10 Ways to Deal with an Unhappy Husband

Your husband is your rock, your best friend, and your lover. You love him so much, so it’s just normal to feel worried if you feel that something is wrong with him.

Is it because he is stressed out? Maybe he has a problem that he can’t tell you. Soon, you might start asking yourself, “What is the reason why I have an unhappy husband?”

You want nothing more than to figure out what’s wrong and help him to solve it. If you’re in a familiar situation, this article might be the help you need.

What is the definition of an unhappy marriage?

An unhappy marriage simply means you no longer feel happiness or satisfaction in the marriage.

It’s that overall feeling of being not happy in marriage and the realization that you’ve been feeling empty in your union.

Typically, you or your partner may gradually come to this awareness, and there may be several contributing factors.

An unhappy marriage can cause reduced marital satisfaction, cause stress, and even affect your psychological health. It could also have a huge effect on your children, if you have any.

But why does this happen? What are the signs of an unhappy relationship?

What are the 10 Signs of an unhappy husband? 

“I’m not sure if my husband is unhappy with his life or in our marriage and it’s hurting me.”

Has your husband’s behavior changed over time, or has he been like this ever since? It’s just normal for us, as a devoted spouse, to get to the reason we have an unhappy husband.

To start off, here are some signs of an unhappy marriage or dissatisfied husband.

1. You notice physical symptoms

Constant headaches, motion sickness, back pain, and even reoccurring fever are warning symptoms of an unhappy husband.

Physical symptoms may appear when someone is unhappy. Different unexplained ailments are more common in people who are depressed.

One method to identify that your spouse might be unhappy is if you see these symptoms and the doctor could detect nothing, combined with melancholy.

Related Reading: 30 Physical Signs Your Wife Is Cheating on You

2. You notice that he’s defensive

Does your partner always offer an explanation when you voice a problem rather than accepting responsibility?

Another sign of marital dissatisfaction is being defensive. You might to feel unhappy with your husband and he is to you.

Everyone at the table must admit their own responsibility for the issues that arise in the marriage. When one is defensive, you won’t understand and no solution will be made. 

3. He’s withdrawn
You won’t be able to resolve your issues if your partner is unwilling to discuss them. 

Your partner might be physically present with you, yet he might be distant from the union. This is another sign of an unhappy husband.

You may also notice that he refuses to open up or speak.

If this is the case, resolving any marital problems would be exceedingly difficult.

4. He spends time away from you

Do you notice your husband is trying to delay going home? Maybe he would rather have some beer elsewhere than have dinner with you.

Instead of talking and watching Netflix, are you both preoccupied with your phones and getting ready for bed at different times?

On the weekends, would he rather have plans than be with you?

Would he make plans on weekends than to be with you? As painful as it may seem, these are just some examples that your spouse feeling miserable in marriage.

5. He doesn’t talk anymore

An unhappy husband won’t even want to communicate. He might not inquire about your day’s events, your activities, or your needs.

When you are around, he keeps to himself, goes to bed, and works. Any spouse who witnesses this would feel offended.

He may not express it directly, but he certainly has a way of making it clear that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

6. He’s constantly irritated

“My husband is miserable, and he shows it by getting irritated at everything I do.”

Minor factors may already aggravate someone when they are dissatisfied.

For instance, he could become agitated only by witnessing your mistakes while cooking, having to hear the same questions again, or even just by your repeated strolling in front of him.

7. There is no more intimacy or affection

An unhappy marriage doesn’t have any form of intimacy. When was the last time you cuddled or made love?

Does your husband have so many excuses when you’re trying to get intimate? He might even become agitated when you start making affectionate gestures toward him.

These are only a few typical indications that a man is unhappy in his marriage.

8. He’s happy when he’s not with you

A person unhappy in marriage will find happiness somewhere else. Do you see his friends tagging him and he’s all smiles? Does he get excited when his friends are there to have a beer and watch the game?

Maybe, he answers a call and becomes excited, like what he used to when you were still happy? If so, then it only means he’s an unhappy husband.

9. He starts keeping secrets

Aside from no longer talking to you, your husband may keep secrets. That’s another unhappy husband signs to know.

Maybe he has unexplained purchases in his credit cards, he bought a new car without consulting you, or he went on a vacation without you knowing.

He’s trying to escape, avoid, and distance himself from you and your marriage, and this would be very destructive if you don’t take action.

