If you’ve been asking yourself this recently: “How do I figure out how to save my marriage?” then know this: you are not alone. There are millions of people around the world just like you—people who have been having marital problems but don’t want to give up, who want to save their marriage and the relationship they have built with another human being.
The essential tips
There is no one solution that will work for everyone. Every relationship, every problem, every aspect of marital discord is different from person to person. However, these essential tips can be applied to many marital problems and can help you ultimately repair and save your marriage.
1. Don’t fight—discuss what is going on instead
What does fighting—what does screaming, arguing, and tossing insults—solve? Nothing. You can’t save your marriage if you aren’t able to put away your fighting gloves, set aside your fighting words, and approach the problems with a conscious discussion to discuss instead of fight. The answer to “How can I save my marriage?” isn’t to yell at your partner about your problems, it’s to be able to discuss with them together as rationally as you can. This doesn’t mean that you need to set your emotions aside, after all, a marriage problem will naturally cause both of you to be emotional. It just means that you need to encourage a discussion, not a fight.
2. Be on the same page about your problems
What do you think are the major problems in your marriage? Now, consider this: What does your partner think are the major problems in your marriage? It’s vital that you and your spouse are on the exact same page when it comes to what the issues actually are, otherwise you won’t be able to solve anything! For example, if you feel that there is a lack of communication in the marriage but your partner sees no problems with communication and instead thinks that there are major trust issues, which you don’t see at all—how can you come together and work on your problems? Find out what each of you think are the problems, and go from there.
3. Don’t be afraid of outside help
If you want to know the answer to “How do I figure out how to save my marriage?” don’t be afraid to find some outside, professional help. Considering marriage counseling is a big step, and it’s an even bigger step to actually commit to attending marriage counseling. But you really don’t need to be afraid of asking for outside help, especially since neutral third parties who are trained to actively deal with marriage problems may be able to help you in a big way. If you are struggling to come together as a married couple who can discuss and work on your problems, outside help may be the boost you need.