sex that a person finds erotic, and they suggest that a person is comfortable with their sexuality. Sexual fantasies for couples can even provide ideas for new things to try in the bedroom to keep things interesting.
Based upon what is known about sexual fantasies, we may have them simply because we are human. With research suggesting that most men and women experience fantasies, imaginative sex maybe just part of who we are.
In some cases, there can be an underlying reason behind our specific sexual fantasies.
For instance, some fantasies may be linked to a desire to give up control or to “let loose,” whereas others might represent a need to break free from the constraints that society places on us through typical gender roles.
Sexual fantasies also occur because they allow us to imagine things that excite us, without having to play them out in real life and face the consequences that come with them.
Take, for example, the fact that some people may fantasize about having sex in public. While it may be arousing to imagine such a scenario, the reality is that acting out this sexual fantasy could result in serious consequences, like an arrest.
Having a sexual fantasy allows us to feel the excitement associated with certain scenarios without actually living them out.
Sexual fantasies can also fulfill some of our psychological needs. For instance, we may fantasize about certain sexual acts to cope with stress or anxiety or temporarily escape from the demands of life.
Sometimes, we’re simply curious or want to feel aroused, so we let our minds drift to thoughts of a naughty fantasy.
If you’re looking for some sex fantasy suggestions, consider the top sexual fantasies below:
1. Being dominated
According to research, one of the top female sexual fantasies is being dominated. This includes any general sexual scenario in which the female plays a more submissive role and can even include instances of being forced to have sex.
2. Having a threesome
This is often listed among the top sexual fantasies for men, but many women report fantasizing about having sex with multiple partners in this fashion.
3. Engaging in public sex
It may be taboo, but the thrill of potentially being caught can make the idea of having sex in a public play, such as a park, seem rather alluring. Since this is illegal, it is best to keep a fantasy.
4. Sex with many people
This can come in the form of going to a swinger’s club and having sex with several people throughout the night or watching your partner being “gang banged.”
Believe it or not, exhibitionism is also among the most common sexual fantasies. Whether it’s having sex in a car with others watching or performing for others at a party, the idea of having an audience can make things much more exciting.
It may seem cliche, but one of the most romantic sexual ideas, which makes up many women’s fantasies, is having sex in a particular location, like a beach. The top female sexual fantasies may tend to involve these more romantic images.
7. Some form of pain
Whether it’s been whipped, spanked, or bitten, it’s not unusual for a naughty fantasy to involve some sort of physical pain. This type of imaginative sex can be arousing for both parties.
The person inflicting the pain may be excited by the thought of having control, whereas the receiving party gives up physical control and maybe even more sensitive to the pleasure that follows.
8. Watching others
Secretly watching others having sex may seem off-limits, but this fantasy is rather common, which is why it’s made its way to the list of the most common sexual fantasies.
9. Fantasizing about former partners
This one may be associated with a degree of guilt, but many people report having sexual fantasies about a former partner.
10. Having a same-sex encounter
Even among those who identify as straight or heterosexual, it is not unusual to have erotic fantasies about someone of the same sex.
For example, a woman may fantasize about hooking up with another female while her male partner watches or she may desire to simply have a one-time sexual interaction with another woman.
11. Having sex with an acquaintance
Even if you’re partnered, it’s rather common to have thoughts of having sex with someone you know, such as a coworker or friend. In some cases, you may even have wild sexual ideas surrounding someone you don’t particularly like!
We’ve all heard people talk about casual hookups, and we may have even experienced one or two ourselves, so it’s no surprise that sex with a stranger is on the list of the top sexual fantasies.
Falling under the BDSM category, bondage is frequently named as one of the top sexual fantasies. It is entirely normal to have thoughts of, or even enjoy acting out, the experience of being handcuffed or perhaps strapped to the bed during sex.
Sometimes sexual fantasies seem like they aren’t fantasies at all. In fact, according to a study published in Business Insider, one of the top female sexual fantasies is oral sex, which includes both taking part in oral sex and performing it on a male. It may be easy to act this one out!
15. Watching two women have sex
According to Business Insider, watching two women have sex is among the top sexual fantasies for men. However, always remember, consent is the most important part of any sexual interaction.
16. Ejaculating on a partner
Also, among men’s top sexual fantasies is being permitted to ejaculate on a partner. A lot of people have this sexual fantasy. If you are one of them, speak to your partner about it and see how comfortable they are with it.
17. Sex with someone famous
Among the wild sexual ideas people have is the desire to have sex with someone famous, such as a movie star or musician. While this may not be a fantasy that ever comes to fruition, it can still be fun to imagine it!
18. Interracial sex
We know that diversity is essential, and that includes in the bedroom! The Business Insider study found that 27.5% of women and 61.2% of men fantasize interracial sex.
19. Sex with someone of a different age
Sexual fantasies can sometimes involve someone of a different age group. It is not uncommon for both men and women to have thoughts of having sex with someone much older or much younger than they are.
20. Being photographed or filmed
For those with exhibitionist fantasies, the idea of being photographed or filmed can be arousing. The thought of putting on a show and having an audience can be rather thrilling.
21. Being masturbated by a partner
Much like oral sex fantasies, this one is relatively simple but also common. It turns out that being masturbated by a partner is a naughty fantasy that most people experience.
22. Anal sex
It turns out that both men and women fantasize about anal sex, but men are more likely to have acted out the fantasy. If it’s something you’re comfortable with, this may be one of the sexual fantasies for couples that you can try to add some excitement to the bedroom.
23. Sex with a prostitute or stripper
This one’s for the men: In the Business Insider study, over one-third of men indicated that they had fantasized about having sex with a prostitute or stripper. Since this one’s illegal, it’s best to keep it as just a fantasy.
24. Watching others undress
Maybe it’s the hot coworker you can’t help but be attracted to, or just some random stranger you’ve seen several times at the gym. Whomever it is, it’s not unusual to fantasize about watching someone undress.
25. Homoerotic fantasies
It turns out that it’s relatively common for both men and women to get off on the thought of watching two men have sex. In the Business Insider study, 16.2% of men and 19.3% of women indicated sexual fantasies surrounding two men.
Top sexual fantasies of married women
While there are some common fantasies that both men and women share, some wild sexual ideas may be unique to married women. Marriage certainly has its benefits, and married sex can be fantastic, but sometimes, the routine of marriage can lead women to seek novelty.
Sexual fantasies for married women are often linked to their desire for novelty. Some of the most common include infidelity, sex with a stranger, having sex with a former partner, or hooking up with multiple men.
If you’re a married woman with these fantasies, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with your marriage or that you’d ever act on them. Sometimes, it’s just fun to imagine, even if only for a moment.
To know more about women’s sexual fantasies, watch this video.
Everyone has sexual fantasies, whether we intend to act on them or not. No matter how strange your fantasies seem, the reality is that they are probably rather normal, and they don’t mean that anything is wrong with your or your relationship.
Of course, if you have sexual fantasies that are interfering with your relationship, or you are acting on fantasies that could get you in trouble — such as watching others without their permission–it may be time to seek help.
In many instances, though, sexual fantasies simply indicate your desire to explore and let loose. It may be best to keep some fantasies to yourself, but other fantasies may be appropriate to discuss with your partner.
Even if you don’t intend to act on your fantasies, talking about your erotic thoughts can help you to connect with your partner and enhance your sex life.
In some cases, you may even choose to act on certain fantasies, so long as you have communicated with your partner, discussed each of your feelings, and determined that you are both comfortable with acting out the fantasy.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.