How Does Complex PTSD Affect Relationships: 13 Painful Ways

While you might be familiar with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it’s often misunderstood cousin, complex PTSD (CPTSD), paints a much more intricate picture of trauma’s lasting impact. While both share overlapping symptoms like flashbacks and hypervigilance, CPTSD delves deeper, leaving wounds on the very fabric of our identities and relationships.

Imagine navigating a minefield of triggers, where everyday interactions can erupt into emotional storms. This is why learning about how does Complex PTSD affect relationships becomes important. 

Trust feels like a fragile butterfly, easily startled and hard to recapture. Intimacy can be a battleground and healthy boundaries often blur into desperate attempts to shield ourselves from further pain. This is the reality for many living with CPTSD, a condition born from prolonged or repeated trauma, often during early childhood.

This article isn’t just about understanding the invisible scars of CPTSD; it’s about navigating the tangled web it weaves in our relationships. We’ll explore ten ways CPTSD acts like a silent puppet master, pulling strings within our connections and offering insights into recognizing its influence and fostering healthier dynamics. 

Whether you’re struggling with CPTSD yourself, supporting a loved one, or simply want to cultivate deeper understanding, this journey holds both wisdom and hope. So, take a deep breath, step into the light, and let’s explore the path toward healing and connection, even in the shadow of complex trauma.

What is complex PTSD?

Complex PTSD, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a psychological condition that can develop after experiencing long-term, repeated trauma, usually during childhood or in captivity situations. It is characterized by a variety of symptoms, including difficulties with emotional regulation, dissociation, impaired self-perception, relationship problems, and pervasive feelings of shame and guilt. 

Complex PTSD is often associated with situations such as childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, prolonged captivity, or being held hostage. 

It is important to note that Complex PTSD is not officially recognized as a separate diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) but is recognized and studied by many mental health professionals. 

If you believe you may be experiencing symptoms of Complex PTSD, it is recommended to seek professional help from a qualified mental health practitioner.

What is the difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) are related conditions, but they have some key differences. 

Both are mental health disorders that can result from exposure to traumatic events, but C-PTSD is considered a more severe and complex form of PTSD. Here are the main differences between the two:

1. Nature of the trauma

• PTSD: Typically associated with a single, discrete traumatic event, such as a car accident, assault, or natural disaster.
• C-PTSD: Results from prolonged and repetitive trauma, often involving an interpersonal component, such as long-term abuse or captivity. C-PTSD is more likely to be associated with chronic and interpersonal trauma over an extended period.

2. Symptoms

• PTSD: Common symptoms include intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance of triggers, hyperarousal (e.g., heightened startle response), and negative changes in mood and cognition.
• C-PTSD: In addition to the symptoms of PTSD, C-PTSD often includes difficulties with emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, and a negative self-perception. People with C-PTSD may also experience a sense of betrayal, loss of trust, and a more pervasive impact on their overall identity.

3. Duration

• PTSD: The symptoms persist for at least one month and can occur shortly after the traumatic event or be delayed in onset.
• C-PTSD: The symptoms are typically more enduring, and the diagnosis may be considered after exposure to prolonged trauma over months or years.

4. Interpersonal issues

• PTSD: While interpersonal issues can arise, they are not as central to the diagnosis as they are in C-PTSD.
• C-PTSD: Interpersonal difficulties, such as problems with trust, forming and maintaining relationships, and a distorted self-perception, are more prominent.

5. Self-concept

   – PTSD: Generally focuses on the impact of the traumatic event itself.

   – C-PTSD: The individual’s sense of self and identity are more profoundly affected, often leading to pervasive and enduring negative beliefs about oneself.

It’s important to note that the field of trauma-related disorders is complex, and there can be some overlap and variations in how these conditions are diagnosed and understood.

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of PTSD or C-PTSD, it is crucial to seek professional help from mental health professionals who can provide appropriate assessment and treatment.

What does complex PTSD look like in relationships?

When it comes to CPTSD and relationships, it can really make someone feel like their relationship is out of control. Complex PTSD occurs when a person has endured trauma that wasn’t just isolated to one event. They may have had trauma that went on for months or years without a break. This can lead to serious symptoms and require intensive treatment.

The person with the condition may not be able to be close to another person, and they might also feel like they can’t trust them. An individual will usually have difficulty with their emotions and when it comes to being intimate with another person as well.

For someone who loves a person with CPTSD, it may be devastating to see someone you care about acting in a way that doesn’t fit your idea of them, especially if they are acting erratically. It may cause you to feel like you need to seek mental support. Working through CPTSD and relationships is possible with hard work and time.

What to do when CPTSD in a relationship is triggered?

Anytime you are in a relationship with a PTSD sufferer, it can be difficult to know what to do. However, the best thing to do is to take care of yourself, including your health and wellness, to ensure that you aren’t harming your health or making yourself sick from worrying.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

Do what you can to provide a safe space for your partner. Often, this involves an in-depth conversation about what makes your partner feel safe versus unsafe.