Related Reading: 15 Secrets You Should Forever Keep from Your Lover

10. There’s a sense of unhappiness when you’re together

“What went wrong? Why won’t he talk to me?”

Overall, having an unhappy husband will also make you an unhappy wife. There’s this emptiness that you feel when you’re together, and it hurts even more when you see him happy when he’s not with you.

You feel it as well. Your marriage is empty and unhappy.

Related Reading: 20 Signs a Guy Is Unhappy in His Relationship

10 proven ways on how do you deal with an unhappy husband

It was not always this way. He was not always this way. In the early years of your marriage, your husband was bright, lively and cheerful.  But now you are noticing a change. He seems sad and depressed. He is often not present or engaged in family discussions or activities.

His old spark is no longer there. He seems to be bored and just going through the motions at work and at home. Your love life has flattened or is non-existent. You are worried. You want to help him. You are wondering how to deal with an unhappy husband.

The first thing to do is talk

So, do you find yourself asking, “How do I deal with an unhappy husband?”

If you don’t know the whys behind his unhappiness, you won’t know how to deal with an unhappy husband.

So set aside a time and a place to sit down and ask him what’s bothering him. Make sure this conversation takes place in an ideal environment:  pick a calm moment (not during a rushed dinnertime with the children present) and one where you sense he will be open to the discussion.

Maybe plan an evening out to a quiet restaurant or a walk together where you can talk undisturbed. Turn off your phones and hold hands so you feel like you are truly connecting for this important conversation.

Approach the subject from a kind and loving place

Realizing your husband is unhappy can be unsettling, but it can also be the beginning of turning around the mood that is weighing on your marriage. 

To open the conversation, try something like “I’m noticing that you seem unhappy lately. Can you tell me what might be going on?” This is a better way to begin than “Your constant depressed face is driving me mad.  Cheer up!”

What might be going on and how to deal with the issues?

“Is my husband unhappy because of me?”

This is an important question to ask apart from asking, “How do I deal with an unhappy husband?”  

Maybe you have been neglecting the little signs of appreciation that men need in order to feel seen, heard, and loved by their spouses.  Maybe he feels you are focusing exclusively on your work, or on the children, and he is feeling invisible.

Maybe he needs you to pay more attention to your physical appearance; perhaps swapping those old yoga pants for something a little more stylish for your weekend wear. 

Related Reading: 20 Tips to Deal With Unresolved Issues in a Relationship

“Is my husband unhappy because of his professional situation?”

If this is the case, let him vent.  Sometimes all an unhappy husband needs is for his significant other—you– to listen compassionately to his complaints.

He may not need you to come up with any concrete solutions to what is irritating him at the workplace, but he will be grateful for your listening ear.  If he is open to it, offer to brainstorm some solutions with him.

Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology, shares

Work can be a significant source of stress for your husband, but he may not know how to talk to you about it. Offering non-judgmental support can go a long way toward improving his mood and overall happiness.

Is my husband unable to pinpoint why he is unhappy?

Could it be that he is experiencing some generalized, non-specific depression?  If he cannot identify anything, in particular, that might be causing his unhappiness, it might be helpful to suggest that he see a mental health professional who could tease out what might be behind his mood.

Another suggestion would be for him to schedule a physical examination with a doctor to see if something physical might be causing this depression.

What about you?  How do you deal with an unhappy husband?

Here are some tips for helping you through this trying time in your marriage and getting a definite answer to the question, “how do I deal with an unhappy husband?”

1. Recognize that it’s not gonna be easy

This will impact your relationship and your marriage, so be ready.  The adage “for better or for worse” will be on your mind.

Related Reading: How to Recognize and Overcome a Struggling Relationship

2. Stay on the same side of the fight

You might find yourself feeling angry towards your husband.  After all, loving an unhappy man was not what you expected when you said: “I do.”  Remember: it is the depression that you are mad at, not your husband. Work actively to help him through this unhappy moment.  

Eat healthfully together, incorporate a shared daily walk into your routine, and make sure you get sufficient sleep.  

3. Take care of yourself as well

So, when you ask yourself, “how do I deal with an unhappy husband? accept that dealing with an unhappy husband is taxing.  Make sure you top up your own reserves by taking a break from his situation when you can.  

