Meeting the love of your life is as simple as opening up a dating app and scrolling through potential soulmates, right?
Whether you have been spurned by love in the past, have a crazy busy schedule, or are in a spot in your life where it’s tough to meet people, dating online has never been a more popular option.
With algorithms and matchmaking skills on our sides, what is it about online dating that makes it so hard to meet your perfect match?
Online dating isn’t the easy breezy road to love that it’s cracked up to be. That’s why we’re giving you 6 reasons why you should ditch the app and get back to dating IRL.
1. You aren’t looking for the same things
“Sure, people say they’re looking for the same things you are, but they’re not really. When I meet girls online, half the time I don’t even read their profile – I just agree with whatever they say so that I can hopefully meet them and hook up. Shady, I know, but true.” – José, 23
When you fill out your online dating profile, you’re doing so with the hopes of catching someone’s eye who has the same goals and interests that you do. Unfortunately, José isn’t the only one scamming his online lovers. A 2012 research study found that men spend 50% less time reading dating profiles than women do.
This can lead to bad experiences and bad match-ups that may leave you feeling more than a little “blah” about online romance.
2. Liar, liar, pants on fire
“When you date someone online, you can be whoever you want to be. I dated this British girl online for 4 years. We met in person plenty of times and always talked on the phone. Turns out, she was married… and she wasn’t even British. She lied to me the whole time.” – Brian, 42.
The reality of online dating is this: you never know who you’re really talking to behind the screen. It could be someone using a fake picture, name, or who lied on their profile in order to get more matches. They could be married, have kids, have a different job or be lying about their nationality. The possibilities are terrifyingly endless.
The unfortunate thing is that this behavior isn’t uncommon. According to a study conducted by the University of Wisconsin-Madison, 81% of people online lie about their weight, age, and height on their dating profiles.
3. You can’t meet in person and progress
“I don’t care what anybody says, long-distance relationships are pretty much impossible! If I can’t meet someone and hold their hand and build a physical connection with them, yes including sex, then things just can’t progress normally.” – Ayanna, 22.
Online romance is a great way to learn the art of communication. You open up and get to know each other better because, for the most part, all you have in your relationship are words. However, so much of a relationship is about unspoken things. It’s about sexual chemistry and sexual and non-sexual intimacy.
Studies show that the oxytocin hormone released during sex is largely responsible for building bonds of trust and strengthening your emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Without this important aspect of bonding, the relationship may grow stale.
4. You never meet
“I dated this guy for a while online. We lived in the same state a few hours away, but we never met. I started to think he was catfishing me, but no. We Skyped and he checked out! He would just never set aside the time to meet me in person. It was really weird and disappointing.” – Jessie, 29.
So, you’ve found someone online that you really connect with. You get along so well and you can’t wait to meet them to help move your relationship forward. The only problem is that a survey done by the Pew Research Center found that one-third of online daters never actually, well, date! They do not meet in person, meaning your online relationship isn’t going anywhere.
5. You don’t have time for each other
“Online dating is great because you always have someone to talk to, and you’re able to open up quicker online than you would in person. But none of that matters if you live in different time zones and can’t actually spend quality time together, which sort of puts a damper on things for me.” – Hanna, 27.
Part of the reason online relationships are so popular is because many people are so busy, they don’t have the time to go out and meet people the old-fashioned way. Dating online is a great way to fit in a little romance when you have the time.
However, this also means that they won’t have much time to devote online, either. Between a busy work schedule and other obligations, some people just don’t have the availability to develop a real, lasting relationship through the internet.
6. Statistics are against you
“I’ve read that couples online are more likely to stay married. I’ve read online that online dating statistics are completely against you. I don’t know which to believe but regardless, online dating has yet to work for me.” – Charlene, 39.
Algorithms may be great for finding like-minded people online, but that doesn’t exactly mean that you’re going to share amazing chemistry together. In fact, the book Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking studied 4000 couples and found that those who met online were more likely to break up than couples who met in real life.
Even if you try your hardest, online relationships aren’t a guarantee of a happily ever after. Lies, distance, and differences in goals all play their part. This month we encourage you to ditch online romances and go after someone in real life that you can have a long-lasting connection with for years to come.
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