Nothing is more exciting than thinking of spending the rest of your life with “the one”. I know for sure that every one of us holds an ideal scenario of what the future will be together with the person we love. But let me tell you this. Married life is not always going to be easy. That is why some pre-marriage advice is much more valuable than any wedding present listed on the gift registry. Here are some popular advice married people usually give to those who are just about to enter the union.
Be financially prepared
Being financially stable is very important in starting a family. Marriage is expensive especially when you’re just starting out. The wedding alone will take its toll on your bank account. You need to know where you’re getting your next meal from. Establishing an abundant checking account is a must. You have to secure your mortgage or rent payment ahead of time. You also have to settle your debts or make the proper loan arrangements before going into marriage. Most importantly, you have to have sufficient savings for unforeseen expenses and emergency situations. This sounds a little too much but let’s face it. the way you handle finances can make or break your marriage. Money may not be a big issue while you were dating, but part of a harmonious marriage is sharing the bills and being capable of paying your part of the dues.
Talk about your expectations for children
Being in agreement about whether or not you should have children is very crucial in couples who are planning to get married soon. Ask yourselves and let your partner know, “Do I want to have kids or none?” While procreation may not be the main reason why you are marrying, it is still important to address this question to avoid any kind of argument on this matter. Do you want to have many children or just one? Do you want to have it soon or in three years time? Do you want to bear your own or adopt? You have to be transparent about where your mind is at when talking about kids. It is not wise to avoid this conversation when you get the slightest hint that the both of you are not on the same page.
Be patient with your partner
“Be patient” is an advice that seems too cliched or commonsensical. However, being reminded to be patient with your partner is something you should not take for granted. Marriage is hard. It will test you and your relationship. Your partner may the best person you know but at some point in the marriage, he or she will disappoint you. Sounds rough but it’s true. You just have to remember that nobody is perfect. You have to be very patient and understanding whenever you start feeling like he or she is starting to get in your nerves.
Learn about his/her family background
Your partner’s family background will tell you a lot about who he or she is as a person. In most cases, a person’s behavior roots from his or her childhood experiences or the way he or she was raised. Even without actual intervention from future in-laws, Mommy and Daddy issues can still affect your relationship with each other. Aside from this, you should also be aware of how close they are as a family. Is your future husband a “mama’s boy”? Is your future wife an only child who is primarily responsible for taking care of her sick parents? Remember, when you are marrying your partner, you are also marrying his or her family.
Let each other do their own thing
Each of you has their own interests that the other does not enjoy. This should not be the reason for you to fight. Instead, it is where you learn to compromise. First of all, do not force your partner to be part of all your activities. Learn to do your own thing and let your partner do his. If your future wife likes to spend some quality time with her girlfriends occasionally, you don’t always have to be there on their girls’ night out. If your future husband wants to watch pay per view boxing on a sports bar, you do not have to grudgingly come with him. In short, you do not have to be together all the time. You are your own individual with different likes and dislikes and you should respect that.
Secrets ruin relationships. One tiny lie can break your partner’s trust in you and trust is very difficult to mend once broken. Your partner is supposed to be your confidante, the person you tell your secrets to and not the person you keep your secrets from. Failing to be honest is not only an issue about infidelity. For example, men tend to hide their problems away from their partner. Being dishonest is not only lying per se. It also includes all the information you hide from your partner. So the next time you lie or keep a secret, remember that honesty is the foundation of the relationship. If you want a strong one, be your most honest self.
Getting married is easy. Maintaining the marriage is the hard part. In reality, living with the person you love can be a real challenge. What happens is very far from your ideal scenario mainly because this is the real world and not fairytale story. So listen to pre-marriage advice from people who know how marriage really is like. It’s not always going to be okay between the both of you. But it sure is going to be worth it.