Separation means that you and your spouse no longer live together but are still married legally. However, our society today perceives separation as something really bad, and it is seen as a point where break-up is unavoidable.
But that is not the case; most of the couples who opt for separation may use it as a mean to build back their lost relationship.
The main aim of any separation is to give your partner the space they want and decide on your actions that will help in saving your marriage. Saving your marriage is only possible if you have a healthy separation and to make it healthy, you must follow some rules. To know what these rules are, keep on reading!
Tips on having a healthy separation
Now mentioned below are steps on having a healthy separation; some of these steps may seem counterintuitive to you, but all these steps have specific advantages and will help you strategically. Also, keep in mind that stepping down from conflicts must be your ongoing priority.
1. Know your boundaries
When you no longer live with your significant other, things are bound to change such as your expectations will change along with an increase in your physical distance. To make it easier for you to accept this alteration, you must set some boundaries and abide by them.
Setting these rules will help in explaining to your spouse the amount of space you want.
Boundaries can be based on how much time you need alone when your partner can come to visit you, who will take care of the kids as well as the visitation time. This boundary is very helpful in terms of a healthy separation and assists in building back trust in your relationship.
2. Decide on the level of intimacy you want
The most important decision couples need to agree on is the intimacy level with each other. With separation, your intimacy can either get completely lost or get decreased, and this depends on the decision you and your spouse make.
You will have to decide whether you want to remain intimate or not; this includes deciding whether you and your spouse will have sex and also how much time you both will spend with one another.
Couples must agree on the amount of agreement they have with one another during this time of separation. However, most marriage counselors advice on avoiding sexual interactions and intercourse while separation as this can give birth to anger, confusion, and grief.
3. Plan your financial duties
Couples should also agree on what will happen to their cash, assets, and debts during this separation. Both parties must decide on having an equal share of responsibilities and resources and make sure that their children are well taken care of. Both spouses must agree on the number of financial obligations given to one another.
4. Communicate effectively
A civil communication is incredibly important during the time of separation. To have a healthy separation make sure that you treat your spouse like you would treat your business partner.
Try to be courteous, answer their emails, phones, and text messages and avoid badmouthing about them with your family members and friends.
Avoid talking about your spouse on social media and communicate important information like you used to do when you were living together. Do as you promise, show up on time and model desirable conduct.
5. Set a time frame for separation
A time frame for your separation must be agreed upon so that you can think thoroughly about your future without leaving your spouse hanging. It is important that you decide what you want to do with your marriage as early as you can. The longer the separation continues, the more easily couples start settling into their new lives and then it can get hard for them to adjust to their married life.
Separation is no doubt an overwhelming decision and with it comes high-intensity mixed emotions such as denial, relief, guilt, and fear. Although some people lose control over their anger and give in to the temptation, it is important that you take a deep breath and instead remain patient. This decision will not only be good for you but will also be good for your family.
Give both yourself and your partner some time to understand what they want and handle your emotions in a constructive and respectable way; avoid causing any harm to your significant other and try to remain as civil as you can during this hard time.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.