Emotional intelligence can be challenging to find in partners. In the beginning, everything might seem okay, particularly when you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. But once they withdraw, become emotionally unavailable, and then dump you, it can get confusing.
But do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back after a breakup? To talk about what could happen after a breakup, it’s essential to understand who emotionally unavailable people are and how this can play out in a relationship.
What does being emotionally unavailable mean?
Before answering the big question, do emotionally unavailable men or women come back, let’s address what it means to be emotionally unavailable.
Emotional availability is how much capacity an adult has to be emotionally involved in their relationships, whether it’s a parental relationship with their children or a romantic relationship with their partner.
When we say she’s an emotionally unavailable woman or man, we’re talking about how much he or she is capable of both providing and receiving emotional care, affection, support, and love. A lot of the time, people are emotionally unavailable in one or many of these actions.
Where does emotional unavailability stem from?
Many studies have drawn connections to a person’s emotional availability and attachment styles to their parents. Children who had a secure attachment style with their parents usually grew up to be emotionally available and healthy.
Kids who had an avoidant or an insecure attachment to their parents usually had emotional unavailability issues once they grew up. Because they’re not great at having deep connections with their loved ones, it’s no wonder that the heartbreak of dating an emotionally unavailable guy or girl is pretty common.
Based on this, can we answer, “do emotionally unavailable men or women come back?” If you’ve noticed that they have an avoidant attitude toward your relationship and try their hardest not to be vulnerable, then the chances of them coming back are not looking too good.
Can an emotionally unavailable person fall in love?
People often wonder, “can an emotionally unavailable man or woman change or even fall in love?” The answer is a resounding yes. Everybody needs love and affection.
While it may still be a little hazy to answer do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back, there’s no reason why love should be out of the equation.
Humans are considered social animals. When we spend a lot of time with another person, it’s only natural to develop deep affection or love for another person. This is one of the answers to the question, “why do dumpers come back?” There are lots of ways to learn how to overcome emotional unavailability.
So, how exactly do emotionally unavailable men or women fall in love? The reason it’s hard to spot emotionally unavailable men or women because at the beginning of a relationship, they act like any other date.
Emotionally unavailable people spoil you with attention, buy you gifts, and make you feel special. They don’t hold anything back in the bedroom either.
However, once things get serious, they realize that they’re starting to develop deep feelings for you. Other people start to lose interest. The first kind can be called “temporary emotional unavailability,” and the latter, “long-term emotional unavailability.”
Do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back after a breakup?
So, how often do dumpers come back? There’s a good chance they might not be invested if they are only in it for the short term. However, there’s a good chance that they are only temporarily emotional, in which case they might come back.
If you just broke up with your ex, you might be feeling very lonely and vulnerable. However, some emotionally unavailable people can be very manipulative in treating their partner. Because they’re not looking for any long-term relationship, they tend to treat their partners more as just fun objects.
If you’re not sure what emotional manipulation looks like, then here’s a short video that gives you a brief review of what to look out for:
Temporary emotional unavailability
You might say, “Insecure man or woman broke up with me out of the blue,” if they have temporary emotional unavailability.
Some men or women usually dump their partners because they get too scared of being emotionally intimate with their partners, so they break up with their partner, saying that “they are not ready for a relationship.”
Being temporarily emotionally unavailable means that they are only unavailable for a short period and that this is not a standard and stable personality trait. One of the reasons why people might be temporarily emotionally unavailable could be because of past trauma.
The trauma could be losing a loved one or a nasty breakup. Studies show that they feel like they cannot trust anyone due to this emotionally. In cases like this, surprisingly, an emotionally unavailable man or woman comes back because of no contact.
Some red flags to look out for is if they constantly shy away from doing anything meaningful with you. Another red flag to look out for is if they had many short-term casual flings before your relationship.
Men with long-term emotional unavailability are usually not open to any form of serious relationships. These are the type of people who are only looking for a casual relationship where the focus is on sex and having short-term fun and companionship.
If you’ve been dumped lately by someone who fits this description, and you’re wondering, “will my emotionally unavailable ex come back” hold your breath because they’re only looking for a quick, noncommittal relationship.
Does no contact work on an emotionally unavailable man or woman?
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
No contact means that at least a temporarily unavailable man or woman has the time to think about the relationship and what might stop them from connecting with you or being emotionally intimate.
During this time, they might take help from a therapist to become more emotionally available. This will help you in your path to learn how to get an emotionally unavailable man back.
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings.
During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family. This is why often no contact is the reason why dumpers do come back to the exes.
Emotionally unavailable people often ask to separate for a long time or push away their partners willingly. Giving them this time of no contact is very healthy and beneficial for the relationship.
Why does no contact work well on emotionally unavailable women or men? To learn how to make an emotionally unavailable man or woman miss you is to show them the love and support they get from you and what they miss out on when they are not with you.
An excellent way to help them appreciate what they have with you right now is to encourage them to think about their lives before meeting you. Were they happy on their own or did they have lots of emotional support once they got together with you?
If you genuinely believe that you and your ex can work something out, then contact them and convey that you still care about them after the breakup. Being reassured in this way can help them realize that they can be intimate with you and they will feel more secure in your relationship.
The answer to the question do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back is a lot more complicated than one might think. To put it briefly, people who are only temporarily emotionally unavailable do come back. Remember that alone time and space can do wonders as they can reflect on their own feelings.
Encouraging them to get help can also help them understand themselves and their behavior. Psychologists can help them develop healthy emotional habits, making it easy for them to be available again.
If you think getting back is the best option for both of you, try hard to help them see the potential too!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.