17 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Testing You and How to Handle It

Have you ever found yourself searching for signs your ex is testing you? First and foremost, they may have given signs or led you on if you are feeling that way. 

But why? Haven’t you both been through enough already? Whether it’s an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend, the fact that you’re asking yourself – why is my ex checking up on me, is already an indication that they are making their presence felt. 

The big question now is, how does that make you feel? Let’s look at the vital signs your ex is testing you and try to find answers to the mind-boggling question – why is he testing me?

Related Reading: The Danger Behind Talking to an Ex While in a Relationship

Why would your ex be testing you?

It’s understandable to feel uneasy when you feel like you are being tested, especially by an ex. Is my ex testing me to see if I’ve changed? Are these signs your ex is testing your patience?

You will never know until you get to the bottom of your discomfort – your ex. This kind of testing typically happens for two reasons:

Your ex has hit their head on the wall that broke their ego, which they want to regain by testing if you are still interested so that they could boost their deflated ego.

Your ex misses you and would want to get back together but are unsure if you’d be open to the idea.

Does he miss you? Watch this video to know some signs he cannot stop thinking about you.

5 Common Reasons Your ex Might Want to Test you

You’d have a better idea of the signs your ex is testing you if you will analyze their actions. To make it easier for you to check the signs your ex is testing the waters, here are some common reasons your ex might want to test you.

Are you looking to get back with your ex? Read this book titled – Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile With Your Partner – And Make It Last on how you can make it happen.

1.  Ask you about someone they’ve seen you with

Your ex can casually pop the question if you have remained in contact and are on speaking terms. However, the question is tricky.

If the question is already leading your inner voice to ask – is my ex-girlfriend testing me, or is my ex-boyfriend testing me; it is best to restrain yourself for now.

What you can do at this point is to keep your cool. Make your ex feel that you are dating but not in a hurry to get into anything serious.

Let them come to you all they want, but never rush to conclusions or connect the dots. Stay casual, and go about your life like usual. 

2.  They want to reconnect or casually reach out

After weeks, months, or years of pondering about the answer to – is my ex testing me by ignoring me, they will reappear in your life to say hello or ask how things are doing.

It’s understandable to get startled, especially if the ex has caused the breakup. This will make you think about why they suddenly make their presence felt.

Before jumping to conclusions that they want to rekindle the romance and get back with you, it is better if you’d respond in the same fashion – casual and non-engaging.

This will allow you to completely heal and maybe shed light on your queries if these are signs your ex is testing you.

3. They want to know what your reaction would be

This reason opens another set of why questions. Why is he testing me, or why is she testing me? Why does it feel like these are signs he’s testing your loyalty? 

In this case, your ex is beating around the bush and showing signs he’s testing your feelings rather than asking you directly if you’d reconsider getting back together. 

17 Signs Your Ex is Testing You

Here’s a look at the common signs your ex is testing you and advice on how to best handle your ex in these circumstances:

1. They jump to conclusions to see how you will react

Your ex may already be showing signs he’s testing your feelings. They take you by surprise and tell you something to catch you off guard.

Instead of asking, they go straight to the point and tell you how they miss you and want to get back. This will prompt you to come up with a response.

No matter what you say or do, make sure you think hard about it. An ex is an ex for a reason. Think about the reason before getting caught up with the signs your ex is testing you.

Related Reading: Communicating With Ex: 5 Rules to Keep in Mind

2. They remind you of the better times you’ve had

Among the most obvious signs he is testing you is when your ex constantly brings up the good old days. Why would they, in the first place, if they have moved on and no longer want anything to do with you?

They want to hear your reactions so they would know what to do next. They may also be trying to check what went wrong or if any one of you would do things differently if given a chance.

Instead of asking – why is he testing me or is she testing me, you better ask yourself how being reminded of the past makes you feel. 

Would you ever trek that road again with the person whose signs he is testing you made you think hard about your feelings and where your heart stands now?

Related Reading: How to Stop Your Spouse From Bringing Up the Past

3. Your ex is jealous

If they suddenly become interested in your love life, stop dwelling on the signs your ex is testing you. They are, but it doesn’t always mean that they want to get back with you.

It could mean they are jealous that you have moved on first or you have moved on, period. They may rather see you alone and always be open to getting them back when they ask.

Related Reading: 15 Tips on How to Stop Being Jealous in Your Relationship

4. They ask for your help

One of the signs he’s testing your loyalty is when he asks for your help to check whether you will or not. It doesn’t always mean that they are in need or are taking advantage of you.

It could also mean that they still trust you and believe they can still rely on you during tough times.

5. They become controlling

It usually happens when your ex knows that you are still harboring feelings for them. They grab the opportunity to take advantage and try to control your life. 

