You two are dating and having quite a good time, but your significant other often seems too mysterious. They come closer and make you their center of attention at one moment. At the other moment, they shove themselves inside a cocoon and do not connect with you.
But, chances are your significant other is avoidant in love. Yes, such people do exist. While they may have genuine feelings for you, it can be not very clear sometimes. You need to look out for the signs an avoidant loves you.
As the significant other, you also need some emotional assurance. Their erratic behavior can cause you some emotional turmoil too. They may seem emotionally distant and unstable, but their love can be genuine.
In general, love avoidant people often become closer to love addicts. It is simply like the opposite attracts. While one person craves love, another is hesitant!
If you two are in talks of taking the next big step, it is time to think deeply. You need to check out if our partner is avoidant. Right now, read on!
You may find some important signs if an avoidant loves you.
Who is a love avoidant?
As per psychology, love avoidants are people or individuals who fear intimacy and affectionate gestures, despite being in love. People who display love avoidant behavior often come across as emotionally distant, cold, and introverted people.
In short, you can call them anxious lovers. They avoid intimacy and emotional closeness for fear of rejection and loss.
But that does not mean they are not capable of loving other people.
How does a love avoidant display feelings?
You can look out for signs, an avoidant loves you to understand this. They will show love by-.
Even though the love avoidant personality traits are hard to decipher, they can become beautiful partners with some adjustments. These people also have feelings. Hence, they are also capable of love.
For such people, particularly men or women, falling in love is like a roller coaster ride. You have to understand that they are emotional beings. Hence, they tend to shy away from falling in love. But, when they fall, they fall hard!
After all, these people tally each aspect of your personality before falling in love. They will think about everything in detail. Quite a thinker, huh! They will check if you are ready to commit and can understand you. On top of that, people with love avoidant behavior also do a total risk assessment. They want to make sure that you will not leave them.
Intense attention is among the primary avoidant attachment signs. As time passes, they suddenly become uncomfortable with all the attention and romance. The feeling becomes cringy and suffocating for them.
On top of that, the love avoidant individuals also tend to overthink relationship matters. During a relationship, such people can develop irrational fears. The fear of losing their partner! They might think that their partner will cheat, die or leave them. Even though these are irrational thoughts, they do have these thoughts!
The love avoidants end up preparing themselves for the worst relationship possibilities! In turn, they lose focus on the present. On top of that, their unnecessary fear causes them to lose emotional attachment with their partner. In short, they become different people altogether.
Overall, love avoidants start to grow distant as soon as their relationship develops. So, you need to look out for signs an avoidant loves you to understand their feelings and emotional turmoil.
If you feel that your partner has suddenly started to avoid you, it is time to rethink. They may not be a cheater but dismissive-avoidant in love. You may be in a relationship with someone who is a love avoidant.
But, if you are a love addict, the challenge is worse. Many people often need to ascertain the feelings of their partner. Thankfully, there are signs of avoidant attachment to help you in this process-
1. They are ready to become vulnerable
The main characteristic of love avoidant is their fear of intimacy. They believe that if they open their world to you completely, they will get hurt. Hence, they never open themselves fully to you. If you feel that your partner often acts confusing, take these as signs of avoidant attachment.
The love avoidant individuals usually offer you a tiny peek of their world. But, if they share their whole world with you, they are definitely in love. Your partner may come across as an introvert, but if they tell you all of their secrets, believe in their honesty!
As per the research done by the University of Toronto, love avoidants show positive reactions to non-verbal communications. They will get flattered if you share a warm smile, a simple touch on their palm, or a loving eye contact. Such actions assure them that you are serious. If you wonder how to make an avoidant miss you, indulge in some non-verbal communication.
3. They display nonverbal communication
A reserved lover may make an effort to display their affection differently. Hence, look out for the nonverbal communication they offer. You are lucky if your partner offers romantic gestures like holding hands in public and shielding you during an argument. Reciprocating is the best way to make an avoidant love you!
Check out this video to know how non-verbal communication works in relationships:
4. They encourage you to get personal space
Love avoidants usually become confused if you try to get some personal space for yourself. But, if they encourage you to get your own space, it is a positive sign. A love avoidant will only allow you to remain aloof sometimes if they have genuine feelings!
5. They make an effort to connect with you
Such individuals often end up dancing themselves due to security issues. But, do they make an effort to reach you? Then it is one of the important signs an avoidant loves you.
If they are genuinely in love, they will occasionally text or call you and may share some good jokes. Remember, it is a stark contrast to their reserved personality!
Love avoidant persons try to become good listeners when serious in a relationship. Your man or woman may listen to your needs and wishes with proper attention. They will surely make some effort to fulfill these wishes too!
One of the main signs an avoidant loves you is that they make the first move! It is unnatural to make a move on you unless they are deeply in love with you! So, if they are reaching out, try to play coy and let them show you with attention!
8. They want to get intimate
The biggest fear of avoidants is intimacy. If they are ready to get physically intimate with you, take it among the significant signs of an avoidant who loves you.
Intimacy is a big deal for such people, and they are bearing their all to you!
A love avoidant will show addition to everything except you. If you two have spent some quality time and your partner displays intense emotion, it is a positive sign. If they are following you like a lost puppy, count it. This sign falls among the signs an avoidant loves you. After all, you have become their comfort zone!
10. They make an effort to bond with you
For an avoidant person, bonding is quite tricky. But, if they are making an effort to bond with you through the things you like, it is a good sign. This effort displays that they trust you and are ready to commit to you. For them, bonding is a profoundly emotional thing that happens seldom!
11. They have introduced you to their friends or family member
Do you have an introvert lover? You are lucky if your significant other has introduced you to their family members or close friends. They do not welcome you in their inner circle unless they are sure about you. This step displays that they have decided to settle down with you.
12. They say “Yes” to marriage
The greatest sign among the signs an avoidant loves you? They say “Yes” to the marriage question. Your partner may even oop the big question!
A love avoidant is a person who fears intimacy in a relationship due to fears of personal inadequacy or rejection. But, they tend to open their hearts if they are entirely sure about you. As their partner and significant other, you need to consider their feelings. They may need some reassurance and love to overcome their fears. It is up to you to show them that you are sincere about their love. Simple gestures often do the work. You can also go for couple-therapies to ensure you two grow closer!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.