There are many reasons why people can be afraid of emotional intimacy. There have been reports that people have been married many years before their spouse found out about their identities or families. Later in hindsight, it was reflected on that the spouse seemed to have avoided deep emotional intimacy in the marriage or relationship. In this article, we will explore observed reasons men and women avoid emotional intimacy.
1. Dysfunctional family
Let’s face it, we are a product of our environment. If you come from an unloving home, there’s some expectation of emotional issues. Men and women both can be victims of dysfunctional families. They never saw models of healthy expressions of love. Therefore, they may avoid emotional intimacies on levels they are not comfortable with. Don’t try to do it alone. There’s years of abuse to uncover. Professional help is available.
Believe it or not many people were married when a policeman showed up looking for their spouse of twenty years. These men or women do not want to get close to anyone because they never know when they will have to catch the next flight out of town. They could also be bigamists – married to more than one person at the same time.
These type of men and women have done so much dirt that their guilty conscious does not allow them to relate well to others emotionally. They avoid emotional intimacy because they may trust someone and tell on themselves. They may tell their secrets so they keep a certain amount of distance with their spouses. These characters avoid deep emotional intimacies because their current spouse may be their next victim or meal ticket. Maybe not intentionally, but they never know when that default in character will show up. These men and women are not legal criminals but immoral criminals. They lie, backstab others and cause chains of reactions that are destructive to everyone they meet. They know this about themselves. They also avoid being identified by past friends or co-workers they no longer want to remember because they may have slept with their wives or husbands.
4. Mental problems
There are many mental health issues that could interfere with a man or woman creating emotional intimacy with their spouse. These developmental issues would have been discovered in childhood or by medical personnel due to a trauma experience such as a car accident. These issues would be treated by a professional.
These men and women are just not good at expressing themselves. They may have served long sentences in jail or mental hospital. They are integrating back into society. They may feel that they came from a certain social class and did not learn the skills needed to relate well with others. To hide these inadequacies they avoid deep emotional intimacies.
Believe it or not some men and women with demure personalities are just comfortable at having a certain amount of distance emotionally with others. Remember, connecting emotionally depends on the acceptance of both parties. Each relationship degree of emotional intimacy is decided upon by the bride and groom. That is a reason people for a match emotionally and physically.
Many men and women have had at least one bad relationship experience in the past. They may have been robbed, betrayed, or physically hurt as a result of trusting and connecting emotionally with another person.
This spouse may just be shy. They do connect emotionally but appear to not connect to their partners on a deep emotional intimate level. Their spouses need to learn to read the shy spouse’s body language and facial expressions to understand they are connecting and not rely on conversation. They may express themselves well but find it a little embarrassing to talk on deep emotional intimate levels.
9. Substance abuse
Mind altering substances will keep men and women from connecting with emotional intimacy in relationships. Their sensors, that let them feel emotionally, are blocked. Therefore, they miss those emotional intimacy moments to touch or flirt with their spouses. They may also think the relationship is good because they are high. The truth or reality of the situation could be the opposite of what they think
10. Trust issues
Many men and women have been victims of investment fraud schemes orchestrated by a friend or ex-spouse. These experiences create trust issues in connecting emotionally with a spouse on a high degree of emotionally intimate levels. They want to be able to terminate the relationship once it takes a turn. These men and women are often of the elite rich class. They never know if a person is with them for love or money. They often have prenuptial agreements in place and divorce often.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why men and women can be afraid of emotional intimacy: personalities, trust, low down character, substance abuse, rejection, inadequate social skills etc. Sometimes, there aren’t any reasons a person is not connecting emotionally with others, other than they just don’t want to. The feelings are gone.
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