A single male with emotional intimacy issues will have many excuses why he does not want to commit to marriage. However, a married man is accountable to another person. His issues do not go unnoticed because he has a wife who loves, adores, and observes him. His issues are her issues. A married man and a single man may have the same issues but if the married man does not work through his problems, those problems can affect his marriage: past relationship baggage, rejection, ambition, and low sex drive are the most common issues that affect men and emotional intimacy.
Everyone can look back at a past relationship and experience emotions as if they were yesterday, when in fact, the experience happen years ago. Unfortunately, the bad experiences will affect new relationships negatively if they do not go unchecked because they are unresolved issues.
How bad experiences affect new relationships
Timothy loves his wife, Angela. He’s glad he did not end up with his high school sweetheart that ran off with his best friend. It seemed as if it was yesterday, he was devastated when his best friend told him that they were now a couple and they did not mean to hurt him.
He had no clue they were dating. Was he the third wheel on dates he thought was his? Twenty years and a ten year marriage later, Timothy can’t control secretly following his wife, Angela, to make sure she is telling the truth about her whereabouts when she is not with him. Is she really going to work? Is she really meeting girlfriends for dinner? She looked really good this morning to just go to the grocery store, Is she trying to meet someone else? These are not positive thoughts.
Timothy knows their relationship could be a lot better if he could let himself trust her. She often tells him that she feels that he hasn’t completely given himself to her, after all these years. If he gets caught following Angela, he knows they will have a big fight. Many marriages have dissolved because of trust issues and jealousy. Timothy does not know why he allows the past to hurt him that way. He is thinking it won’t hurt to see a professional. Then he get on with his life before he ends up talking to the law.
Michael loves his wife, Cindy, but they are having bedroom issues simply because he feels inadequate in pleasing his wife. He feels rejected. One day, Cindy off handily made a comment about “size does not matter” because she loves him. Michael never knew Cindy had classified him as a “size does not matter type of guy”. Was she faking all this time? Lately, it’s hard for him to be emotionally intimate with her because he is always wondering if he’s measuring up. Michael can’t stomach the idea that he may not be enough for her so he makes excuses to avoid all intimacy. He felt vulnerable and was wondering when she would hurt him with her thoughts. He also felt now that a trust issue is at stake. Maybe he is making too much of it but it doesn’t feel like it.
Jimmy, is training for the World’s Heavy Weight Boxing Championship. He loves his wife, Sandra. He’s finding himself avoiding intimacy with her because sex drains his strength when in training. Sex is forbidden during training for six weeks. He knows she understands but is not happy with it. Once he wins, he knows it will be worth it. Jimmy realizes his ambition is making him avoid emotional intimacy with his wife. If he does not win, he’s going to get out of the game because his marriage means a lot. On the other hand, if he wins, then they will have to figure something out with a quickness.
Jack knows he needs to see a doctor about his low sex drive but can’t bring himself to do it. In the meantime, Vicky is threatening to get him some “help” a boyfriend. He makes appointments but cancels when it is time to go. He has never had a high sex drive but did not know it was a problem until he was married. Vicky is a beautiful women and deserves to be satisfied by her husband. Jack’s low sex drive makes him avoid emotional intimacy with his wife.
Altogether, issues from past relationships, especially trust and jealousy can affect emotional intimacy in a relationship or marriage. In addition, ambition and low sex drive are issues that contribute to men avoiding emotional intimacy with their spouses. Those issues are reasons why communication is key to resolving emotional intimacy problems in a marriage. Sometimes, a couple or spouse must go outside the marriage to a confidant, a professional.
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