Couples are made in heaven; they meet each other on earth; start a life and try to live happily ever after. That is the general idea of a marriage, but not everyone is this fortunate.
Many people struggle to keep their marriages afloat. They fight tooth and nail to keep their relationship going. To some people, their marriage is all they have, and it’s hard for them to break away even when the other partner isn’t even trying to save the relationship. What should one do in such a case to save a marriage?
The first thing you need to do to save a marriage is to assess your situation, if it were a loving marriage that has gone down to drain and you are the only one realizing this, then know that you will be the only one to try and save this marriage. If your partner doesn’t even realize that they are sinking the ship, they won’t help save it either.
So when you know that you are the only one trying, instead of asking yourself, how to save your marriage from divorce, you should ask yourself, how to save your marriage even if your spouse is checked out and another good question would be, do I want to save this marriage?
Here are some great tips that you can apply to your sad reality and change the whole game of your marriage and create a win-win situation.
How to save a marriage when only one is trying
1. Ask why do I want to save it
The first step is to ask, why do I want to change this? Why do I want to save this? Why do I need to save a marriage from doom? You need a clear answer to this question, what is your reason.
- Is it because you took vows to stay married till death does you apart?
- Is it because you can not deal with an ugly divorce?
- It is because of your kids?
- Or is it simply because you love your partner too much to let them go?
- This list of reasons will keep you motivated to put more effort when you feel down and discouraged.
2. Take your focus away from the problems in your marriage
How to save a marriage that is falling apart? The answer is, quit focusing on negative points. Stop talking about this altogether, to yourself, to others and to your spouse. You might think it is like being an ostrich who buries itself in the sand to avoid danger but trust the logic of this; it truly works.
Here’s what you need to do:
- Quit discussing the issues with your partner (It doesn’t help)
- Quit telling them where they are wrong (It only fuels the fire)
- Quit advising them to do things differently (They’d only drift apart more)
- Quit the blame game with your spouse (Nothing good comes out of blaming)
- Stop giving your family and friends a rundown of all your fights and arguments.
When you start letting go of the problems and negative points, you start focusing on what’s good, what’s positive and enhance that. Here’s what you can do every time you start getting depressed at the problems.
- Start by making a list of things to be thankful for in your marriage.
- Start humming your favorite song.
- Start listening to a song that reminds you of the early days of your marriage.
- Run an errand that you have been putting off to distract yourself.
- Give your partner a call just to say, “I am thinking of you.”
- Calm yourself and take deep breaths.
Self-care leads to positivity, and it will start to show in your relationship. Value yourself more than these negative thoughts.
Stop asking yourself, how to save your marriage when you are the only one trying, and start acting on the plan that you have devised with effective ways on how to save a marriage when only one is trying.
3. Take a u-turn
Your worried tantrums and your clinginess can drive your partner away from you. Stop doing that and take a U-turn.
So, how to save your marriage alone? Start reasoning with yourself; stop thinking about the abandonment that you might feel looming near you.
Instead, start focusing on becoming the person your partner loved and married. Bring your partner on board again to get your marriage work again; these will make them notice you more and value you more.
- Arrange dates
- Unexpected loving texts and calls
- Cook together to keep things light
- Play a song that brings back old memories of love and intimacy
- Hug a lot (This releases endorphins and make a person relax)
- Communicate better
- Cuddle and watching movies that you once loved.
- Plan intimate massages
- Keep reminding them you love them and miss them
- Texts are great, but love letters are even better
- Hold hands more
- Plan for walks and long drives.
- Arrange candlelit settings to encourage intimacy.
It must feel like a lot, to save a marriage, but given time and effort to a broken relation heals a lot.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.