Have you ever wondered what it takes to make your relationship work? Have you spent countless nights researching and googling how to make your relationship last, only to try those things and they didn’t work?
When it comes to making a relationship work, it takes two people who genuinely want to be together and are willing to make a commitment to each other and that they are willing to put in the work it takes to have the relationship they want.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert has identified seven principles that make a marriage work.
These principles are simple but require couples to be intentional in practicing them and applying them in their relationship. For the seven principles to work, you and your mate have to be willing to put in time and effort, and for your relationship to work, there has to be commitment and trust.
Relationships never grow on its own
When you get married, you can’t automatically assume that the relationship will nurture itself and grow on its own.
You and your mate must do the work to have a lasting relationship.
If you don’t do the work it takes to have a loving, strong, healthy, lasting relationship, the relationship will eventually fade away and you will find yourself wondering how you got to the place where you are more like roommates than a couple.
The seven principles for making marriage work can help prevent a lot of the ups and downs that comes with being in a relationship and can help you have the relationship you want.
The principles are research-based, designed to help couples deepen their friendship and intimacy, build trust and commitment, strengthen their relationship, improve communication, and manage conflicts. The seven principles are designed to improve the overall success of your relationship and prevent divorce.
If you want your relationship to last if you want to build trust and commitment in your relationship, if you want to learn how to solve problems and how to communicate effectively, consider following the principles to make your marriage last long.
The principles are –
1. Enhance your love maps
This is building your friendship with each other and becoming intimately familiar with each other. It’s all about how well you know each other.
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
This is cherishing each other, having positive memories and positive views about the relationship and each other, and showing each other appreciation.
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
This is giving each other attention and having opportunities to build trust and emotional connection daily.
4. Let your partner influence you
This is sharing of power in the relationship, shared decision making, accepting influence from each other and taking each other’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions into consideration.
5. Solve your solvable problems
This is being able to work together to solve problems without hurting each other, using “I” statements to express how you feel when communicating and being able to compromise.
6. Overcome gridlock
This is when you have a conflict and you feel very strongly about your position where you and your mate have got stuck.
Then, being able to have open, honest communication about your position, dreams, hopes, aspirations, and goals, acknowledging and respecting each other’s dreams, hopes and aspirations, and accepting that some problems are not solvable.
This is building shared purpose, goals, meaning, and traditions in your relationship.
It takes two people to build a relationship
Building a relationship is not that easy.
It takes two people who are willing to put in the work every day. Relationships are just like flowers, you have to nurture it every day for it to grow.
What are you willing to do differently in your relationship to have the relationship you want? Choose one of the seven principles and practice them for the next seven days and watch your relationship transform. Then choose two more, until you are following them all in your relationship.
You can have a better relationship, but it depends on if you and your mate are willing to put in the work.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by LaWanda N Evans