Power Struggle in Relationships: Signs & Ways to Deal

Power struggles can cast a dark shadow on even the most harmonious relationships. Many times, couples do not realize how and when the urge to take control threatens their relationships. 

Power struggles in relationships can manifest in various ways, such as constant arguments over control, decision-making, or dominance. 

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, says

A power struggle isn’t about who wins but about how much the relationship loses in the process.

This article delves into the intricate dynamics of power imbalances, exploring how they can erode trust, communication, and intimacy. Discover strategies to navigate these challenges, fostering healthier connections and nurturing the delicate balance between partners.

What is a power struggle in relationships?

Looking for a power struggle definition? A power struggle in a relationship refers to a dynamic where both partners vie for control, authority, or dominance. 

It involves a constant battle for influence and decision-making power, often leading to conflicts and dissatisfaction. Power struggles can emerge from various factors, such as differences in values, communication styles, or personal insecurities. 

Dionne Eleanor adds,

Power struggles arise when love turns into a competition instead of a collaboration.

They may manifest as one partner exerting control, manipulating the other, or engaging in passive-aggressive behavior. Such struggles can erode trust, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction. 

A common example of a power struggle in a relationship is when one partner dominates decision-making, leaving the other feeling unheard and disregarded, leading to resentment and discontent.

10 signs of a power struggle in relationships 

Power struggles in relationships can be detrimental to the overall well-being and harmony of the partnership. 

Recognizing the signs of a power struggle is crucial in order to address the issue and work towards a healthier dynamic. Here are ten common signs that indicate a power struggle within a relationship:

1. Constant arguments

Power struggles often manifest as frequent conflicts and disagreements. These arguments tend to revolve around control, decision-making, or asserting dominance. Partners may engage in heated debates, each vying for their own desires and preferences to prevail.

Dionne Eleanor comments,

When arguments feel like exhausting, painful battles, the relationship loses its foundation of trust.

Related Reading: How to Handle Relationship Arguments: 18 Effective Ways

2. Dominance and control

In a power struggle, one partner consistently seeks to dominate and control the other. They may attempt to dictate the actions, decisions, or choices of their partner, using various tactics such as manipulation, coercion, or even threats. 

This partner may have a strong need for power and control, often at the expense of their partner’s autonomy.

3. Lack of compromise

During the power struggle phase of a relationship, there is an inability or unwillingness to compromise. Both partners may hold rigid positions, unwilling to yield or find a middle ground. 

As a result, decision-making processes become challenging and may lead to constant disagreements in power struggle relationships, as neither partner is willing to make concessions.

4. Disregard for partner’s needs

In a power struggle, one partner consistently disregards or dismisses the needs and desires of the other. 

Their primary focus is on satisfying their own desires and maintaining control, often neglecting or downplaying the importance of their partner’s well-being. This disregard can breed resentment and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

5. Withholding information

A power struggle may involve one partner intentionally withholding information or keeping secrets. This behavior is often used as a means of asserting power and control over the other person. 

By controlling access to information, the partner withholds a sense of transparency, which undermines trust and contributes to an imbalanced dynamic.

6. Manipulative behavior

Manipulation is a common tactic employed in power struggles. It can involve emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or using subtle tactics to gain an upper hand in the relationship. 

Manipulative behavior undermines trust and fosters a toxic environment where power becomes a weapon.

Related Reading: 25 Examples of Manipulation in Relationships

7. Competition instead of collaboration

Rather than working together as a team, partners engaged in a power struggle view each other as rivals. 

There is a constant sense of competition, where each partner seeks to gain the upper hand and assert their dominance. Collaboration and cooperation take a backseat, leading to a breakdown in teamwork and a lack of shared goals.

8. Imbalanced decision-making

In a power struggle, one partner often has an overwhelming influence on decision-making processes. 

Based on this, one of the power struggle examples is that they may make unilateral decisions without considering the input or needs of the other. This power imbalance can lead to feelings of marginalization and can erode the sense of equality and partnership within the relationship.

9. Withholding affection or intimacy

Power struggles can involve one partner using affection, intimacy, or emotional support as a tool for control. 

They may withdraw these forms of connection as a means of punishing or manipulating the other person. Withholding affection or intimacy can create emotional distance and undermine the overall closeness and trust within the relationship.

10. Lack of trust

Power struggles within a relationship erode trust. Partners may become suspicious of each other’s motives or actions, constantly questioning the authenticity or hidden agenda behind their partner’s behaviors. 

This lack of trust further perpetuates the power struggle and hampers the ability to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

How to deal with the power struggle in relationships?

Dealing with power struggles in relationships requires conscious effort and a commitment to fostering healthy dynamics. Here are five ways to address and navigate power struggles within a relationship:

1. Open and honest communication

Effective communication serves as the foundation for addressing a power struggle. Partners should create a safe and non-judgmental space where they can openly express their thoughts, feelings, concerns, and desires. 

