25 Questions to Assess the State of Your Relationship

How often do you assess your relationship to assess how(and where) it’s going? More importantly, how do you evaluate a relationship to know it has a future? Is there a relationship assessment questionnaire that can gauge the state of your relationship?

While it may feel easier to identify problems in your best friend’s relationship, it can prove quite challenging when it comes to your own relationship. You may be looking at it through rose-colored glasses. Or you’re too invested in the relationship to get a clear perspective. 

You may get to know your partner better through relationship-building questions, but how do you assess the present state of your relationship?

So, let’s present you with 25 thought-provoking relationship questions for couples that might help you identify your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. 

What does the state of your relationship mean?

Relationships tend to evolve and change over time, just like we grow and evolve as individuals. Almost every relationship tends to go through certain stages of dating before it reaches the ‘commitment’ stage, and partners decide to spend their lives together.

Dionne Eleanor, a relationship and empowerment mentor, states: 

True love isn’t static; it’s a journey of growth and discovery.

No matter how much you try, you can’t stay in the ‘honeymoon phase’ forever. Because both partners have to navigate life’s ups and downs, make difficult decisions, and handle lots of life’s stressors while they’re developing a romantic relationship. 

These experiences can change their perception of the world and their relationship. That’s why it’s important to take stock of your relationship to assess its quality and state. 

The state of your relationship shows you where you’re at and if you need to work on something to get to a better state. 

25 questions for you to assess the state of your relationship

Now that you know that you need to do a relationship assessment, how do you assess the present state of your relationship? We’ve put together a list of 25 questions to help you gain insight and evaluate the state of your relationship. 

1. Do you and your partner challenge each other to be a better version of yourselves?

None of us are perfect. Ask yourself if you and your partner encourage and challenge each other to grow and become better people every day. 

Tony Robbins, a well-known motivational speaker and life coach, explains:

It is very easy to stay comfortable and even feel nice; however, that is not where positive evolution and growth happen.

2. Do you and your partner allow yourself to be vulnerable in the relationship?

You and your partner need to determine whether you feel comfortable sharing feelings and being vulnerable with each other.

Experienced transformational coach Dionne Eleanor suggests:

Emotional depth and vulnerability are crucial to relationship longevity and relationship quality. Without them, a relationship could be built on very fragile infrastructure, which could easily collapse into heartbreak later.

3. Do you and your partner accept each other for who you truly are?

This is probably one of the most important questions to ask yourself in a relationship. Do you two truly know and accept the other person or try to change each other?

4. Do you fight fair?

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, and arguing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re incompatible. But if all your arguments are filled with contempt, criticism, and name-calling, it’s time to assess your relationship connection.

5. Are you capable of making big decisions together?

Both partners need to feel free to talk about their concerns and express their feelings to have a healthy relationship. Can you two discuss and make joint decisions instead of one person controlling the other?

6. Have you and your partner got each other’s back?

In a sustainable relationship, you and your partner are supposed to feel emotionally safe around each other and know that they’ll be there to support you when the going gets tough. 

7. Are you and your partner honest with each other?

Do you have to lie or hide things from the other person to avoid conflict, or can you be brutally honest and tell each other the truth even when it’s hard? 

If not yet, maybe you can decide that honesty will be your new policy in your relationship.

8. Do you get along with your partner’s friends and family?

It’s not absolutely necessary for you two to get along with each other’s friends and family(it’s great if you do). But, even if you don’t like them, can both of you put aside the differences and treat them with respect?

9. Do your close friends and family think that your relationship has long-term potential?

Not all your friends or family members will like the person you fell for, and that’s okay. But, if most of your friends think you shouldn’t be with your partner, you need to pay attention and find out why they feel this way. 

10. Do you and your partner share the same core values?

What if your values about religion, politics, and finance don’t align? Do both of you want to get married and have kids in the future? While having some differences might not be a big deal, most of your shared values and core beliefs should be similar for your relationship to have a future.

