Couples seeking counseling services often ask for help with their communication skills.
I redirect them to begin developing acceptance skills in relationships. What nurtures and sustains loving intimate relationships is learning to relate through acceptance instead of judgment.
The underlying fear that there is not enough ” _______” for me is what drives the judging, shaming, blaming and criticizing in order to try to change the self or the other so that there is more “_______” for me.
This approach chases love away instead of enhancing it.
Love and acceptance in a relationship enhance the longevity of a relationship and build a stronger relationship that can weather any storms. True love is accepting someone for who they are.
Self-acceptance and acceptance of your partner are what end the war and return you to relating from a place of composure. Composure and calm allow you to negotiate the changes that are needed with each other without feeling attacked.
This acceptance and nonjudgemental way of relating also makes it easier to not withhold or keep secrets from each other. Risking letting my authentic self handle what I normally give to my performer self, shifts me back to my vulnerable truth instead of my defensive being on guard.
The more we practice self-acceptance at very deep levels, the more resilient and safe we feel in relating from an authentic, truthful and vulnerable place.
Acceptance is the unconditional part of unconditional love
Acceptance will actually deliver what the judge or critic is trying to bring to the self and the relationship.
The first step is to start with yourself. As you practice embracing all your emotions and all your parts the duality of trying to kill off the bad parts of self and accentuate, the good parts of self stop splitting the self in two and you begin to utilize teamwork instead of being adversarial.
Teamwork is more effective than individual effort. Perceiving yourself as a team member allows for more cooperation and then a win-win scenario is possible.
How to learn acceptance skills in relationship?
Here are three solutions that can make your relationship truly beautiful and help in building a stronger relationship.
1. Come up with solutions together as a couple
2. Practicing letting go of the petty matters
3. Appreciate the beauty that everyday life offers
When I is replaced by We even illness becomes wellness. Malcom X
Looking for more tips on developing acceptance skills in relationship? Here’s how to accept your partner for who they are.
- You do not have to subscribe to the same belief system as your partner’s, and you are definitely entitled to follow your own value system. But you must acknowledge their opinions and learn to respectfully disagree.
- A relationship is an immersive experience and you should learn to embrace your partner’s flaws and imperfections as unconditionally as you accept their positive traits.
- Don’t impose your opinions on your partner to compel them into becoming who you would like them to be. Be a gentle guiding force, operate from a place of patience and kindness. Respect your differences.
- If their decisions confuse you or you find a lack of alignment between your goals with them, try to understand where they are coming from. You don’t have to kowtow or agree with them, place trust in their decision-making abilities.
- Be mature and don’t make the mistake of drawing unfair comparisons. The most painful thing you can ever do to your partner is comparing them with people around you or individuals you have met in the past. Accept and appreciate your partner’s individuality.
- Don’t reheat and serve the sins of your partner’s past to them, day after day, in breakfast, lunch or dinner. Forgive, let go and move on. Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating abusive or toxic behavior. But if you have chosen to forgive your significant other and they have changed for better, don’t let their past mistakes define their present.
- Treat your partner as your equal counterpart. Refrain from downgrading or belittling your partner and strive to create long-lasting relationship equality with your spouse.
- While it’s fun to do things together, accept that you both will have certain different interests that you would pursue individually. Respecting each individual’s desires and interests in a relationship is non-negotiable to relationship happiness.
Accepting someone for who they are in a relationship
Love is acceptance and loving someone fully and unconditionally for who they are.
On how to make a relationship stronger, radical acceptance in relationships can help foster respect, love, care, and growth in a relationship. The best way of developing acceptance skills in relationship is to be proud of your partner’s milestones achieved, big or small.
Recognize their wins publicly, acknowledge the hardships of their journey, and compliment them on their personality, smile, thoughtfulness, compassion, and several other things that make them special.
By not focusing on your partner’s flaws and learning to accept them for who they are in a relationship you will bring genuine happiness in their most insipid days, inspiring them to grow as a better person.
Accepting ourselves, practicing self-compassion and expressing gratitude to your partner for being there in your life both as who they are, and who they are not, will empower your relationship dynamics. Remember to approach your relationship as a true partnership of two equals.
I work with EMDR, NLP, meditation, breathwork and motivational interviewing to strengthen both individuals so that the relationship can completely transform. Learn to love yourself and instead of trying to change each other, accept your partner the way they are.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.