15 Signs of Mommy Issues in Women and How to Fix Them

Mommy issues can be misunderstood and overlooked and can have a significant impact on a woman’s life. These issues stem from complex relationships with their mothers during childhood and can manifest in various ways throughout adulthood.

In this article, we will delve into what mommy issues are, the psychology behind them, telltale signs of mommy issues in women, the side effects they can have, and, most importantly, actionable ways to address and overcome these issues. 

So, if you have a question, “Do I have mommy issues?” Let us help you answer that.

What are mommy issues for a woman?

If you’re seeking to understand and define mommy issues, it typically refers to a situation in which a person has a strained relationship with their mother, to the point that it affects other meaningful relationships, such as those with a significant other.

So, what causes mommy issues? Mommy issues can result from early childhood experiences, such as inconsistent parenting, neglect, or over-dependence, leading to difficulties in adult relationships and self-esteem. 

When these problems go unresolved, they can continue to affect a person as an adult, leading to the appearance of mommy issues in daughters and women.

Understanding the psychology of mommy issues

Now that you have a better idea of the answer to “What are mommy issues for daughters?” you may be wondering about the psychology behind mommy issues in women. 

Much of what we know about mommy issues comes from Bowlby’s attachment theory, which says humans are innately wired to seek connection or attachment with their caregivers. When young children form healthy attachments with their caregivers, they learn to rely on others to meet their needs.

On the other hand, when children learn that adult caregivers may not respond in times of need, they might not develop healthy attachments. This can lead people to become anxiously attached, meaning they may worry about unmet needs. 

When someone has an anxious attachment style, they may become overly clingy and depend upon their partners. Based on what is known about attachment theory, if your mother was emotionally distant or abusive, you may develop an anxious or avoidant attachment style. 

You may worry about people being available to you or decide that you cannot trust them to be available. You might avoid emotional closeness to protect yourself. This is why the signs of mommy issues in females include detachment and difficulty with affection. 

According to psychological concepts from Bowen’s Family Systems Theory, people with a high differentiation of self can remain part of the family but still function as autonomous individuals and make their own decisions. 

On the other hand, people with low self-distinction cannot distinguish themselves as separate from their families. In a household where a mother is overprotective and overbearing, a child may develop low differentiation of self. 

A low differentiation of self can lead the person to have trouble differentiating themselves from their partners in adult relationships, which is why mommy issues in women can lead to neediness, people-pleasing, and caretaking behavior in relationships. 

13 signs of mommy issues in women

If you feel that you might be experiencing signs of mommy issues, you probably want some sort of confirmation that your suspicions are true. If you’re reading this and wondering, ‘What are the mommy issues?’ It’s essential to recognize that mommy issues can manifest in various ways.

The symptoms below can indicate signs of mommy issues in females.

1. Neediness in relationships

Mommy issues in relationships can show up in the form of neediness.

According to marriage & family therapist Jelisha Gatling:

Those with mommy issues may have unrealistic expectations in a relationship, such as constant communication when apart from their partner. They may overreact if their partner doesn’t respond right away to a text message or phone call.

If your mother was emotionally distant and did not meet your needs for care and affection, you might cling to your partner to provide this nurturance.

Emily Pray adds “Sometimes this can manifest in a partner over-nurturing their spouse in an attempt to achieve a sense of ‘certainty’ they won’t be abandoned.”

2. Difficulty expressing affection 

We learn a lot about relationships from our parents. If your mom was emotionally cold, you might struggle to show affection to your partner because you were never given a good example. 

A lack of affection can lead to problems with intimacy in adult relationships and lower quality of relationships if you are experiencing the signs of mommy issues in women. 

3. Detachment in relationships 

Just as girls with mommy issues struggle with affection, they may become emotionally detached in relationships. Because they struggled with their mother, they might be afraid to get too close to their intimate partners. 

4. Caretaking for others

Another one of the mommy issues symptoms is excessive caretaking for other people. This can come from having a mother who was overbearing and never allowed you the freedom to be yourself or make your own decisions. 

She may have been overprotective and solved every problem for you, which can lead you to take on a caretaker role and sacrifice your own needs in your adult relationships. 

5. Tension between you and your mom 

Even if you can’t quite put your finger on the exact problems between you and your mom, if your relationship was strained, there are probably some underlying mommy issues. 

Unresolved problems from childhood tend to keep cropping up in adulthood, so tension with your mom can suggest some mommy issues are still going on. 

“It can be helpful to explore your own self talk in these kinds of dynamics and ask yourself ‘where did this message come from’ especially around worth, intimacy and self-compassion.” said by Emily Pray

6. Insecurities

Sometimes, mommy issues mean your mother was incredibly critical of you growing up.

Family therapist Jelisha Gatling further explains:

Growing up with a hypercritical mother often results in having a loud inner critic in adulthood and being particularly hard on yourself.

