How to Improve Communication in Marriage: 15 Effective Tips

Though we don’t want to face this reality, there are times when we may all struggle with communication in a marriage. As you are married for a longer time, life circumstances and responsibilities can take over.

What was once excellent marriage communication can quickly become overtaken by juggling too many things and leaving too little time for each other.

We may have the very best intentions but lose our way when we get drawn into work, our kids, and keeping the household running. Improving communication in your marriage takes a conscious effort on both of your parts.

It means that you are also aware when it starts to slip and that you both work to prevent this from happening.

It’s not always easy to keep your marriage and communication intact, but it’s worth it, and a couple who communicates well with each other often stays together, too.

So, if you are looking for how to improve communication in marriage or tips for better communication, just know you’re aware, and this is where things can change for the better.

Why better communication in a marriage is necessary?

Communication—it’s one of the pillars of a relationship, right?

In marriage, talking openly and honestly with your spouse can make all the difference. When you truly listen to each other, you build trust, understanding, and emotional closeness.

Research highlight: Studies highlight that communication is essential for any relationship, and thankfully, there are countless ways to connect with each other. It’s a learned skill that helps us express our experiences and needs, strengthening our bonds.

Isn’t that what we all want?

To feel connected?

On the flip side, when there’s little communication, things can get… tricky. Misunderstandings grow, and sometimes, it feels like you’re drifting apart. No one wants that.

So, keep the conversation going! It doesn’t have to be perfect—just real. That’s how you strengthen your bond and keep the love alive.

Why is communicating becoming so challenging in marriage?

It’s a question so many couples ask themselves… Why is it so hard to talk like we used to?

Life gets busy, stress builds up, and before you know it, communication starts to feel like a struggle. But you’re not alone—it happens to almost every couple at some point!

Here are a few reasons why communication can become tough in marriage:

• Life’s distractions—work, kids, bills… it’s easy to lose focus on each other.
• Assumptions—thinking your partner should “just know” how you feel.
• Emotions—frustration or hurt feelings can make it hard to open up.
• Different styles—one partner wants to talk, and the other shuts down.
• Routine—falling into a daily grind where deep conversations take a back seat.

It happens! But realizing it is the first step…

15 tips for effective communication in a marriage

Let’s face it—communication in marriage can sometimes feel tricky.

We all want to be heard, right?

But between busy schedules, emotions, and misunderstandings, it’s easy for the lines to get crossed.

The good news?

It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be genuine. Small efforts can make a big difference!

Ready to reconnect and communicate more smoothly?

Here are 15 simple yet powerful tips to help you and your partner get back on the same page… and stay there!

1. Get in facetime every day

You will often find that you’re exhausted after balancing all of your responsibilities at the end of the day. By the time you reach home, you are so drained that you can only think about spending time relaxing in your own space and with your thoughts.

This does not leave you and your spouse much time to reconnect or spend quality time together.

Though it may seem like a chore at first, you must set aside just a few minutes to talk face-to-face with one another. You will soon come to love and appreciate this facetime, which gives you a great way to reconnect.

The key to understanding how to improve communication in a marriage is to spend a few minutes together, away from everything else.

Even if it’s right before you go to bed at night, be sure to talk with one another about anything and everything. See how this helps open the floodgates and get the two of you talking again.

2. Make time for just you two (such as date night)

Having that time each day helps you remember what you love about each other. This inevitably leads to the need for having more time dedicated to just the two of you.

Even if you can only get a date night once a month, go for it—this can be the lifeline of your marriage and keep the communication alive and well.

Having time away from the kids, away from responsibilities, and focused just on you as a couple really makes you stronger. This gives you a wonderful opportunity for good conversation and reconnecting, which is what effective communication is really all about in the long run.

3. Talk about more than just the functional

Have you been asking yourself how to improve communication in marriage?

It’s easy to get caught in a rut talking about cleaning the house or picking up the kids every single day. This will mean that your communication is much more about the mundane and much less about the good conversation that keeps you linked together.

Make it a point to talk about the things you like, hobbies, special interests, current events, or anything other than just the functional, for it will keep the spark alive and ensure that you enjoy talking to each other.

Improving communication in marriage requires you and your spouse to try different topics and avenues for keeping things exciting and away from the dull and mundane.

4. Be a genuine and modest listener

One essential way to improve communication with your spouse is to put aside your ego and take the first step towards being open to listening. Being a modest and good listener will also invite the same habit in your spouse.

To be a good listener, you can try to follow the following steps:

• Remove any distractions, such as your phones or laptops.
• Watch for non-verbal cues and gestures.
• Show interest, sympathize, or empathize where necessary.
• Don’t interrupt too often, but do ask probing questions.
• Most importantly, think before you speak.

Remember—no matter how challenging it might seem, being genuinely interested in your spouse is entirely your choice.

5. Look to each other for support

You want to support each other and be the one person your spouse can turn to. The only way to do this is through effective communication in a marriage, so you may need to revisit what it means to support each other.

Try turning to each other instead before you run to a friend with a problem or for an opinion.

Know that a good marriage heavily depends upon love and support. When you open up to each other in this way, you help foster one of the essential elements of being a couple in love—those who support each other will always stay close!

6. Focus on your tone

When we try to communicate with someone, it is not just about the words we use but also about the tone in which we speak those words.

How to improve communication in marriage?

If you or your partner talk in an offensive or taunting tone, it can lead to an argument, making communication even more difficult.

