Domestic Violence Checklist: 20 Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

All relationships are different from each other; we can all acknowledge and accept that statement.  A ‘perfect’ relationship is a mythological creature for sure. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes.  

Some relationships are healthy, some are unhealthy and unfortunately, there are also relationships that are downright abusive and dangerous.  

The sad part about this is that the signs of domestic abuse are not often seen as the victims refuse to come forward and seek help.

In this article, we’ll learn the signs of an abusive relationship checklist.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also known as domestic violence, is a variety of behaviors used by one person to control and dominate their partner in a domestic or intimate relationship.

It can take various forms, including physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and psychological abuse.

Physical abuse is the usual domestic abuse we know. The abuser would use physical force to hurt, such as slapping, hitting, kicking, choking, or using any type of weapon to inflict injury to another person.

Emotional abuse involves the use of manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or verbal attacks to control or harm the victim’s emotional well-being.

Financial abuse involves the use of economic resources to control or limit the victim’s financial independence. Sexual abuse involves unwanted sexual advances, harassment, assault, or rape.

Psychological abuse involves the use of tactics such as gaslighting, coercion, and threats to control or intimidate the victim’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Domestic abuse can have serious and long-lasting effects on victims, including physical injuries, emotional trauma, and psychological harm. 

20 common warning signs of domestic abuse

It’s important that you acknowledge and assess the unhealthy aspects of your relationship from an unbiased perspective. To help you, we’ve created the ‘signs of domestic abuse checklist to help you along the way.

• Physical signs of domestic abuse

What are the signs of domestic abuse in physical form? It’s where you see visible signs of domestic violence, and here are just some forms of physical abuse we know:

1. Bruises

This is the most common sign of domestic abuse. We can usually see bruises on the face, neck, chest, arms, or legs. The victim also might come up with excuses like accidentally hitting the appliances, falling down, or some hard thing falling.

Related Reading: Do Cheaters Suffer? 8 Reasons Their Actions Bruise Them Too

2. Broken bones or fractures

Emergency situations where a person gets treated for dislocations, broken bones, or fractures that are unexplained or can’t be determined are often caused by abuse. We can find them in the arms, legs, wrists, or fingers.

Usually, the abuser would break the victim’s fingers, twist wrists, or even push the victim, causing broken bones or fractures. 

3. Burns or scalds

Another common sign of an abusive relationship checklist is having burns or scalds. These burns and scalds are often caused by burning the victim using anything they could find, often weird in share, linear, or small and circular, such as cigarette burns. 

4. Hair loss or bald patches 

This is not too obvious from afar and might be masked by stress or medical conditions such as alopecia. Victims would often give out reasons that they are stressed or tired, causing hair fall.

However, this could be caused by hair pulling by the abuser.

5. Black eyes or swelling around the eyes and nose

This is one of the most common yet concealed forms of physical domestic abuse signs to watch out for. 

Often, black eyes or the swelling around the eyes and nose are due to hitting either using their bare hands or any other item that could cause such an impact. Victims usually mask these by wearing sunglasses or not going out for weeks. 

6. Cuts or lacerations

Symptoms of domestic abuse may also include cuts and lacerations, particularly on the face, head, or neck, caused by any sharp object such as knives, cutters, or scissors. 

Related Reading: How Do Guys Feel When You Cut Them Off?

7. Injuries to the mouth or teeth

Often masked as accidents, victims would often find excuses as to why they have broken or missing teeth or injuries to the tongue, lips, or gums.

This is often because of extreme beating or hitting from the abuser. It would also take a lot of time to heal.

8. Internal injuries

There are cases of medical emergencies where victims suffer different internal injuries, such as abdominal pain or vaginal bleeding, or headaches. 

Sexual assault could have caused vaginal and abdominal bleeding, using foreign items, and also by too much beating in the stomach or hitting of the head. 

