When it comes to physical intimacy before marriage, faith has a lot to say about what boundaries an individual should set. Most religions suggest or expect that you keep yourself pure before the big day. While those who do not follow a faith, or at least not strictly, seem to be in favor of engaging in physical intimacy before marriage.
So if you are somebody who is not influenced by a particular faith, and who has a neutral perspective on physical intimacy before marriage, you might find it interesting to explore the reasons why some save themselves for the big day and the reasons why others explore their sexuality before marriage.
Pros of Physical Intimacy Before Marriage
1. Establishing sexual identity
If we do not explore our sexual side, we cannot grow naturally and develop into it, and that means that we cannot truly understand where our sexual identity lies. Many people do not discover their sexual orientation until they have sex and realize that they are perhaps not naturally attracted sexually to the opposite sex. It is an important thing to figure out before marriage!
2. Developing sexual experience
You are considering marriage, and settling down, you wouldn’t marry somebody who is too childlike, or naive at life. So it makes sense to explore ourselves sexually. So that by the time things start to get real, you’ll be confident enough in yourself and in your understanding of your sexual side without having to go through the pain of practising all of this on the person who you consider to be the real deal!
3. Assessing sexual compatibility
It’s not unusual to be in a relationship and to be physically attracted to your partner, but then to end up being completely turned off when things become physically intimate. Perhaps biology is telling us that we are not compatible, who knows. But as strange and frustrating as it may seem, that problem occurs more frequently than you might assume.
If you are physically intimate with your partner before marriage, you’ll know soon enough whether you are attracted to each other sexually so that you can make a well-educated decision about whether to marry or not.
Let’s face it, while marriage requires more than physical intimacy alone; physical intimacy is an essential component of a marriage that requires effort and attention. Avoiding physical intimacy in marriage because of an issue with a lack of sexual attraction will potentially create a distance in your marriage that can be difficult to come back from in some situations. Discovering your sexual compatibility beforehand can help to avoid such problems.
4. Identifying sexual problems
There is a myriad of sexual problems that can occur. Some might be fleeting, and others might require time and effort to resolve while others could be permanent. It would make more sense to see how you work through such problems before marriage so that you don’t spend your married life dealing with such issues, instead of enjoying a beautiful relationship.
Pros of Abstaining From Physical Intimacy Before Marriage
1. Encourages a stronger relationship
When a couple starts to become physically intimate with each other before they have taken enough time to get to know each other, it can lead to an undercurrent of problems. The focus of the relationship is likely to shift away from a loving relationship and toward a sexual relationship instead.
Without a stable platform, sexual energy is powerful and can be all-encompassing. So, in some cases, a relationship can develop into one that is only focused sexual activity. The shift in focus causes problems in the development of a stable relationship.
At it’s best, this situation delays the bond building between two individuals, which may distract you from focusing on meeting and investing in the right person for you, for the right reasons.
At it’s worse, you’ll find yourself in a one-dimensional relationship that will never be entirely fulfiling, or is likely to end when the fascination of the sexual attraction has died down.
2. Encourages generosity instead of selfishness
Sexual intimacy without the bond and commitment of friendship can become a selfish and sometimes hedonistic act, which will then evolve into the style of the relationship.
This shift in relationship style can occur because time hasn’t been taken to get to know and love each other for who you are as individuals. Instead, the focus has moved to relishing in the sexual chemistry only.
If the sexual chemistry is the only foundation for a relationship, there will be times when insecurity will develop as one (or both) partner(s) start to become bored with the one-dimensional nature of the relationship. Insecurity can also grow if one partner becomes unconsciously aware that the relationship isn’t balanced, fulfiling, or stable enough to go anywhere.
Insecurity can lead to jealousy and biased thinking that is almost always selfish but is only that way because it has arisen from a selfish relationship style.
3. Makes breaking up cleaner
Ok, so we are talking about physical intimacy before marriage, and marriage does not mean breaking up. But it takes time to find that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
If you have had a physically intimate relationship with somebody without taking the time to get to know them, it can be difficult to break up, and can also be damaging to your sense of self and your esteem.
Physical intimacy brings complex emotions and energy into a relationship, which involves a couple who are not yet in love and not yet committed to each other. We’ve already alluded to the selfishness that can occur, and the poor communication that will also be present. But to make yourself vulnerable to somebody, who isn’t on your side will lead to a sense of rejection and of not being good enough. It can also cause somebody to feel like they cannot break up because the physical intimacy has already been present.
If you were not engaged in physical intimacy before marriage, all of these complications could be avoided, and you’ll end up dealing with the powerful sexual energy with somebody who is wholly committed to you and on your side. Which is a much more empowering relationship to have.