7. Notice your body language

Just like the tone of your voice, your body language is also non-verbal communication.

If you come across as defensive, offended, or angry and agitated by your body language, the chances are that the communication between you and your partner will be disrupted.

8. Notice the time you pick to talk

How to communicate better in marriage?

Focus on the timing.

If you and your partner have something significant to discuss, make sure you pick the right time to do so.

Otherwise, communication between the two of you can be pretty disrupted. If you choose to talk to them when they are stressed or tired, they may not respond in the way you expect them to.

9. Do not expect them to read your mind

This is one of the most common mistakes in relationships and marriages. They expect the other person in the equation to read their mind, which is just not possible. 

Irrespective of how long and how well someone has known you, they just cannot read your mind. Expecting that from them can lead to poor communication.

10. Pay attention to how you phrase your sentences

Apart from your voice and body language, the way you phrase your sentences plays a crucial role in how your message is received. Sometimes, without realizing it, we use words that come across as harsh or hurtful, even if that’s not our intention.

Improving communication in your marriage often means choosing your words carefully to avoid misunderstandings. The tone and phrasing can either build up your connection or create distance.

Learning how to communicate in marriage starts with being mindful of how your partner might interpret your words.

11. Do not speak to hurt

It’s easy to let emotions take over in the heat of an argument. However, if you want to improve communication with your spouse, it’s important to avoid saying things that are meant to hurt.

When we’re upset, we sometimes lash out and say things we don’t truly mean—words that can leave lasting emotional scars.

One key tip on how to improve communication skills in a marriage is to stay calm and express your feelings without aiming to wound your partner. Remember, hurtful words are hard to take back.

12. Listen to understand

Ask yourself, are you listening to understand or simply waiting to respond?

If it’s the latter, it’s time to shift your approach. When you truly listen, you create space for better communication with your spouse, allowing them to feel heard and valued.

Listening is one of the most underrated ways to improve communication in marriage, yet it can transform the quality of your conversations almost instantly.

The goal should be to understand your partner’s perspective, not just to defend your own.

13. Know when it is time to pause

Sometimes, conversations get too intense, and it’s crucial to recognize when to take a break. Knowing when to pause can prevent things from escalating further.

If emotions are running high, step away and return to the discussion when both of you are in a better mental space. Pausing isn’t about avoiding the issue; it’s about creating the right environment for constructive dialogue.

This is a helpful strategy for couples looking to improve communication skills in marriage and promote healthier discussions.

14. Be respectful

Respect is at the core of how to communicate better in a marriage. Even when you disagree, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team—both of you are working together to solve the problem, not against each other.

By maintaining respect during disagreements, you keep the focus on the issue at hand rather than letting things get personal.

Respectful communication is one of the most effective ways to improve communication in marriage and ensures that the relationship remains strong despite challenges.

15. Do not taunt

When discussing issues, avoid taunting or making sarcastic remarks. Taunts can quickly derail a conversation and make it difficult to resolve anything.

If you want to learn how to improve communication in your marriage, focus on constructive, non-accusatory language. A healthy discussion is free of blame, finger-pointing, or passive-aggressive comments.

Instead, aim for a dialogue that helps you reach mutual understanding and resolution.

Watch this TEDx Talk where psychologist Joanne Davila talks about skills for healthy relationships:

Dos and don’ts to improve communication in your marriage

Effective communication is essential for a healthy marriage, but it can be challenging. Sometimes, we might struggle to connect or understand each other.

That’s okay! By focusing on some simple dos and don’ts, you can learn how to improve communication in your marriage. These tips will help you express your feelings and listen with empathy, paving the way for a stronger bond.

Let’s explore how you can make your conversations more meaningful!

Dos	Don’ts	Actionable Steps
Do listen with intent	Don’t interrupt	Give your partner the space to fully express themselves before responding. Nod or give verbal cues to show you’re engaged.
Do be open and honest	Don’t hide your feelings	Share your thoughts and emotions openly. Even if it’s hard, honesty builds trust. A simple “I feel…” can go a long way!
Do choose your words carefully	Don’t use hurtful language	Think before you speak, especially in heated moments. Ask yourself, “Will this help or harm the conversation?”
Do show empathy	Don’t dismiss your partner’s feelings	Acknowledge your spouse’s emotions. Even if you don’t fully agree, saying “I understand why you feel that way” can make all the difference.
Do take breaks when needed	Don’t keep pushing during an argument	If things get too intense, suggest pausing. Take a few moments to cool down and revisit the conversation when you’re both calmer.
Do stay respectful	Don’t resort to sarcasm or taunting	Keep a respectful tone, even when you disagree. Remind yourself that it’s “you and your partner vs. the problem,” not “you vs. your partner.”
Do clarify what you heard	Don’t assume you know everything	After your partner shares something, restate it in your own words to confirm you understood. “So, what you’re saying is… right?”
Do make time for real conversations	Don’t let distractions take over	Set aside time to talk without interruptions—put down the phone, turn off the TV, and focus on each other.

Building a stronger connection

In the end, improving communication in your marriage is a journey worth taking! It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to grow together. Remember, it’s not about avoiding disagreements; it’s about how you handle them.

By embracing the dos and don’ts we’ve discussed, you can create an environment where both partners feel valued and heard. This connection doesn’t just enhance your conversations—it strengthens your relationship as a whole.

So, keep practicing, stay open, and celebrate the small victories along the way. After all, every step you take brings you closer to a deeper, more fulfilling partnership!