9. Chronic pain

Severe headaches or fatigue, which can result from physical trauma or stress due to long-time abuse, are other domestic abuse signs and symptoms.

Over time, even if the bruises heal, our bodies will still feel the pain and abuse, and this will present as chronic pain. Upon further investigation and scans, abuse can be detected. 

10. Signs of malnutrition or dehydration

Sadly, even malnutrition and dehydration could be forms of domestic abuse checklist. Most of the time, victims who are kept indoors or are punished will be denied food or water. Some abusers use these necessities as reward, so if they don’t follow their orders, they can’t eat or drink. 

There have been many cases of victims being rescued in these types of situations. It’s important to note that some of these signs of domestic abuse can also result from accidents or other medical conditions.  

It’s always best to consult a medical professional if you have concerns or if you think that the patient or someone you know experienced abuse. 

If you suspect someone is experiencing domestic abuse, it’s important to reach out for help and support immediately.

• Emotional signs of domestic abuse 

We cannot always see the signs and symptoms of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse doesn’t have to be in the form of physical abuse; it can also be dished out in the form of emotional or mental abuse.  

Emotional abuse can be more difficult to recognize than physical abuse, but it is no less damaging to the victim’s well-being. Here are ten signs of domestic mental abuse. Remember that if you have experienced any of the following, it’s time to get out.

1. Constant criticism and belittling

Not all signs of domestic abuse can show in bruises, but they are as damaging. Either in public or private places, the abuser may say words that belittle or give baseless criticisms.

This aims to destroy the victims’ inadequate or worthless. Most of the time, the abuser will say these words when the victim shows potential or threat.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, notes,

Overtime, this strips the victim of their self-confidence and they would actually feel that they really can’t do anything right.

2. Controlling behaviors

The abuser will always want to control their victims. In fact, they fear their victims will find the strength to let go and escape, so in turn, they would show off controlling and abusive behaviors.

Some examples would be limiting their victims’ access to social media, money, transportation, and even their communication with their family and friends.

The abuser will not allow their victims to go out, and sometimes, even face their families and friends.

Related Reading: How to Fix an Abusive Relationship

3. Isolation

This is the next step of the domestic violence emotional abuse checklist. As the abuser controls the victim’s life, they would now prevent the victim from calling or meeting the people closest to them.

Slowly, the victim will distance themselves from their immediate family, friends, and even their neighbors.

If they are still allowed to go out, they would be limited to doing groceries, paying bills or picking the kids from the school.

4. Blaming

Emotional signs of domestic abuse may be invisible, but the damage is crippling. The abuser will always find ways to blame their victim for everything that goes wrong, even if they aren’t connected with them.

For example, the victim’s order didn’t arrive on time. She would receive extreme punishment and belittling for something she could not control.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

Regardless of whether or not they are responsible for something that happened, they will get the blame, with the goal of making the victim feel guilty and powerless.

Related Reading: How to Stop the Blame Game in Your Relationship

5. Manipulation

Manipulation is the act of controlling or, in a way, influencing someone to act or think in a certain way. Often, the abuser will do this for personal gain or to achieve a particular goal.

It involves using tactics, such as deception, coercion, or flattery, to influence or sway the other person’s behavior or beliefs. The abuser may also manipulate the victim’s emotions, such as using guilt or fear to get what they want.

They could also use emotional blackmail or threats. For example, the abuser may threaten to harm themselves if the victim doesn’t comply with their demands.

6. Gaslighting

This form of abuse checklist domestic violence in which the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perception of reality.

An example of gaslighting is when the abuser tells their partner that they never said or did something, even though the partner remembers it clearly.

The abuser will still continue to deny it, to the point when the partner starts to question their own memory. Soon, if this happens constantly, the victim will doubt what’s real and what’s not.

It involves denying or distorting reality in order to make the victim doubt their own perceptions and memory.

Related Reading: 7 Stages of Gaslighting in a Relationship & How to Cope

7. Intimidation

Add intimidation to your domestic violence checklist. It’s when the abuser threatens violence or starts making their victim fear for their safety. If they have kids, this also adds to the equation.