Related Reading: 11 Core Relationship Values Every Couple Must Have

11. Are you and your partner capable of identifying and expressing your needs?

Our partners can’t read our minds. That’s why it’s important to do a self-assessment in the relationship to identify your needs. Then ask yourself if you feel comfortable talking about your needs with your partner without being afraid of conflicts. 

12. Do you two support each other’s dreams, aspirations, and goals?

Research shows that having a supportive partner increases relationship satisfaction. It’s also essential to have their constant support and encouragement while you’re trying to reach your goals.  

13. Do you two appreciate each other?

Appreciating each other is important in a relationship as it shows that nobody’s taking the other person for granted.

As Dionne Eleanor shares:

To appreciate someone is to recognize their worth, cherish their presence, and celebrate their uniqueness.

It is not just about appreciation via words; it’s a heartfelt acknowledgment of someone’s value in actions and respect for the contributions they have made to your life.

14. Can you two effectively communicate and share your feelings? 

Effective communication helps resolve conflicts and get your needs met in a relationship. Are you two capable of communicating clearly and actively listening to each other?

15. Are you and your partner sexually compatible?

Sexual compatibility is crucial when it comes to assessing the state of your relationship. Do your sexual preference and desired frequency match your partner’s? What about your turn-on and turn-offs?

16. Do you two respect each other? 

Mutual respect is crucial to a healthy relationship. When you find yourself asking, “How do I evaluate a relationship?” See if your partner respects your boundaries and refrains from pushing them. 

17. Do you both feel secure in the relationship? 

You and your partner should be able to trust each other and feel secure in your relationship. Neither of you should have to worry about being cheated on or abandoned by your partner. 

18. Do you try to solve the underlying relationship issues together?

If you two can dig deeper when a problem arises and find a solution together, it may be a sign your relationship is getting stronger by the day.

As Maya Angelou, an American memoirist and poet, says:

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Solving relationship problems together and being committed to doing so is a way that you can safeguard your relationship, as your partner will likely remember the positive feelings associated with your efforts in doing so.

19. Are you two capable of seeing things from each other’s perspectives?

If you or your partner lack empathy and fail to respect each other’s perceptions, you may find yourself struggling to build fulfilling relationships.

Dionne Eleanor further explains this:

You are bound sometimes to have different opinions and perspectives; that is what is beautiful. What is ugly is when you refuse to respect those differences or use them against one another.

20. Is your partner your best friend? 

While it’s important to have friends outside of your relationship, research shows that you’re more likely to have a happier life when married to your best friend. Do you consider your partner as your best friend? 

21. Is your relationship balanced and fair?

This is one of the most important relationship evaluation questions. Ask yourself if there’s a power struggle in the relationship or if both of you feel heard and supported.

22. Do you have your own life outside of your relationship?

Being independent in a romantic relationship is crucial. You need to see if both of you can focus on your interests, pursue your passion, and hang out with your friends without the other person getting mad about it. 

23. Are you two willing to compromise?

Can you or your partner make a compromise when you don’t want the same thing? If someone always thinks about their own happiness and tries to get their way, the relationship might become off balance.

Watching this video may help you understand why compromise is essential in a relationship: 

24. Do you spend quality time together?

Are you two always busy with work, social obligations, and your own lives? Or do you manage to carve out some time to spend with each other deliberately? 

25. Are you two team players in your relationship?

When wondering how to evaluate your relationship, it may be helpful to check if both partners can think in terms of ‘we’/’us’ instead of ‘you’/’I.’  

Are you both equally committed to making your relationship successful?  

Once you’ve answered these questions, you might want to interpret them to assess your relationship. But you need to remember that these questions aren’t designed to predict the future of your relationship or give a definitive answer on whether or not you’ve found ‘The One.’

The purpose of answering these somewhat hard relationship questions is to make you take a deeper look into your relationship so that you can focus on the essential factors of a healthy relationship. 

Conclusion

When you’re wondering how to assess the present state of your relationship, relationship assessments can provide insights. They can help you understand what you need to keep doing and what needs to be changed for a sustainable long-term relationship. 

The trick is to be completely honest with yourself while answering these yes-or-no questions. Then, you can identify any intimacy gaps and work to close them with love, grace, respect, and presence.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less