You may also calmly tell your partner how you have seen them act and explain that they might benefit from seeing a therapist. While you can’t make them seek help, when you are calm and reassuring about it, they may decide on their own to work with a counselor. C-PTSD and relationships are likely topics that a therapist will be able to help both of you with if need be.

How complex PTSD can affect intimate relationships: 13 ways

There are several ways that complex PTSD and intimate relationships can be affected. These symptoms can occur in relationships and come in a few categories. Here’s a look at 10 ways this may be the case.

• When it comes to emotions

Complex PTSD and romantic relationships can be negatively impacted because of emotional symptoms that may be present.

1. Hard to control emotions

Those with CPTSD may have a hard time controlling their emotions. They might get upset and angry quickly and have almost no warning about how they will behave from one minute to the next. This can be very upsetting for both parties and lead to arguments or lack of communication.

2. Acting out of character

Another thing that can happen in complex PTSD relationships is a person acting out of character. They may begin to do things they have never done before or act as you have never seen them act. Again, this can scare you if you have to watch it, especially if they are doing risky things

Just as Maggie Martinez suggests:

Remember, this is scary for them too. Try not to shame them and try to have an open conversation about what you are noticing.

3. Experiencing negative feelings

Those with CPTSD will likely experience negative feelings about themselves. This is because they likely have a decreased sense of self-worth. They don’t think they are worth much, which can affect their self-esteem.

In terms of CPTSD and relationships, this can cause someone to not care much about what happens to them and think that no one loves them.

4. Inability to handle stress

When you are dating someone with complex PTSD, you may also notice that they can no longer handle stress. Even something that used to not bother them may lead to a big issue for them.

It is impossible to keep another person from having stress, so as someone who loves a person with CPTSD, this can be heartbreaking to watch, especially when you want to help them, and you may not know what to do.

Clinical social worker Maggie Martinez further explains:

This is another situation where having an open discussion about how you can help them when they are feeling stressed.

5. When it comes to attachment

You may also see things concerning CPTSD and relationships that affect the attachment that someone with this condition can have with others.

6. Issues with bonding with others

Those experiencing CPTSD might have trouble bonding with other people. They may not want to put in the effort it takes to start a new friendship with someone, especially if they think that the person will let them down.

This could cause them to be unable to work hard in a relationship since, in many cases, they don’t like to be around many people.

7. Problems with trust

There may also be PTSD trust issues within a relationship. Those with this condition often don’t trust others. Even if they love you and you have been together for a long time, it may be hard to trust you. This is not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t feel like they can.

This may cause them to try to push you away.

8. Unable to maintain relationships

Since those with CPTSD usually have a hard time trusting people and don’t want to be let down, this means they probably won’t be able to maintain friendships or relationships easily.

When your partner tries to push you away, it can be difficult to keep your relationship healthy. However, this doesn’t mean it is impossible.

• When it comes to sexual functioning

Other ways that CPTSD and relationships can be affected are through PTSD and sexuality.

9. Intimacy may be difficult

There are a few reasons why intimacy can be difficult for someone with CPTSD. They may not feel like they want to be intimate with another person, they may feel like they aren’t ready to trust someone, or they may want to be left alone most of the time.

This doesn’t just apply to sexual intimacy, which can be especially challenging for some

10. Sexual relationships may not be possible

For some individuals with PTSD, avoiding intimacy may be commonplace. They likely will have their own reasons for this, including many types of PTSD intimacy behaviors.

One possible reason is that the trauma they endured was sexual, or it may have to do with their low self-worth and feeling like they can’t trust others, which could lead to being unable to engage in a sexual relationship.

11. Issues being close to others

Are you wondering how does complex PTSD affect relationships?

Even being close to others may be something a person with CPTSD will avoid. This can also occur for a number of different reasons, and it may occur with people that they love as well.

Try to give your loved one their space when they are experiencing this disorder, and with the right treatment plan, you may see some of their symptoms alleviated over time.

12. Avoidance of vulnerability

People with complex PTSD may struggle with being vulnerable and opening up to their partner. They may have a fear of being hurt or rejected, leading them to avoid sharing their emotions and experiences. This can create a barrier in the relationship and hinder emotional intimacy.

13. Difficulty in conflict resolution

Due to their past trauma, individuals with complex PTSD may have challenges in resolving conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner. They may have heightened emotional reactions or defensive behaviors during disagreements, which can escalate conflicts and strain the relationship.

14. Triggers and flashbacks

People with complex PTSD may experience triggers and flashbacks related to their past trauma. These episodes can be unsettling and distressing, potentially impacting their interactions and connection with their partner. Understanding and managing these triggers within the relationship becomes essential for both partners to maintain a supportive and safe environment.

7 coping strategies for complex PTSD in intimate relationships

Now that we have looked at how does complex PTSD affect relationships, it is imperative that we look at some healthy ways of coping with this, for the betterment of the relationship. 

Anytime you want to work on coping strategies related to cptsd and relationships, there are a few ways to do so.

