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Beyond the Desperation: Can my Marriage be Saved?

Beyond the Desperation: Can my Marriage be Saved?

When deeply enthralled in the throes of a contemptuous separation, many partners ask, “Can my marriage be saved?” The corollary to this important question is a related one, namely, “Is it worth saving?

For starters

Partners wrestling with the vitality of their relationship should always begin by looking at how they phrase the pertinent questions. “Can my marriage be saved” implies that only one of the two partners is truly invested in stoking rebirth and new life into the conversation. If the question of the day is “Can our marriage be saved?” we can assume that the use of the plural possessive pronoun implies that both partners have at least a fleeting interest in working toward the resolution of issues that contributed to the duress.

The important stuff

If you truly want to save your marriage, prepare your body and soul for hard work, gut-wrenching soul searching, and perhaps quite a few missteps. If the marriage is to thrive beyond the initial separation, it will be important to make significant changes to the environment that lead to the brokenness in the first place. If you and your love are currently living in separate spaces, you must still find a way to keep the lines of communication open and healthy. Even from a distance, you can still do a lot of good in your relationship by continuously taking ownership attitudes, decisions, and the best and worst of your behaviors.  Occasionally, the changes you make in your life may become a catalyst for your spouse to foster some healthy changes, too. If you and your spouse can no longer communicate in an effective and strong manner, consider some coaching. Pull some others into the conversation that will help to model best practices.

Seek professional advice

If reconciliation is the avenue that most appeals to you, then pull a marriage professional into the mix as soon as possible.  In so many cases of marital dissolution, an outside source can offer new insights on old issues that continue to stymie even the most “in sync” couples. A variety of marriage workshops and marriage enrichment opportunities help hurting couples that deal with the conflicts and behaviors that feed the duress. But remember, it is absolutely unhealthy to sacrifice most of yourself to make the marriage work.