How do I control my husband’s anger?
It is a sensitive topic. Talk to them calmly until they cool down or learn martial arts. But in reality, only one will actually work, and neither is practical in the long run.
Why? You can reason with someone who is being unreasonable (like going ballistic), and if you hurt them, they can go wilder Besides, even if you could restrain him physically, he may never forgive you for it.
Calling the police is another option that may lead to unintended consequences.
So, what is a wife to do?
If you are reading this article, it means your husband has a bad temper. We’re assuming that these bouts of anger are not an isolated incident that happens once a blue moon, but a habitual case enough to scare you and the children out of their wits.
Since this is a potentially explosive situation, we will borrow a concept from an organization that is well suited to deal with such scenarios. The military. They have something called equitable response. It means to react with the same level of intent and force that was received.
It’s possible that your husband is angry all the time because you screw up all the time. Let’s not paint angry husbands as irrational ravaging beasts. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for the first theoretical scenario.
So listen to what he is screaming about, is it true? Did you add salt in his morning coffee for the nth time? Did you forget to wash his golf shoes when he told you several times over the week before Sunday morning? Did you total his car? Did you overspend the family budget again?
If your husband is always angry because of your regular mistakes, then humbly apologize and make a conscientious effort to change.
Use your cellphone to create a checklist (there are plenty of organization apps out there) and manage the family budget.
A lot of nice husbands become roaring monsters when under the influence of alcohol and other psychoactive substances.
This means the problem is not really his temper, but substance abuse. His rampaging moments is an effect of substance abuse, and I suggest you read this detailed article.
He is verbally abusive
In this scenario, let’s assume that he goes ballistic about every little thing and verbally abuses you and other members of the family. He goes out of his way to find faults to justify the ruckus he makes.
This depends on how rational your husband is when he is angry. He may raise his voice but still responds to what you say. If that’s the case, stay calm and respond carefully.
When the argument degrades into a shouting match. Walk away and continue at a later time when you are both composed.
If you can get through to him between the storms, then you just have to be patient and settle the issues one by one. Intimate and honest communication can resolve this problem over time. If he feels guilty and apologetic for alarming you and the kids, you can use that help guide him to control his anger.
The truth is, you can’t control his anger, only your husband can do that, but you can influence him and support him.
If he doesn’t listen to anything, consider counseling.
He gets physical but avoids hurting anyone
If your husband throws childish tantrums when he is angry such as throwing things and punching the wall. The first thing you need to do is stop buying expensive china. No, it’s not a joke.
The first thing, resolving anger management issues take time so to prevent unfortunate accidents, keep dangerous items such as kitchen knives hidden at all times. Look into childproofing your home, there are plenty of products on the market that can protect your house from a rampaging child. It can also partially protect it from an angry childish husband.
Protect the children, don’t answer back, don’t even utter a word. The more docile you are, the faster it will end, and the less likely someone will get hurt.
Once it’s over, quietly clean up the mess.
Try to talk it over when he is not angry, but if all the conversations lead to more tantrums, then learn to gauge the mood. Always step back when he is showing signs of violence.
But don’t give up on trying to talk it over with him.
Try to get other family members involved to reach out. If he reacts violently to outside help, just protect yourself and the children, don’t bother responding.
It will only escalate the situation further, and your aim is always to diffuse and neutralize the situation when he is angry.
So stay calm, be a shield for the children. Don‘t even bother fighting back, nobody will win if you do.
He hits you or your children
Physical abuse is crossing the line. At this point, what you need do is leave quietly or let the law deal with it.
Physically abusive husbands do not stop, it doesn’t matter what you do, they will become more abusive as time goes by.
There is no point discussing it further, talking will only make him chain you up to prevent you from leaving. He is crazy, but he knows what he is doing is illegal. He will resort to blackmail, coercion, and other underhanded methods to keep you from reporting it to the police.
There are cases where a physically abusive husband realizes what they have done, reforms, and the couple lives happily ever after. But this is a small percentage. Most of the time, someone ends up in the hospital or worse.
Don’t bother asking yourself, how do I control my husband’s anger when there is violence? Just leave or call the cops.