Dedicate some time to replenish your own energy: mediation moments, a yoga class, or just an afternoon shopping with your BFF can help you return to your husband with a more positive attitude.

Related Reading: Simple Steps to Take Care of Your Relationships

4. Show that you are receptive to helping him

Make sure he knows he is not alone in this moment of unhappiness. He will be grateful that you are there from him, even through the hard times.

Accompany him to his medical visits

Got that doctor’s appointment scheduled?  Go with him. Doctors appreciate the presence of a spouse.  Your observations concerning your observations about your husband’s sad moods can be vital to a proper diagnosis and treatment plan.

5. Be patient

Your husband’s unhappiness did not develop overnight, nor will it go away overnight.  Getting him back to the cheerful, positive person you know is inside of him is a process.

Being there by his side to make sure he incorporates and follows his plan of treatment, whether it be therapy-based or involved medication (or both) will be important to his progress.  

Expect it to take some time. Once you have an idea of what might be behind his sadness, you can equip yourself to deal with your unhappy husband.

6. Give him space

Sometimes, all that your unhappy husband needs is a little space. Maybe he feels pressured when you always ask him. That’s why he avoids you. Maybe he’s confused as well.

An unhappy husband doesn’t always mean that he doesn’t love you or he has an affair. Sometimes, there comes the point where you just need some time alone to contemplate.

If you think he needs it, allow him to do so. He’d appreciate you for that and he’ll talk when he feels he’s ready.

7. Plan something that he’ll love

Do something simple but meaningful for him. Plan a weekend with him and his friends. They can watch the game and have a beer. Let him enjoy.

You can also put small notes on his lunch to encourage him and put a smile on his face. It’s those little things that can do so much.

Even without saying, he would surely appreciate those gestures.

8. Surprise him in bed

You may not have intimate moments, but if you do, make sure he will beg for more.

Do something sensual, but be sure he will love it. Some men aren’t open to trying BDSM or role-playing. So you have to be aware before you try them out.

Sometimes igniting one’s carnal desires can make an unhappy husband long for more loving.

Related Reading: 7 Things Couples Should Do in Bedroom

9. Practice gratitude and show appreciation

Did you know that men also want and need to feel appreciated? They may not be vocal about it, but they would surely love if you showed them you appreciate their efforts.

There can be cases that the sentiments of the unhappy husband that he doesn’t feel appreciated by his wife, and all she can see are his shortcomings. This caused him to be unhappy and drift apart.

We all want to feel appreciated. Make appreciation your superpower. 

Mel Robbins, NY Times Best Selling Author and Award Winning Podcast Host shares why appreciation helps:

10. Seek the help of a relationship therapist

If you think you have tried your best but your husband is still distant, then talk to him and ask if he’s willing to see a relationship therapist.

This would be better so that the licensed professional listen, understand, and provide the best course of action plan for your marriage problem.

Some questions

An unhappy spouse can cause dissatisfaction in a relationship. It can be hard to deal with a partner who’s constantly unhappy and not willing to resolve the issues. Let’s look at some common questions arising from this situation.

Do you think it is worth staying in an unhappy marriage?

Not all who feel unhappy in marriage should seek divorce. Every circumstance is unique.

There may be animosity, despair, or unhappiness in some situations, but the couple may be open to working things out.

It is worthwhile to strive to repair the relationship in these kinds of situations. If one side no longer wants to work on the relationship, it could be time to move on.

Despite all your best efforts, if the other party continues to avoid it, then you know what to do.

Why would a man not be happy in his marriage?

Does it still bother you why you have an unhappy husband? Have you ever wondered about the reasons?

Here are some of the reasons someone might feel unhappy in their marriage.

1. Problems with money
2. Career issues
3. Family problems
4. New baby or big changes
5. Lack of intimacy
6. Incompatibility
7. Extreme jealousy
8. Feeling alone
9. No time for each other
10. Health problems

Resolve to help him

Realizing that you have an unhappy husband can be saddening, confusing, and frustrating, especially when it seems like he’s unwilling to work with you.

However, don’t give up just yet. Try to learn what causes your husband to feel this way and try different methods to get him to open up.

This, along with some tender love and care, and you will soon find the question, “ How do I deal with an unhappy husband?” totally redundant, and a thing of the past.

In any event that these won’t work, you can still seek the help of a licensed professional. As long as both of you are willing to work things out, there’s a chance to bring back the happiness of your marriage.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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