It’s time. You didn’t think it would ever come to this point in your marriage, but you are done.
You’ve put your heart and soul into making your relationship with your husband work, but things just are completely stuck. Unfortunately, your marriage is over.
You have told yourself, “I want a divorce”. Of that decision, you are finally sure.
Now comes the hard part: how to tell your husband you want a divorce?
Whether you’ve been married one year or 25 years, telling your husband you want a divorce will be one of the hardest of your life. There are many ways to approach this, and how you do it will have a significant impact on how the divorce plays out.
Will the divorce get ugly, or will it remain civil? While many factors play into this, how you tell your spouse you want a divorce is one of them. So be thoughtful as you go through this process.
Here are some tips on how to ask for a divorce from your husband:
Gauge his possible reaction
There are different ways to say you want a divorce. Try to gauge his likely response to decide on the way to talk to your spouse about it.
Do you think your husband has any clue how unhappy you are? Also, remember that there is a difference between general unhappiness and divorce. Has anything happened, or have you said anything in the past to indicate whether or not you want out?
If he is clueless, this will be even harder; to him, it may feel like it has come out of the left field, and he may openly fight even the mention of the idea.
However, if you think he may have some clue, then this conversation may go a little easier. If he’s already been pulling away, then he may already be thinking that the marriage is on the rocks, and this pending conversation may feel like a natural progression for him.
Think about what you will say
With his possible reaction in your mind, it’s time to think about what you will say to him. Instead of worrying about how to tell him you want a divorce, you can start by talking about how you’ve felt unhappy for a while now, and that you’ve grown apart.
Then tell him you have felt for a while that the marriage just won’t work and that you want a divorce. Make sure to say the word, so he is clear.
Wait for him to respond. He will likely have questions.
Stay general. If he asks for specifics, still try to keep it general. If you must, then just mention a few significant issues, but overall talk about how it’s your day to day life that is unhappy and not what you want.
If you need to, before you meet, write down your thoughts so you can organize them and be ready. The conversation about telling your spouse you want a divorce will not be an easy one for you as well as your partner.
But, you need to find out how to tell him you want a divorce without giving space for further conflicts or arguments between the two of you.
Set aside uninterrupted time to talk
Tell your husband that you need to speak to him about something and set up the time and day. Go somewhere where you can be private and spend some time together talking.
Turn off your cell phones, get a babysitter—whatever you need to do so that you are both undistracted and be uninterrupted while you talk. Maybe at your home, or a park, or somewhere else that is secluded to talk to your husband about divorce.
Keep the discussion civilized
What are the best ways to ask your spouse for a divorce without getting harsh reactions from your partner in return?
As you talk, things are bound to get awkward, heated, or both. The best way to tell your spouse you want a divorce is to stay civil even if you are the only one who does so.
If your husband reacts rashly, don’t fall into the same trap and react with harsh feelings. When you don’t respond, he may then say things to try to rile you up, but again don’t fall for it.
Remember what you are doing here—you are only letting him know what you want. Your ultimate goal is divorce, which is hard enough. Don’t make it worse by allowing emotions to overrule you.
Don’t point fingers
One of the crucial things to keep in mind while searching for ways to tell your husband you want a divorce is to never, ever point fingers at your partner.
During this conversation, and during the weeks afterward, your husband may ask you for specific issues or situations where either of you is at fault.
He may even point blame at you while trying to get you to point fingers back. Don’t play that game. You can go in circles coming up with whose fault it was.
In reality, the fault lies with both of you at least a little bit. At this point, the past doesn’t matter. What matters is the present and the future.
Agree to another time to talk more
How else should you talk to your husband when you want a divorce?
Well, this is not going to be an easy one and is not going to be a one-time discussion. More feelings will come up, and if you both agree to move forward with the divorce, then you’ll be talking more about things.
This first discussion is simply to tell him that you want a divorce. Nothing more, nothing less! If he brings up details, tell him you just want some time and set a future date to talk about money, the kids, etc. All the big stuff.
These tips should put your doubts on how to tell your husband you want a divorce to rest. Dealing with divorce is never easy. But for now, you can rest knowing that you said your peace and you can finally move on.