Even if they know what’s going on, even if they know they are being abused, they can’t escape because they might be in danger, or worse, their kids would. In the end, they remain submissive.

8. Withholding affection or emotional support

This is one of the most common and the usual start of an emotional abuse cycle. It’s one of the ways how to recognize domestic violence in a relationship.

At first, the victim might notice that their partner had changed. Whenever their demands are not met, as a form of punishment, they make the victim feel unloved and unworthy.

It’s painful when you live in the same house, and your partner refuses to talk to you or even acknowledge your presence. It hurts when you try to hug or kiss your partner, only to be rejected.

But these tactics will also determine if the abuser can abuse you or not. If they see that it works, then other abusive tactics would too.

9. Demeaning the victim’s accomplishments or abilities

Demeaning the victim’s accomplishments or abilities is a form of emotional abuse. It’s their way to intentionally belittle the victim’s achievements or skills, often to make them feel inferior and to undermine their self-confidence.

The truth is, the abuser is the one who is insecure but would turn it around by abusing their victims.

For example, an abuser might say things like, “You only got that contact because of me,” or “Seriously! You are not even capable of logically thinking your way out of trouble. You’re not smart enough to understand this.”

This can cause the victim to doubt their own abilities, lose self-confidence, and feel powerless, leading to long-term psychological effects.

10. Using children as a tool for control

A person who is capable of abuse would not even feel remorse. So they could really use their children to gain control.

Even if they are their kids, they will use them to threaten the victim. Threatening to harm or take away the children if the victim doesn’t comply with their demands, or using the children to spy on or manipulate the victim.

If you recognize any of these signs or feel unsafe, it’s critical that you take action to move away from the situation and into emotional, mental and physical safety immediately.  

Related Reading: 14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship

How to deal with domestic abuse? 

Dealing with emotional abuse can be difficult. At times, they leave the victim hopeless, with no one to turn to, but it’s important to take action to protect yourself and seek support.

It’s important to be aware of the situation, recognize the signs of emotional abuse, and acknowledge that it’s not your fault.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says,

If it’s still possible, empower yourself and seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or relationship therapist.

In extreme cases, there’s a need to consider seeking legal protection, such as a restraining order, if you feel threatened or unsafe. Keep reading to know more about how you can deal with abuse.

Some more questions & answers

• How domestic abuse causes behavior changes

Abuse, either physical or emotional, can change a person.

Someone who used to be happy and outgoing would suddenly become distant, quiet, and withdrawn. Though there may be other reasons, it could be the effects of abuse.

Over time, they would isolate themselves, even cutting contact with family, friends, and even co-workers. Out of nowhere, they would cancel trips, dates, or even meetings.

They would also drop out of activities, groups, or hobbies that they love.

Victims would feel drained and would show very low self-esteem. They would have trouble speaking in public, and some may refuse to look you in the eyes. They can also have panic episodes, anxiety, and depression.

• What are the reasons behind domestic violence?

Why would someone abuse another person? It’s so painful to see that someone who is close to you changes and becomes a monster. How can they continue to abuse and feel no remorse?

The truth is that there is no single cause of domestic violence, as it can result from a combination of individual, societal, and environmental factors.

Read this article to know the different reasons a person turns into an abuser.

Alan Robarge, a relationship coach, explains how gaslighting is connected with attachment trauma: 

Domestic abuse is totally unacceptable 

We enter a relationship in high hopes. There could also be many reasons some relationships are toxic or unhappy, but sometimes it’s due to abuse.

The signs of domestic abuse are not limited to physical pain, it could also be in a form of emotional abuse.

Learning the signs, causes, and even how you can deal with abuse can help save a life and a person’s sanity.

No one deserves to be abused, especially when there are kids involved. However you experience domestic abuse, it’s wrong, and you need to take action now!