How to Support Your Unhappy Husband

Whether you suspect and feel, or your husband told you directly that he’s not that happy with your marriage, that kind of knowledge certainly makes you an unhappy wife.

Instead of falling in the infinite circle of mutual accusations, it would be much more constructive to play maturely, take responsibility and see what is that you could do about it.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Approaching the situation with maturity and self-reflection allows you to focus on solutions rather than blame.

Open, honest communication and a willingness to grow together can help both partners rebuild happiness and understanding in the marriage.

Also, look for these warning signs a married man is unhappy.

• They constantly feel like they can never measure up to your expectations.
• They give up trying to win or work at setting things right.
• They prefer and demand to be left alone and resist the idea of going out.
• Every attempt at persuading them for anything is perceived as nagging.
• They devote most of their time to work and interests outside of their marriage and avoid family time.
• They distance themselves from any important discussion with you. 

If you love your partner and feel your marriage is worth saving, consider the following advice on how to deal with a miserable person in marriage, and help them from being an unhappy husband to a satisfied spouse.

A balance between giving or taking

Sometimes, when it seems to us that we are giving too much of ourselves, what we actually do is asking too much.

If you give all of your time and interest to your husband, you will end up expecting him to give you all the “thrill“ that you were once receiving from all sorts of different things.

When we neglect our friends, hobbies, passions, our time alone, and therefore leave ourselves without enjoyment and energy that provides for us, we tend to expect our partner to compensate it all. And that’s a heavy burden for anyone.

Happy wife – happy husband

This point is similar to the previous: you cannot give what you don’t have.

If you’re not happy, it’s not very likely that a person by your side will be that way, either. Before making your husband happy, you need to prioritize your own well-being and peace of mind.

I’m not saying you should always feel awesome or hide the negative feelings you have. Life can be difficult, and we should express and share all of our feelings. I’m talking about grumpiness and everyday dissatisfaction.

Reminding yourself that you are living with a miserable husband or constantly griping that your husband is unhappy is not how you can turn an unhappy married man into a cheerful one.

Telling the world, my husband is never happy is not fun, or I am left lonely and miserable with an unhappy husband in marriage won’t turn an unhappy marriage into a thriving one.

Instead, we should do our best to save our loved ones and ourselves also from that kind of behavior which is the simple result of one thing only – ungratefulness.

Cultivate gratitude and appreciation

Why is it that in the beginning, we don’t get bothered that much about things that, later in marriage, drive us crazy?

If you think it’s because you were unrealistically in love back then, then remember: How many times have you heard people who lost someone say they would give anything to be around things that once annoyed them so much?

What is that telling you?

The same thing can feel completely different depending on our point of view. In the beginning and in the end, we are simply much more aware of the blessings we just got or lost.

So, don’t let the gifts you have in your hands slip between your fingers.

Practice gratefulness and your whole experience of life will change.

For those looking for advice on how to find happiness in an unhappy marriage that’s the best unhappy marriage advice.

You must appreciate everything good about your partner and let him know that. Nothing makes us more willing to be good than someone who sees us that way.

Keep the communication clean and clear

Having a solid communication is the key element of every relationship.

Unfortunately, our true communication is often contained in that which is unspoken.

We change communication for manipulation.

Things like silent treatment or expecting others to read our minds can only be used for the purpose of torturing our partner and ourselves.

We were given words to communicate with, not crystal balls. And when we say something, we should really mean it and stand behind it.

There’s no need for nagging. If you are consistent and keep your words and actions in alignment, if you take your own words seriously, that’s the way your unhappy husband’s gonna understand them too.

That’s also what makes a husband happy in marriage.

Accept that your husband is imperfect, just like you

Due to the differences in the upbringing of boys and girls, we tend to see men as less emotional and sensitive.

The truth is, they are not so different from us. They also need love, attention, and understanding, but since they were usually taught that they had to be tough, they might have some difficulties expressing those needs.

Men have their own insecurities and wounds that need healing.

Even though they’re usually much better at hiding such things, we’re not the only ones who need approval and encouragement.

When dealing with a negative husband or unhappy husband, it is crucial to emotionally validate your unhappy husband’s feelings, decisions, and choices.

Don’t make marriage into a prison

Actually, it can be if you make it that way. But, if you do so, be sure that the only thing your partner will think about is how to break free and not continue living in an unhappy marriage.

If we want a marriage based on love, not fear, we should leave space for both of us to breathe and expand. Freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever comes to your mind. You two know what is a part of your deal.

But you want your husband to respect the deal because of love, not because he has no other options.

Don’t make him choose between you and everything else.

Because, when you do this, you will only be left wondering how to live with a negative husband.

Remembering that love gives us wings and fear tides us in chains will be helpful.

You choose which one you’re gonna base your marriage on.

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Be careful with sacrificing

If you do or give something to your husband, do it because you love him, not because you believe you must sacrifice in marriage. That’s how to survive in an unhappy marriage and thrive.

Highlighting our sacrifices and dedication often only represents our desperate attempts to control someone by shame or guilt.

When it comes to making your husband happy and your marriage healthy, remember that you don’t want to wheedle love and understanding; you want to enjoy it in abundance and count on it in your marriage.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, further shares:

True love in marriage thrives when both partners give freely without expecting to be praised or rewarded for their sacrifices.

Prioritize mutual respect and genuine connection rather than holding onto a sense of obligation or resentment.

If you are not happy in marriage or are living with an unhappy husband, be courageous enough to see the truth as it is.

As Maya Angelou advised us: “When someone shows you who they really are – believe them!” Don’t waste your time and energy finding excuses.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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