When you see signs your ex is testing you, leading to controlling behavior, you have to hold your emotions and thoughts and stand your ground.

6. Your ex tries testing your boundaries

Among the prominent signs he’s testing your feelings this way is when he keeps on doing bad things to check if you will allow them or how long before you flinch.

It’s an obvious sign of disrespect. Why would you still ask – is my ex-girlfriend testing me, or why is he testing me when the answer is plain to see. 

They don’t love you. No one in their right mind would inflict pain on the person they have pledged their love and loyalty to.

7. They are doing the success test

Now that you are no longer together, your ex may want to check if you have succeeded in life. They want to see if you have gotten a better job or obtained financial security after losing them.

If they ask you to get back together after proving that you have become more successful after losing them, they don’t mean that they want your money. They may only want to see if you have changed. 

They may feel the urge to get back together after learning that you have finally realized your worth as a person and beyond a relationship.

8.  They are giving you a chance

This is another one included in the signs your ex is testing you. They want to make you feel empowered to check how you would react this time. They may be helping you grow and mature without realizing it.

It may also be the reason why they have chosen to step back. Now that you are getting signs your ex is testing the waters, it is best to take things slow. 

Your ex is giving you the power to decide. So take it even if you won’t do it in their favor.

Related Reading: Why Should You Give a Second Chance to Your Relationship?

9. They are stalking you

This is one of the most obvious signs your ex is testing you – your ex constantly checks your social media accounts to see how you are doing.

They may go on a liking spree of your posts or view all the stories you post. Some would make you think – is my ex testing me by ignoring me. They would pretend like they don’t care but still secretly check your social media posts behind your back.

10. They do the loyalty test

This usually happens when an ex always had the intention to get back with you; hence, they want you to remain faithful even after the breakup. 

They may ask around or ask you directly. You no longer think if this is among the signs he’s testing your loyalty because it is. They will likely ask you to get back together once you pass this test.

Related Reading: What is Loyalty & Its Importance in a Relationship?

11. They are confusing you

You keep thinking about the signs your ex is testing you because they constantly give you confusing actions. Sometimes they will appear like they can’t live without you, and other times, they’d let a long time pass without making their presence felt.

If you ever feel this way, do not rush into any decision. Instead of concluding that his actions are signs he’s testing your feelings, take your time to reflect on things. Focus on yourself instead and your well-being.

12. They ask you questions that are too personal

This is one of the clear signs your ex is testing you. They suddenly start texting or calling you to ask personal questions to make you feel uncomfortable.

Deal with it by telling them how you feel. They may respond by explaining why they are doing it. They may have realized that they did not give enough time before to get to know you better. 

This may be their way of re-learning things about you before popping up the proposal of getting back with them.

Related Reading: 125 Good Relationship Questions To Ask Your Partner

13. They disappear after the breakup

When the person you’ve always been with suddenly makes no communication at all, it will lead you to ask – why is he testing me, or is she testing me. 

Disappearing suddenly may be part of their process of moving forward. However, it could also mean that they give you space to breathe and think. 

What happens when they reappear will depend on what you have realized during the no-contact period. So take this time to think and check on how you feel.

14. They want to spend the night with you

This is something beyond confusing. They would call off the relationship only to express their desires to sleep with you. 

Will you allow it? Only you can answer that but bear in mind that sleeping with him for one or two nights won’t mend what happened in the past.

It will also make moving on harder, especially when you realize that instead of the signs your ex is testing you, they are only trying how easily you’d give in.

15. They want to talk about the past

Among the signs your ex is testing you, this is something that may lead to a good restart. This is especially true for relationships that abruptly ended without giving both people involved a chance to talk.

Take it. Talk to each other and see where it both leads you.

Related Reading: Should You Tell Your Partner Everything About Your Past or Not?

16. They seek you out for emotional support

After the breakup, your ex suddenly seeks you out whenever something is troubling them. If it happened too soon after the breakup, you might want to keep your distance. If it has been months or years since you have parted ways, you may want to hear them out. 

This is especially true in cases when you were good friends before becoming partners, and you know that there is no one else your ex trust but you.

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Improve Emotional Support in Your Relationship

17. They ask you upfront if you want them back

It’s the bomb; no need to search for signs your ex is testing you. They are not. Instead, they want honesty, and they want the two of you to be upfront.

The Takeaway

After seeing all the signs your ex is testing you, you are not required to do anything. Give it time. You can go to a counselor to make things easier to understand or take new courses to give yourself a chance to improve. 

Take this chance to grow, and be better before thinking about whether you will give your ex a chance or it’s time to close this chapter of your past.