1. Take care of yourself

The first step to alleviating some of the symptoms related to your CPTSD is to start taking care of yourself. Even when you don’t feel like doing anything, it is important to have a routine and stick to it. This can offer you a greater sense of purpose, and you may start to feel better after some time.

Moreover, when loving someone with complex PTSD, making sure you get adequate sleep, the right amount of calories, and exercise regularly will help ensure that you are staying physically healthy, which can help.

2. Work on self-esteem

Self-esteem and self-worth can be large issues when you have PTSD and CPTSD. This is something that you should try to work on. You need to understand that people love you, and you are a human being that deserves love.

Try writing in a journal daily, which can help you with this, and do what you can to keep in touch with people you care about. They will be able to remind you how special you are and how others care.

3. Talk to your partner

Are you wondering how to support someone with complex PTSD? 

Well, being able to communicate with your partner can be quite important. You should be able to talk to them and listen as well. This allows you to work out issues and get things accomplished. Many experts think communication is one of the top keys to a healthy relationship.

Keep in mind, however, that no relationship has perfect communication. Work at it and keep it up, and you will likely be able to talk to your partner and get along with them easier.

4. Try to keep the past behind you

While it can be extremely difficult, you know that your PTSD has been caused by things that have happened in the past. When you can keep your mind from going there often and try your best to stay in the present, this may make a difference in how you feel and could be a necessary part of the treatment process as well.

5. Practice self-compassion

Individuals with complex PTSD often struggle with self-blame and self-criticism. It is important to cultivate self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself that the trauma was not your fault and that you deserve love and compassion. 

Engage in self-care activities that bring you comfort and practice positive self-talk to counteract negative thoughts.

6. Set boundaries

Establishing boundaries is crucial in maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship. Communicate your needs, limits, and expectations to your partner. This includes expressing when you need alone time or space, as well as setting boundaries around triggers or certain topics that may be sensitive for you.

Setting clear boundaries helps create a safe and respectful environment for both you and your partner.

Watch this video to learn how to set boundaries with people:

7. Talk to a therapist

Working on your CPTSD and relationships may take visiting with a therapist. They should be able to talk to you about a treatment plan that is right for you and your symptoms and help you repair your relationship once you start to feel more like yourself.

Besides that, a therapist could help you learn more about complex PTSD triggers in relationships. You can do your best to keep working on yourself and avoid things that may trigger you and cause you to experience additional symptoms.

Consider couples therapy as well if this is something you both agree on.

FAQs

Let’s have a look at the most discussed questions related to complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

• How do you love someone with complex PTSD?

When you understand how PTSD can affect relationships, which equates to a number of different ways, you might know that it is challenging to love someone with complex PTSD. However, being gentle and loving with them at all times can make a big difference.

It is also important to take care of yourself in the meantime and keep learning more about the condition to help them further. CPTSD and relationships are both hard to navigate and can be even more difficult to work through simultaneously.

• How do PTSD people act in relationships?

CPTSD and relationships can be a duo that is difficult to predict, but when someone has this disorder, they may not act much like themselves. They may be unable to be physical with their mate, they could have issues controlling their emotions, and they might have a decreased sense of self-worth.

All these things may be difficult for you to watch when you love someone with this condition, but it is also challenging for the person going through it, as you can imagine.

In some instances, complex PTSD and breakups may be possible, but this isn’t always the case.

• What are the long-term effects of CPTSD on relationships?

Complex PTSD can have significant long-term effects on relationships. It may lead to difficulties in emotional regulation, resulting in frequent arguments or communication breakdowns. 

Trust issues and an inability to maintain relationships may also arise due to the fear of being let down or hurt. CPTSD can affect intimacy and sexual functioning, making it challenging to establish and maintain emotional and physical closeness with a partner. 

Healing from these long-term effects often requires therapeutic support and a shared commitment to growth in the relationship.

• What does complex PTSD look like in relationships?

In relationships, complex PTSD can manifest through various symptoms. Individuals with CPTSD may struggle with controlling their emotions, leading to unpredictable outbursts or acting out of character. 

Negative self-perception and low self-esteem can affect their ability to believe in love and care from their partner. Issues with trust and difficulties in forming new bonds can also be present, making it challenging to establish and maintain healthy attachments. 

Recognizing and understanding these manifestations is crucial in providing support and creating a safe environment for healing.

• Can CPTSD be cured?

While CPTSD cannot be completely cured, significant progress can be made in managing and reducing its symptoms through therapy and self-care practices. 

Treatment approaches like trauma-focused therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and EMDR have been effective in helping individuals with CPTSD process their trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms. 

It is essential to recognize that healing is a journey, and everyone’s experience is unique. With ongoing support, individuals with CPTSD can experience symptom relief and improved functioning and find ways to establish fulfilling relationships.

Conclusion

There are many things you may want to know about CPTSD and relationships. This condition can affect all types of relationships, especially intimate ones, in many different ways. For instance, it could lead to issues with complex PTSD and infidelity in some instances.