If not resolved, those feelings will usually be projected onto others, and you may be more likely to take things personally and feel attacked when given constructive feedback.

Maybe she criticized your appearance, or perhaps nothing you did was ever good enough for her. This can make you feel highly insecure as an adult because if you can’t please your mother, how can you please anyone? Such doubts can persist even as an adult.

7. Extreme people pleasing

If you lacked love and affection from your mother, you might try to do everything possible to get affection elsewhere. This can mean excessive people-pleasing behaviors. 

How do you know if you have mommy issues? You may make others happy by doting on them, buying expensive gifts, or doing favors, even if you aren’t getting the same level of care in return.

8. Controlling behavior

Mommy issues in women can sometimes manifest in the form of controlling behavior toward others. 

When your mother is controlling, you may learn that it is acceptable to control others. This can cause you to be rigid in your relationships, expecting people to behave a certain way. You can become upset and try to control other people when they don’t meet your expectations. 

9. Being overly critical of others 

Mommy issues signs in females may include an overly critical personality. If you have mommy issues as a woman, your mom was likely overly critical of you.

Since we learn by watching our parents, you, too, may become overly critical of other people. This can mean that you perceive slight flaws as disastrous and may become angry with people for minor mistakes or imperfections. 

According to LCSW Emily Pray, “Self doubt can often appear as hyper-critical commentary or opinions toward others.  It’s challenging to reframe this, but so important in maintaining healthy relationships.”

10. Lack of independence

While we can think of mommy issues in women as coming from an emotionally cold or neglectful mother, sometimes mommy issues come from having a mother who was overly protective and overindulged. This can lead you, as an adult, to struggle with independence. 

You may rely on others to decide for you or handle your responsibilities. 

11. Fear of abandonment

Women with mommy issues may deeply fear abandonment from childhood experiences. If your mother was inconsistent in her affection or presence, you might grow up with a persistent fear that others may leave you or not love you unconditionally.

Such fear can lead to clinginess, anxiety in relationships, and even self-sabotage, where you may push people away before they can abandon you, perpetuating a cycle of insecurity and relationship difficulties.

12. Seeking validation from authority figures 

Another sign of mommy issues in women is a strong desire for validation and approval from authority figures, which may stem from a lack of maternal validation during childhood.

If your mother was dismissive or overly critical, you might seek validation from bosses, mentors, or other authority figures. This can manifest as a constant need to please these figures, even at the expense of your own needs and well-being.

13. Difficulty establishing boundaries 

Women with mommy issues may struggle with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in their relationships. If your mother was intrusive or failed to respect your boundaries, you might grow up without a clear understanding of what healthy boundaries look like. 

Such an act can lead to being overly accommodating or allowing others to take advantage of you, as you may fear confrontation or rejection if you assert your boundaries. Establishing and enforcing boundaries is crucial for developing healthy relationships as an adult.

If you relate to several of these signs and ask yourself, ‘Why do I have mommy issues?’ it’s essential to recognize these patterns and take steps towards healing. 

Seeking therapy or counseling can be valuable in addressing and working through these issues to improve your overall well-being and relationships.

What are the side effects of mommy issues?

Based on what is known about mommy issues, you can expect significant side effects if you’re a woman living with these issues. Since mommy issues tend to follow us into adulthood, they can negatively affect our relationships and well-being.

If you have mommy issues symptoms, you may experience the following side effects:

• Feelings of self-doubt
• Difficulties maintaining intimate relationships
• Multiple failed relationships
• Low self-esteem
• Mental health problems like anxiety and depression 
• A series of toxic or unhealthy relationships 
• Codependent behavior in relationships 

15 ways to fix mommy issues

Given the side effects and problems that come with them, it is essential to learn how to deal with mommy issues. If you’re experiencing relationship difficulty, it’s probably time to explore some solutions to your mommy issues.

Overcoming mommy issues can be complex, requiring self-awareness, effort, and professional guidance. Here are some actionable ways to address and heal mommy issues:

1. Become aware of the problem

The first step toward solving mommy issues is to become aware of the problem. The fact that you’re reading this indicates that you realize there is a problem.

If you’ve confirmed that you have mommy issues, now is the time to increase your awareness by thinking about what led to these issues. Was your mother extremely critical? Did it seem as if there was a wall between the two of you because she was emotionally distant?

It’s time to dig deep and determine where the mommy issues come from.

2. Seek social support 

Seeking supportive relationships with others can help you develop self-confidence to overcome mommy issues. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who encourage and make you feel your best. Cultivating healthy relationships can go a long way when trying to overcome childhood issues. 

3. Set healthy boundaries 

If you’re experiencing signs of mommy issues, it is likely that there is still tension between you and your mother today. This means that you may have to learn how to set healthy boundaries with her. 

If your mother was always overly involved in your life, such as making career decisions or assuming responsibility for your finances, now is the time to break free.

You have a right to stand up for yourself and tell her you’ll make your own decisions. You also have a right to turn down advice or ask for space. 