Active listening is crucial, as it demonstrates respect and validates the other person’s perspective. It is important to avoid blame or defensiveness and instead focus on understanding each other’s experiences. 

By fostering open and honest communication, couples can begin to identify the underlying issues contributing to the power struggle and work together toward resolution.

Dionne Eleanor suggests,

A crucial part of the antidote to a power struggle is humility—allowing love to lead over ego.

2. Seek understanding and empathy

To resolve a power struggle, both partners need to develop a deeper understanding of each other’s experiences and perspectives. This requires empathy, which involves putting oneself in the other person’s shoes and trying to comprehend their emotions, fears, and insecurities. 

By seeking understanding and empathy, couples can cultivate compassion for one another, acknowledging that the desire for control often stems from deeper vulnerabilities. 

This understanding paves the way for empathy and helps create an environment where both partners feel heard, validated, and supported.

Dionne Eleanor adds here,

True empowerment in a relationship comes when both partners feel seen, heard, and valued.

Watch this video to understand the importance of empathy:

3. Establish healthy boundaries

Clearly defining and respecting boundaries is essential in addressing power struggles. Each partner should have the autonomy to make decisions and pursue their individual interests, while also considering the impact on the relationship. 

Healthy boundaries ensure that both individuals’ needs and boundaries are acknowledged and respected. This may involve openly discussing expectations, personal values, and preferences. 

By establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, couples can create a sense of equality, fostering an environment where power is shared and balanced.

In fact, in a study, it was found that individuals who have well-established boundaries tend to have higher levels of subjective well-being than those who struggle with setting boundaries.

4. Practice compromise and collaboration

Overcoming a power struggle often requires a willingness to compromise and collaborate. 

Compromise involves finding a middle ground and making concessions to reach mutually satisfying solutions. It requires both partners to be open to adjusting their positions and finding alternatives that meet both of their needs. 

A study explored the role of compromise in romantic relationships. The study found that couples who were able to compromise in a positive and constructive manner reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction and commitment.

Collaboration, on the other hand, emphasizes working together as a team. It involves pooling ideas, resources, and strengths to achieve shared goals. ‘

By practicing compromise and collaboration, couples can build trust, strengthen their bond, and create a more balanced and harmonious dynamic.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons to Compromise in a Relationship

5. Seek professional support

In some cases, resolving a power struggle may require the guidance of a professional therapist or counselor. A trained professional can offer unbiased insights, facilitate productive communication, and provide effective strategies to address power imbalances. 

They can help both partners gain a deeper understanding of themselves and each other, explore the root causes of the power struggle, and develop healthier patterns of interaction. 

Seeking relationship counseling demonstrates a commitment to the relationship and a willingness to work through challenges together.

Some more questions

Power struggles in relationships can be detrimental to the overall health and happiness of both partners involved. Recognizing the signs of a power struggle is crucial in addressing the underlying issues and working towards a more balanced dynamic. Know more below:

• How long does the power struggle stage last?

The duration of the power struggle stage in relationships can vary. It depends on the individuals involved, the underlying issues, and their willingness to address and resolve the power dynamics. It could last for weeks, months, or even longer if left unaddressed. 

However, with effective communication, understanding, and efforts to create a healthier dynamic, the power struggle stage can be navigated more efficiently and transitioned into a more balanced and harmonious relationship.

• What is positive power in relationships?

Positive power in relationships refers to the constructive and mutually empowering use of influence between partners. It involves using power and influence in ways that enhance the relationship and the well-being of both individuals. 

Positive power is characterized by respect, collaboration, and the promotion of shared decision-making. It recognizes the importance of each person’s autonomy, values, and needs while fostering a sense of equality and mutual support.

This book investigated how power dynamics affect relationship quality. The study found that positive power, such as using influence to promote the well-being of both partners, can lead to greater relationship satisfaction and stability.

• Are relationships a power struggle?

While power struggles can occur in relationships, it is not accurate to say that relationships are inherently a power struggle. 

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and cooperation. While power imbalances may arise from time to time, successful relationships strive for shared decision-making, compromise, and collaboration. 

The goal is to create a harmonious partnership where both individuals feel heard, valued, and supported, rather than engaging in a constant struggle for control or dominance.

Seeking the right balance

To deal with power struggles, open and honest communication, seeking understanding and empathy, establishing healthy boundaries, practicing compromise and collaboration, and considering professional support are effective ways to navigate these challenges. 

By fostering equality, respect, and cooperation, couples can overcome power struggles and create healthier and more fulfilling relationships. 

Dionne Eleanor says.

A relationship isn’t a battlefield; it’s a sanctuary where both partners should feel safe to grow together.

It requires a willingness from both partners to reflect, communicate, and actively work towards resolving the power imbalances, promoting a stronger connection and a more harmonious partnership.