When you reach the point in your marriage where questions like ‘should I get a divorce?’ or ‘Is it the right time to get a marital separation?’, keeps hovering in your mind, then you need to dig deeper to find answers.
But, opting for a separation straightaway than attempting a reconciliation first leads to damaging consequences both for yourself and for those who are directly related to you. Divorce can be a curse, and the changing perspective of modern city life is responsible for it.
In modern societies, marital separation has become ubiquitous.
Paul Amato, a top divorce rate researcher, once observed that 42%-45% of marriages in the US ends in divorce. But, does it necessarily mean even you have to follow the crowd?
Common sense suggests that asking the right questions before getting hooked up can make a lot of difference. But, the other side of the coin usually remains unexamined.
Then again, it is never too late to mend your mistakes.
Contrary to what you feel, if divorce is still an option for you, then you need to ask yourself a few questions first before you call it quits.
Following are the ten most frequently asked questions that often crosses the minds of spouses who are taking the next step towards annulling their marriage vows.
1. Is Divorce the one and only option left with you?
Coming to a decision as difficult as divorce is not easy.
Couples mostly end their marriage when their problems, frustrations, misunderstandings, and unfulfilled expectations had reached the point-of-no-return.
Even then, some couples take a step back to reconsider the decision. You need to do the same thing as well.
As soon as the question, ‘should I get a divorce?’, hits your brain, ask yourself, ‘is divorce the last option left for you?’ You never know what your heart will reply.
2. Have you considered all the avenues before settling for a divorce?
It takes just a couple of seconds to sign off the divorce papers and terminate the bond. But, marital separation cannot be the only way to put a stop to your pain.
Divorce can always inflate your sufferings rather than easing your agony.
So, you need to reconsider your decision and visit all the possible avenues before settling down on divorce.
Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
3. Are you prepared to face the financial and emotional stresses?
There is so much that will change once both of you take different paths to walk through life.
Shouldering responsibilities and taking care of matters single-handedly is likely to take a toll on your emotions, especially when you had your partner tending to the duties on your behalf.
Things like paying bills, figuring out taxes for the first time, managing household chores, attending to your kids and keeping track of their activities – the list goes on. Do not forget the ocean of emotions flowing through your eyes when life seems too burdensome, and you do not have a shoulder to lean on.
Are you ready to face all that alone?
4. Will you be truly happier without your partner?
Have you considered living on your own? Do you imagine walking through your life in the complete absence of your partner? Does your partner’s absence terrifies you or numb your senses? Do you still get flashes of the best times in your relationship?
Once, you decided to stay away from your better half, you need to sit down and envision a life vacant of that one person.
You are bound to get your answer.
5. How will your divorce impact the lives of your little ones?
This question may not apply to all the couples out there. But, for those who are blessed with children, they need to think about how marital separation will affect their lives.
Kids prefer a home with both their parents living in it together.
Having two households and spending time separately with either of the parents is not fun for them. Research shows divorce is stressful for children and they are likely to display unpredictable behavior under different circumstances.
Next time when the question, ‘should I get a divorce?’ looms up in your brain, just look at your kids and then decide your next step.
The divorce statistics prevailing in the US can surprise you
Philip Cohen’s article, ‘The Coming Divorce Decline’ has proved that the divorce rate in the US has dropped by 18 % from 2008 to 2016.
The young Millenials caused the divorce rate to plummet.
If others are working towards addressing their marital issues in an attempt to avert situations like divorce, even you can do the same as well.
If your mind is in a tug of war between, ‘should I get a divorce?’ or ‘should I avoid a divorce?’, you can ask yourself the five questions mentioned above. Else, you can take up the matter with your spouse and family or friends or even consult a marriage counselor before stopping by a lawyer’s office.
You will be surprised by the outcome of such consultations.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.