Have you ever found yourself searching for signs your ex is testing you? First and foremost, they may have given signs or led you on if you are feeling that way.
But why? Haven’t you both been through enough already? Whether it’s an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend, the fact that you’re asking yourself – why is my ex checking up on me, is already an indication that they are making their presence felt.
The big question now is, how does that make you feel? Let’s look at the vital signs your ex is testing you and try to find answers to the mind-boggling question – why is he testing me?
You’d have a better idea of the signs your ex is testing you if you will analyze their actions. To make it easier for you to check the signs your ex is testing the waters, here are some common reasons your ex might want to test you.
Among the most obvious signs he is testing you is when your ex constantly brings up the good old days. Why would they, in the first place, if they have moved on and no longer want anything to do with you?
They want to hear your reactions so they would know what to do next. They may also be trying to check what went wrong or if any one of you would do things differently if given a chance.
Instead of asking – why is he testing me or is she testing me, you better ask yourself how being reminded of the past makes you feel.
Would you ever trek that road again with the person whose signs he is testing you made you think hard about your feelings and where your heart stands now?
One of the signs he’s testing your loyalty is when he asks for your help to check whether you will or not. It doesn’t always mean that they are in need or are taking advantage of you.
It could also mean that they still trust you and believe they can still rely on you during tough times.
5. They become controlling
It usually happens when your ex knows that you are still harboring feelings for them. They grab the opportunity to take advantage and try to control your life.
When you see signs your ex is testing you, leading to controlling behavior, you have to hold your emotions and thoughts and stand your ground.
6. Your ex tries testing your boundaries
Among the prominent signs he’s testing your feelings this way is when he keeps on doing bad things to check if you will allow them or how long before you flinch.
It’s an obvious sign of disrespect. Why would you still ask – is my ex-girlfriend testing me, or why is he testing me when the answer is plain to see.
They don’t love you. No one in their right mind would inflict pain on the person they have pledged their love and loyalty to.
7. They are doing the success test
Now that you are no longer together, your ex may want to check if you have succeeded in life. They want to see if you have gotten a better job or obtained financial security after losing them.
If they ask you to get back together after proving that you have become more successful after losing them, they don’t mean that they want your money. They may only want to see if you have changed.
They may feel the urge to get back together after learning that you have finally realized your worth as a person and beyond a relationship.
8. They are giving you a chance
This is another one included in the signs your ex is testing you. They want to make you feel empowered to check how you would react this time. They may be helping you grow and mature without realizing it.
It may also be the reason why they have chosen to step back. Now that you are getting signs your ex is testing the waters, it is best to take things slow.
Your ex is giving you the power to decide. So take it even if you won’t do it in their favor.
This is one of the most obvious signs your ex is testing you – your ex constantly checks your social media accounts to see how you are doing.
They may go on a liking spree of your posts or view all the stories you post. Some would make you think – is my ex testing me by ignoring me. They would pretend like they don’t care but still secretly check your social media posts behind your back.
10. They do the loyalty test
This usually happens when an ex always had the intention to get back with you; hence, they want you to remain faithful even after the breakup.
They may ask around or ask you directly. You no longer think if this is among the signs he’s testing your loyalty because it is. They will likely ask you to get back together once you pass this test.
You keep thinking about the signs your ex is testing you because they constantly give you confusing actions. Sometimes they will appear like they can’t live without you, and other times, they’d let a long time pass without making their presence felt.
If you ever feel this way, do not rush into any decision. Instead of concluding that his actions are signs he’s testing your feelings, take your time to reflect on things. Focus on yourself instead and your well-being.
12. They ask you questions that are too personal
This is one of the clear signs your ex is testing you. They suddenly start texting or calling you to ask personal questions to make you feel uncomfortable.
Deal with it by telling them how you feel. They may respond by explaining why they are doing it. They may have realized that they did not give enough time before to get to know you better.
This may be their way of re-learning things about you before popping up the proposal of getting back with them.
When the person you’ve always been with suddenly makes no communication at all, it will lead you to ask – why is he testing me, or is she testing me.
Disappearing suddenly may be part of their process of moving forward. However, it could also mean that they give you space to breathe and think.
What happens when they reappear will depend on what you have realized during the no-contact period. So take this time to think and check on how you feel.
14. They want to spend the night with you
This is something beyond confusing. They would call off the relationship only to express their desires to sleep with you.
Will you allow it? Only you can answer that but bear in mind that sleeping with him for one or two nights won’t mend what happened in the past.
It will also make moving on harder, especially when you realize that instead of the signs your ex is testing you, they are only trying how easily you’d give in.
15. They want to talk about the past
Among the signs your ex is testing you, this is something that may lead to a good restart. This is especially true for relationships that abruptly ended without giving both people involved a chance to talk.
Take it. Talk to each other and see where it both leads you.
After the breakup, your ex suddenly seeks you out whenever something is troubling them. If it happened too soon after the breakup, you might want to keep your distance. If it has been months or years since you have parted ways, you may want to hear them out.
This is especially true in cases when you were good friends before becoming partners, and you know that there is no one else your ex trust but you.
It’s the bomb; no need to search for signs your ex is testing you. They are not. Instead, they want honesty, and they want the two of you to be upfront.
After seeing all the signs your ex is testing you, you are not required to do anything. Give it time. You can go to a counselor to make things easier to understand or take new courses to give yourself a chance to improve.
Take this chance to grow, and be better before thinking about whether you will give your ex a chance or it’s time to close this chapter of your past.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.