Even though choosing to date and marry a person who is highly compatible with you is a crucial factor for the success of your marriage, your marital happiness depends less on marrying the right person and more on doing the right things with that person.
The success of the marriage doesn’t just depend on the decision whom to marry, but also on what you do to cherish that union and one another.
If your current marital situation isn’t satisfying, but you still feel the desire to stay with your partner, then the shift from “are they the right person?” to “what can we do to make things right?” can be a solid start for overcoming the feeling of misery that you are currently experiencing.
Luckily, it doesn’t always take both partners actively working on “marriage recovery” in order for the couple to become happier since, for some issues, even individual effort can make a great difference.
To make things right in a struggling marriage, the best starting point is “the inner work” with yourself.
Taking care of yourself by following self-care tips will help you find an answer to the question, what to do when you are not happy in your marriage.
This is best achieved through proper self-care and the intention of cultivating self-love and acceptance.
So, embrace the self-care strategies that are meant to strengthen your resolve and help you thrive.
Once you are able to live a happier and fuller life as an individual within a marriage, your unhappy partner will directly benefit from your well-being, and your relationship will begin to improve.
Here is what you can do to make things better when not happy in marriage.
1. Be more gentle with yourself
With our partners, we work in a so-called “response pattern,” this means that the way we communicate and approach them influences the way they respond to us.
How we communicate with others has a lot to do with our “inner self-talk.”
The harsher and more judgmental we are towards ourselves, the more likely it is that we will “stimulate” an aggressive or passive response from our spouse. How we treat ourselves often creates a road map others follow.
We must cultivate kindness and gentleness when talking to ourselves. By doing so, we will directly create more space for love and acceptance in our marriage. That’s also how to practice self-care when you are unhappily married.
2. Take time to reflect
A simple self-care practice that you can try already is to take a moment (also a pen and some paper) and note down some important aspects of your marriage.
You can ask yourself questions and highlight what is currently working in your marriage, what are you doing that isn’t working in your marriage, and what can you do differently to flip the loveless marriage into a healthy one?
Make sure to add the things you feel you are doing well. Surely there are some since your partner is choosing to be with you.
When writing down the answers, make sure that you are open, vulnerable, and honest.
Don’t rush during this reflection and avoid using your phone, social media, or engaging in other types of distractions.
3. Give yourself some “you” time
It is easy to slip into the habit of trying to please your partner, and by doing so, neglect yourself and your own needs.
Even though marriage is about giving to our loved ones, it mustn’t be only that, and that‘s why trying out self-care ideas is crucial to escape a miserable marriage.
Your needs are important, and you are important, so dedicating some time and even some money, in order to give yourself a chance to become healthy and satisfied is an essential part of turning your unhappy marriage into a happy one.
If yes, then you are not the only couple damaged by the so-called money madness. The difficulty with money and marriage is that “the matter isn’t that simple.”
Often couples that lack financial compatibility are stuck in a bad marriage.
Money can’t substitute value, love, safety, security, care, but it can be an integral part of satisfying those needs. Therefore, money can cause a lot of havoc in relationships if not managed properly.
By mending your beliefs about money and adopting the abundance mentality, you can create a big change in your marriage and make a conscious endeavor of not staying in an unhappy marriage.
5. Revive the neglected romance
Love is not just a feeling. It is also something you do to get the feeling itself.
Also watch this expert video on how to fall in love again with your spouse:
Self-sacrifice, generosity, the ability to forgive, care, and commitment are all needed for you to succeed in returning the romantic moments in your unhappy marriage and improving the overall satisfaction with it.
When you are unhappy in your marriage, it is not uncommon to go looking up for unhappy marriage advice or how to survive in an unhappy marriage.
By taking care of yourself starting today, you will be on your path on how to be happy in an unhappy marriage, since when you are happy, the marriage eventually will turn into a happy one. By working on yourself, you are advancing your marriage.
While prioritizing self-care can turn a good marriage into a great one, it also has the potential to repair a bad marriage and start anew.
No one is saying that it will be simple and easy to explore self-care ideas or adopt self-care practices. Still, if you succeed, it will help you reconnect with your spouse and improve overall marriage satisfaction and find your true self. It will totally be worth it.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.