Who Should Say ‘I Love You’ First in a Relationship?

When it comes to saying I love you, many people use this statement as a yardstick to determine how well their relationship is progressing. Also, people have different opinions on who should say I love you first, probably because of past experiences.

Even though it is true to an extent, saying I love you first is a big relationship milestone. 

After saying I love you for the first time, we naturally expect our partners to reciprocate, but sometimes they don’t. When he says I love you first, it is important for you not to feel pressured because it is not a competition. You need to be sure of your feelings before saying yours.

Who will most likely say I love you first?

From time past till now, one of the common arguments in a relationship is who says I love you first. Many people believe it is the woman that says it because they are more emotional. 

However, a study listed in the June edition of the Journal of Personality and Social psychology had a different opinion.

The study was conducted where 205 heterosexual men and women were interviewed. According to Josh Ackerman, an MIT psychologist, the results showed that men were quicker to admit they were in love. 

And one of the reasons was because they were usually eager to have sex and not commitment at first. In comparison, if a woman says I love you first, she is after the commitment first instead of sex.

Related Reading: When to Say I Love You – 9 Signs It’s Time!

Should the guy always say it first? 

There is no definite rule that states either the guy or the lady should say I love you first. 

This is why people ask who should say I love you first. However, when he says I love you first, you must have seen the signs coming. 

Here are some signs that let you know he is close to confessing his feelings.

• When he is more romantic

When a guy is about to say I love you, he will be more romantic. 

The reason is, he considers that period as a big moment, and he needs to keep momentum. If you notice that he is acting more romantic, you should brace up to hear those words from him because they will come soon.

Related Reading: Men and Relationships – What Are Men Really like in Romance

• When he mentions other things he loves about you

If a guy keeps mentioning other things he loves about you, he is about to say I love you first. 

The reason he says it often is because he’s trying out how the word “Love” would sound in his mouth. If you are unguarded, you might be swept off your feet when he says I love you.

• He opens up about his views on love            

When a guy continually tells you his views on love, it is to see your reaction. 

He is testing the waters to know how you would react when he says I love you. When they see you have similar views to theirs, they might say the four-letter word sooner than you expect.

Related Reading: Gestures for Saying “I Love You” Without Uttering a Word

Can a Girl confess her love first?

Do you feel your favorite woman is a mystery to you? Are you sure she adores you but has refused to let you know? 

For some men, when a woman says I love you first, they consider it as being courageous. Hence, it is important to mention that there is nothing wrong with a woman saying I love you first. 

These signs below help you know if she is about to let you know how she feels.

• She avoids you because of her feelings

When it comes to girls saying I love you, it is a hard nut to crack, and this is why many of them would prefer to avoid the guy. 

If you notice she finds it hard to be herself when she is around you, and she gives excuses not to see you, then she is about to say I love you.

Also Try: Is She Into Me Quiz

• She is interested in your personal affairs

It is normal to have female friends who are interested in our affairs, but some of them are interested in having a relationship with you.

If you have that female friend who wants to be involved in everything you do, she is about to say she loves you.

• She wants to be involved in your future

When a woman wants to participate in your future plans, and she makes conscious efforts towards it, she is about to confess her feelings. 

When you notice this, don’t be taken unaware because you anticipated it.

Also Try: Should I Say I Love You Quiz

How long should I wait before saying I love you?

When it comes to the average time to say I love you, there is no rule stating the time duration for us to confess our feelings. The answer to common questions like how long should you wait to say I love you depends on the peculiarity of your relationship.

If you feel it is the right time to tell them you love them first, you should not hesitate. 

For guys, if she said I love you first, you should not take her feelings and courage for granted. If you have a hunch that she is into you, you can tell her you love her provided you are sure of your feelings.

Who should say ‘I love you’ first

Anyone can say I love you first because it depends on who is confident enough. 

If you like each other, anyone can go first, but they should be sure the other person feels the same way. It hurts if you love someone, and it is unrequited.

According to Christiana Njoku, LPC:

As long as you love each other and you are sure when you profess your love, it will be reciprocated; who says it first doesn’t matter.

Hence, the question of who says I love you first depends on who feels courageous to do so.

Related Reading: 200 Ways to Say “I Love You”

10 reasons you should say ‘I love you’ first

Some people find it difficult to translate their feelings into words. 

It is an emotional risk to say I love you first because you don’t know the expected response. It takes courage to confess your feelings first, and if you are wondering, should I say I love you first, here are some reasons why you should.

1. There is strength in confessing your feelings

Some people have the conventional idea that they are weaklings if they confess their feelings. 

However, this is untrue. When you are the first to tell your partner I love you, it is a show of strength and not weakness. More so, it shows you are confident of what you want.

2. It motivates your partner to be true to themselves

When you say I love you first, your partner is forced to find out their true feelings.

It is normal to be afraid of confronting your feelings, but when you hear your partner confess theirs, motivation steps in.

3. It is a genuine and kind act

Telling someone you love them is genuine and kind. 

In a world where hate abounds, people feel happy when someone tells them they are loved.

4. The relationship becomes stronger

If you are sure the love in your relationship is not one-sided, telling your partner you love them first is not a bad idea. When you affirm your feelings to your partner, it makes the relationship stronger as both of you will be more committed than before.

With time, your partner would affirm their feelings, which makes the relationship more solidified.

Related Reading: Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong, Healthy, and Happy

5. It is a liberating experience

If you love someone and you have not told them, it is a burdensome feeling, especially anytime you see them. 

However, when you tell them I love you first, a huge burden will be lifted off your shoulder. If you don’t say it, you will feel tense around them.

6. You become more physically intimate with your partner

When you say I love you first and your partner reciprocates, it takes your physical intimacy to a whole new level. 

You will enjoy hugging, kissing, and having sex with them more than before. It also allows you to explore your partner to a whole new level.

7. Your partner might say it back

If you want to hear I love you from your partner, it might be better for you to say it first. 

Your partner might be the shy type, and hearing it from you could give them the impetus to say it back.

8. To clear your partner’s confusion

Your partner might have some people interested in them, and to avoid losing them, it is best to tell them how you feel. 

Telling your partner, I love you helps them clear their confusion if they have many crushes.

9. It helps you focus on other facets of your life

You might be finding it challenging to focus on other aspects of your life because confessing your feelings is holding you back. 

Hence, to be free, tell your partner I love you without looking back.

10. Because you love your partner

You cannot hide your feelings from someone forever except they are dead or snatched by another person, and some people miss the opportunity of a lifetime.

Christiana Njoku highlights that:

As long as you love your partner and your feelings are genuine, be open about it.

If you are sure of your feelings, you don’t have to wait for a long time without letting your partner know how you feel.

Related Reading: How Often You Should Say “I Love You” to Your Partner

Conclusion

When it comes to saying I love you, many people see this as a complicated process. Hence, this article answers common questions like when is it okay to say I love you, and it helps you know if your partner feels the same way about you. 

No one likes to be disappointed, and this is why you should be sure you and your partner have something going before telling them I love you.   

Watch this video that explains the psychology behind saying I Love You, who says it first, and when it is said:

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