4. Change your ways of behaving

Once you’ve identified mommy issues and determined that you want to move past them, you must intentionally change your behavior. Once you’re aware of the signs of mommy issues in women, you can look out for behaviors associated with them and put forth the effort to change those behaviors. 

For instance, if you judge others harshly, you can acknowledge that this may stem from mommy issues and decide to be more forgiving. 

5. Cut off unhealthy relationships 

It may be challenging to learn this, but sometimes, when you have mommy issues, you are drawn to unhealthy or toxic relationships. This can mean that a toxic partner may not support you if you try to overcome your mommy issues. 

You must understand that this isn’t a healthy relationship if your significant other expects you to take a caretaking role or meet all their demands while neglecting your well-being. You may have to end it if you genuinely want to recover from mommy issues.

6. Practice putting yourself first

If mommy issues have led you to be overly people-pleasing or to take on a caretaking role in your relationships, you probably don’t have much time for yourself. 

When you’re used to sacrificing your own needs for the benefit of others, it may feel selfish to take time for yourself, but putting yourself first can put you in a better mindset, so you’re better prepared to care for your family and children. 

Take time for self-care, and do things you genuinely enjoy without needing to always care for others. They’ll be okay!

7. Use positive self-affirmations 

When your mother is critical of you, there is a significant chance you may become critical of yourself. Instead of falling victim to negative self-talk, practice positive affirmations, such as, “I am an excellent mother” or “I am a hard worker.”

When these thoughts become automatic, you can overcome the negative voice inside your head.

8. Talk with your mom 

If your mom is still in your life, you may have to talk to her if her behavior becomes inappropriate. For instance, if she begins giving excessive input on your personal choices, you may have to ask her to step back. 

9. Permit yourself to feel 

An emotionally neglectful mother may deny your feelings or punish you for having negative emotions. This can lead you to suppress your feelings, especially negative ones, out of fear of punishment. 

If you want to learn how to fix mommy issues, you must permit yourself to feel your emotions. It’s okay to be sad or disappointed, just as it’s okay to be happy. 

10. Practice mindfulness meditation 

Consider practicing mindfulness meditation in your daily routine. Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotions, allowing you to understand better and manage them. It may also reduce stress and anxiety, which unresolved mommy issues may exacerbate. 

Regular practice can enhance your emotional resilience and promote inner peace.

11. Engage in creative expression 

Expressing your feelings and experiences through creative outlets like art, writing, or music can be therapeutic. These mediums may offer a safe space to process emotions and gain insights into your mommy issues. 

Engaging in creative expression can help you release pent-up emotions and foster self-discovery.

12. Attend support groups 

Joining a support group tailored explicitly to addressing mommy issues can provide a valuable sense of community. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others who have faced similar challenges can be incredibly reassuring and empowering. 

Support groups can offer a platform to exchange coping strategies and receive emotional validation.

13. Consider EMDR therapy 

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a specialized form of therapy that can effectively treat unresolved trauma, including mommy issues. 

EMDR can help reprocess distressing memories and emotions, reducing their impact on your present life and relationships. Consult a qualified therapist trained in EMDR for guidance.

14. Create a self-care plan

Develop a comprehensive self-care plan prioritizing your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Include activities that nurture your self-esteem and self-worth. 

Regular exercise, adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and hobbies that bring you joy can all contribute to healing from mommy issues by enhancing your overall resilience and self-compassion.

Watch this video to learn more about creating a self-care plan that can help you both physically and mentally:

15. Seek therapy

Ultimately, you may need to seek professional intervention to overcome mommy issues. Since these issues have roots in childhood and can profoundly impact your functioning as an adult, it can help to work through them with a professional. 

A therapist can help you process your emotions and explore the problems in your relationship with your mother. Therapy can also be a safe space to learn what healthy relationships look like and develop skills like setting boundaries.

Remember that addressing mommy issues is a journey, and it’s essential to be patient with yourself. Seek professional help, and surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and loved ones. Healing from these issues can lead to healthier relationships and a happier, more fulfilling life.

Takeaway

Mommy issues in women can come from relationship problems that played out in childhood, and they can cause issues in adult relationships, including difficulties in understanding the mommy issues meaning in relationship dynamics.

If you notice signs of mommy issues, you may have experienced difficulty with intimate relationships, whether you found yourself overly clingy or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, afraid to commit. 

The good news is that when you notice signs of mommy issues, you can take steps to overcome them. In some cases, therapy may be necessary, so you have a professional walking alongside you as you recover from childhood wounds.

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Jennifer Schulz LCSW

Dr. Jenni Schulz is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she earned her Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology from National University. She has worked in the social work field for 14 years and is currently a professor at Ashland University.... Read more She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. Dr. Schulz is licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and a school social worker through Ohio Department of Education. She currently works primarily as a crisis therapist at her local hospital and jail, while engaging in mental health consulting virtually. Read less

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